Trialbyfire Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 As you mentioned' date=' you have a new girl, and I suspect that that it the main reason you're "over" her, northstar1. Most of us don't really heal until given the love and respect of another, which revitalizes our self-worth. Not all of us are so lucky [/quote'] Jimmy, no one can revitalize your self-worth, except you. When you fall into the trap of relying on external validation for self-worth, you will never feel worthy as a single person. Give it some time, since your break up is relatively recent. Learn not to tie in your self-worth to a relationship.
northstar1 Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 As you mentioned' date=' you have a new girl, and I suspect that that it the main reason you're "over" her, northstar1. Most of us don't really heal until given the love and respect of another, which revitalizes our self-worth. Not all of us are so lucky [/quote'] I can say that finding someone new was the final push. But alot of it came from just being 'tired' of spending so much time and mental energy on something that was done.
Jimmy's_Brother Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Without LS, I wouldn't have found out about NPD and made my ex-H, go to therapy. He's still in therapy, two years later but the improvements in him, have been well worth it. That's why we're friends, since he's still got some really redeeming qualities. You "made" him go to therapy? Sucks for him, but must have made you feel good to know you could control him, in or out of a relationship.
Jimmy's_Brother Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Jimmy, no one can revitalize your self-worth, except you. When you fall into the trap of relying on external validation for self-worth, you will never feel worthy as a single person. Give it some time, since your break up is relatively recent. Learn not to tie in your self-worth to a relationship. While I appreciate the sentiment, this is all well and good for someone to say who is IN a relationship. Whether or not you realize it, I can guarantee that you rely on external validation. If all your loves and friends and family disappeared all of a sudden, you would be a mess of a person. Anyone would. Your words, while ideal, ring hollow.
Trialbyfire Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 You "made" him go to therapy? Sucks for him' date=' but must have made you feel good to know you could control him, in or out of a relationship.[/quote']He was a serial cheater within our marriage, not that I knew he was like this, previous to accepting his proposal. But thanks for putting his Narcissistic Personality Disorder on my shoulders. Next thing you know, you're going to blame me for his cheating.
Trialbyfire Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 While I appreciate the sentiment' date=' this is all well and good for someone to say who is IN a relationship. Whether or not you realize it, I can guarantee that you rely on external validation. If all your loves and friends and family disappeared all of a sudden, you would be a mess of a person. Anyone would. Your words, while ideal, ring hollow.[/quote']No worries. Just some advice which you can take to heart or not. Good luck!
Jimmy's_Brother Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 I'm not putting anything on your shoulders, but the language you chose - "made" - seems strange.
Trialbyfire Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 I'm not putting anything on your shoulders' date=' but the language you chose - "made" - seems strange.[/quote']I made him go. That's the bottom line and have no apologies for it.
Jimmy's_Brother Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 To answer the OP, I don't think there ever is a time, when single, that you KNOW you're over your ex. The pain dissipates and the memories become fewer and further between. I'm 8 months out and I still think of her every day. But I've been working out and making friends and all that good stuff. As I said to northstar1, I don't think it's possible to TRULY get over someone until someone else has shown you consistent affection and care. This says to you, "Hey, I AM lovable and I DO deserve to be treated well." Til that happens, you just feel like a worthless piece of crap.
Beeotch Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 So I was wondering how do you know when you are over your ex? do you just know by yourself? I cant seem to see if i am totally over him yet. I got dumped around 2 months ago and i havent talked to him since! out of sight out of mind! When you no longer need to ask such a question... When thinking about him and another woman does not turn your stomach When you could go hang out with him and his new woman and not feel any type of way. When you no longer remember how long it has been since you have not spoken to him When you no longer hate him or feel any resentment and bitterness
fairycake Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I don't think there ever is a time, when single, that you KNOW you're over your ex. The pain dissipates and the memories become fewer and further between. I'm 8 months out and I still think of her every day As I said to northstar1, I don't think it's possible to TRULY get over someone until someone else has shown you consistent affection and care. This says to you, "Hey, I AM lovable and I DO deserve to be treated well." Til that happens, you just feel like a worthless piece of crap. Yeah I agree with you, although not the 'worthless piece of crap part!' I don't feel totally worthless but I don't feel totally worthy either. It's impossible to feel totally worthy without external validation, your job, family, friends, partners are all part of that. If, like me, your only real partner leaves you and you haven't meet anyone else how can that not affect your self-esteem? Even though you know it was their issue that made them go deep down you still wonder if it was something to do with you. Plus when you only have sexual and emotional memories of one person it's impossible to never think of them when you have no one else to put those feelings onto. Thinking about him with someone else is always going to get to me, even though I don't want him back, cos he's the only person I've been with. If I get with someone else I think it would be easier, not that I'd get in another relationship for that reason, only if it was right.
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