SpunkyBackpacks Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I met this woman through a friend and since been chatting to her everyday on messenger and the phone for a couple months I found out she had a bf of a few months (not living together) but this didn't stop me falling for her and she's admitted in not so many words she feels the same There a bit of distance between us and I've said that If we could make things work I'd be willing to jack everything in to move closer but she seems to get cold feet when I mention this and says she's happy with her bf but I know full well she isn't I've said that if her bf does really make her happy then I'll walk away to let her get on with her life but she then cries and tells me how she doesn't want me to leave her and for me not to give up We're very flirty and got quite naughty when we met but I'm unsure if she's serious about me or just using me to fill the time when her bf isn't around
dreamergrl Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 She has a boyfriend. Why are you getting in the middle? If she truly is unsure what she wants (which is the case if she isn't breaking up with him but keeping you around) then give her space to figure it out.
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Yes. You're being used. She turns on the waterworks and you stick around. You are a major sucker. I would recommend that you say to her, "I appreciate having gotten to know you, but can't keep doing this. I deserve more. So if and when you decide to leave your BF, let me know. Until then, this is done with." She's an emotional vampire. Totally draining the life out of you. Quit talking to her. If she really, truly does like you as much as she claims, she'll realize what's at stake and dump the chump.
Chicago_Guy Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 You're totally wasting your time with this woman. She just wants you for emotional support, but nothing else.
saira Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 how selfish of her... one cannot have best of both worlds especially if it involves one heart been broken up.. i hope its not u that gets his hurt broken...
Jersey Shortie Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Yes. You're being used. She turns on the waterworks and you stick around. You are a major sucker. I would recommend that you say to her, "I appreciate having gotten to know you, but can't keep doing this. I deserve more. So if and when you decide to leave your BF, let me know. Until then, this is done with." She's an emotional vampire. Totally draining the life out of you. Quit talking to her. If she really, truly does like you as much as she claims, she'll realize what's at stake and dump the chump. Exactly, well said.
samspade Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 I met this woman through a friend and since been chatting to her everyday on messenger and the phone for a couple months I found out she had a bf of a few months (not living together) but this didn't stop me falling for her and she's admitted in not so many words she feels the same There a bit of distance between us and I've said that If we could make things work I'd be willing to jack everything in to move closer but she seems to get cold feet when I mention this and says she's happy with her bf but I know full well she isn't I've said that if her bf does really make her happy then I'll walk away to let her get on with her life but she then cries and tells me how she doesn't want me to leave her and for me not to give up We're very flirty and got quite naughty when we met but I'm unsure if she's serious about me or just using me to fill the time when her bf isn't around You are her side dick. Why would she leave her BF when she is having her cake and eating it too? Do as the other posters mentioned and calmly extricate yourself from the situation. And bear in mind even if she DID leave him for you, you would be waiting for the other shoe to drop, my friend....she's a low-quality tramp and not worth your time. I've been in your situation and believe me, when she cheats, it's all about HER, not you - you're just in the right place at the right time.
Thaddeus Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Seems that pretty much everyone here is on the same page. You're her emotional tampon, getting sex from her man and getting her many of her emotional needs met from you. You're going to get nowhere with this girl. And on the one-in-a-bazillion chance that she does decide to dump her BF for you, that sets a pattern and it's highly likely that she'll do exactly the same thing to you in the future. And, unless I miss my guess, that's probably not what you want.
New Again Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Seems that pretty much everyone here is on the same page. You're her emotional tampon, getting sex from her man and getting her many of her emotional needs met from you. You're going to get nowhere with this girl. And on the one-in-a-bazillion chance that she does decide to dump her BF for you, that sets a pattern and it's highly likely that she'll do exactly the same thing to you in the future. And, unless I miss my guess, that's probably not what you want. Yup. I was just gonna say, Wow, I'm jealous of this girl; she's got it pretty good. I wish I could just accumulate multiple bfs when the original isn't meeting every single one of my needs. It would be so much easier then breaking up with him or trying to work through the problem.
Author SpunkyBackpacks Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 Seems that pretty much everyone here is on the same page. You're her emotional tampon, getting sex from her man and getting her many of her emotional needs met from you. Sums me up pretty well I did have a 2 week break from her and she came begging me not to leave here and I feel for it went up and spent the weekend with her and all was well again I do need to distance myself but find it hard as she's become a big part of me but I realise unless I put myself first I'm gonna be her mug for a long time and never get on with my own life
Thaddeus Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 I do need to distance myself but find it hard as she's become a big part of me but I realise unless I put myself first I'm gonna be her mug for a long time and never get on with my own lifeYes, it is difficult. All change, even if it's for the better, will be met with resistance. That's normal. But you nailed it. Put yourself first. That doesn't mean become an arrogant b@st@rd, but it does mean that your feelings, opinions and existence matters.
Author SpunkyBackpacks Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 I'd cut all contact. I'm going to It's been difficult to talk to friends about the situation as she's known to them and they don't know what's been going so it's been nice to come on her and get some advice from people who have been or possibly are in a similar situation I've emailed her explaining my reasons for what I'm doing and hope that she'll understand and maybe some time down the line we could be friends but as it stands we both need time apart from each other
dreamergrl Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Then even if she replies to that email, still NO CONTACT.
Author SpunkyBackpacks Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 Then even if she replies to that email, still NO CONTACT. Nope gonna have self control although it'll be difficult
mortensorchid Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 This is an ugly situation. Cut all ties and do not resume contact with her. You have better and far safer things to do with your time.
socialight Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 >>I did have a 2 week break from her and she came begging me not to leave here and I feel for it went up and spent the weekend with her and all was well again Did you have sex with her when you saw her?
You'reasian Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 You are her side dick. Why would she leave her BF when she is having her cake and eating it too? Do as the other posters mentioned and calmly extricate yourself from the situation. And bear in mind even if she DID leave him for you, you would be waiting for the other shoe to drop, my friend....she's a low-quality tramp and not worth your time. I've been in your situation and believe me, when she cheats, it's all about HER, not you - you're just in the right place at the right time. Best response ever. Look at her actions vs. what she says.
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