PinkNinja Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Ive gone to my close friends and family with this, and I need more advice. Me and my guy will be together a year this Thursday, however we've kinda been put on pause. Please excuse the fact that this is long! K, we met at work and fell in love quickly. I had heard he had been depressed the 6 months he was single before dating me. But I thought he was doing ok. Now it kinda hit a snag in Jan cause I found out he had contacted exs and watched alot of porn and I got upset. I ended it for 2 days and we quickly got back together. Around May time, he started to get abit down. It was almost a year he had graduated from uni and was no closer to doing his dream job. He had a job, working with me in a big business, but was is in debt. He gets bit annoyed and we have the odd fight, but make up. He was flirting with a girl at work alot whom admitted she faniced him the night we got together, so my trust issues with her are bad. Plus we work with her. I got so upset that a week before our 10 months together, I told him to choose me or her! BIG MISTAKE! He had a big fight via Facebook with me, saying he isnt choosing and said his depression and my jealousy had ruined the relationship. Said he was unhappy and fed up with everything at the moment. But after a good think, he said he would give me another chance and we got back together on our 10th aniversary! And me and the girl get on fab now, and yeah he still chats to her. Now, the last few weeks Ive been unable to see him due to work making me do full weeks, so only see him weekends and his gran has had some terrible news, so hes been there for her taking her to hospital and such. But it took a good amount of effort to get him to tell me. He barely tells me whats going on in his life. Now I should mention we havent been intimate since start of June and I figured from depression that was the case. He confronted me Friday gone about me being unhappy as he heard something at work. I told him I was ok. I asked if he was and he said no. He admitted he was still depressed, unhappy (had been for months) and was fed up with everything. He then said he had seen me as a mate the last few weeks. I felt sick and had to get away from him. We exchanged texts that night, him asking me how I can be happy when he doesnt touch me, show feelings and treated like a mate. I told him I loved him and thought it was his depression making him like this. The following day he was texting me if I was ok, then got angry cause I didnt reply. I replyed saying I wasnt ignoring him. I seen him in work and he ignored me and was so cold, same as today at work. I asked yesturday (Sunday) was I going up to his as I did every single Sunday since we dated. He point blank said "No." I was gutted. He then sent a followup "I dont mean to be a dick. But Im serious about this. I need time to get through my crap." I texted him "K, I'll be here when you are ready xxx" We always send xxx at the end of each text, but he hasnt done it for afew days. So Ive left him alone. I dont know where I stand though. Im giving him space to sort himself out, but I dont know if we are still together. We are still listed as a couple on Facebook and he hasnt actually said its over to me. But Im scared. Scared he wont come back. My grandmother, bless her, believes deep down he will come back and does love me, its the depression talking. My friends are all mixed about it and have given all the advice I can. Some tell me to end it, others say leave him alone. I dont want to lose him as I truly do love him. He has said Im the best thing to happen to him in years and he came back before, why not again? Thank you for reading this. I would love some insight and advice. I dont want it to end.
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 PN - You're never going to be able to "cure" him. He has to do it on his own. And people need to be a complete person before they can be in a healthy relationship. Quit tearing your heart out over this. He's going to need to get help and he's going to need to do it alone. Why are you okay with crumbs? You deserve so much better. Step back from him, give him his space, let him see what he's losing (if he even really cares). If it's THAT important to him, he'll come back. No amount of convincing on your part is going to show him anything. I've dealt with depression a lot in my life - it's not anything that somebody can pull you out of. You have to REALLY want it and do the work on your own.
Author PinkNinja Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 I know I cant help or cure him. My ex was depressed also and I had his friends to help me through it while he pulled himself through it. My guy has taken medication for depression before, 6 months or so before we got together, but according to our friend he was suicidal and wont take them. So ho hes getting through it, Im not sure. He was cold towards me at work on the Monday, avoiding me. So when I was finished I said "Bye!" as I was leaving. He just muttered "Bye" at me. We think it was because the Saturday gone, I had to go to York to help my girlfriend and she told his boss, who then told him on Monday. York is our special place, so think he was angry at me for going there without him. Plus, he doesnt trust my my best friend that much. But Tuesday, he was commenting and joking with me on Facebook and texting me about his new games and how Id like them. It was nice. But that night I just said "Night x" to him. no love you in case he freaked ot. He replied "Night x" aswell. Which he has copied my tetx other times before. A little childish thing he does. Then yesturday I heard nothing from him. I sent him a text in the evening saying "Hey, how was your day? x" But nothing. And today its a year for us. So I sent a "Happy aniversary xx" text to him ... again, nothing. Im so upset, he hasnt bothered to contact me on our special day. One minute he was okay texting me, then next he is ignoring me! Just so upset, so now Im defo leaving him alone. I have to work with him tommorow, which Im dreading. But he still hasnt said to me its over. Its not a break, its like we've been put on pause, like a DVD. People have been saying he isnt with other women cause who would date him when hes in a depressed state. Everyone is trying to keep me busy with work and nights in with them, but not knowing where I stand is difficult for me. But yeah, just going to give him his space and not comminucate with him. He can come to me.
Fay Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Any guy who would knowingly ignore our one-year anniversary would be out of my life in ten seconds flat. No one deserves that kind of treatment. I bet it'll make you feel great to change your status on Facebook to single. Strike first, strike hard, no mercy.
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 And today its a year for us. So I sent a "Happy aniversary xx" text to him ... again, nothing. Im so upset, he hasnt bothered to contact me on our special day. I'm unclear as to why him having depression excuses him being a total dick. who would date him when hes in a depressed state. Well...up to this point, at least, you've been willing to. I sure hope you DON'T contact him. If he truly wants to pull his **** together and he truly wants this relationship, he'll pull his head out of his ass and start acting like a man. I'm sorry, but depression is no excuse. I've BEEN there and there's no way I'd be so MEAN to somebody I say I care about. NO WAY. I may have when I was less mature, but that was before I had a deeper compassion for people in general. He's going to have to pull himself out of this one.
Author PinkNinja Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 Its over now guys. He did it via text ... Which Im very angry at, but the same time I understand. I demanded to know why he didnt say it to my face, he said he was planning to, but everytime he say me, he couldnt do it. It was Saturday when it ended. He sent about 35 texts, more Id got off him in the last few weeks. But when I ignored him, his texts got more angry, saying if I didnt reply he would never speak to me again. Then he'd apologise and then start getting angry again. I did reply to his texts and he said me ignoring him wasnt going to help and it was sending him over the edge. He was working while he was texting me and my friends told me he looked like he was suffering. Which to me thinks he still does care about me. He has said he still loves me, but cant make me happy. He cant be what I want, he doesnt know how to be happy anymore. He has problems and didnt want to drag me down with him or make me wait till he got better, which he said will be a long time. He said the reason why he treated me as a mate was because he wasnt happy and cant handle a relationship at the moment. And when I asked about ignoring our aniversary he said: "I didnt ignore you. I just didnt know what to say." I told him it had hurt like hell and he should have said sorry. Then he replied "Im sorry, I didnt mean to." I think its the depression talking, it seemed like he was trying to convience himself in the texts that he should end it, like he didnt want to, but was pushing himself to do so. I actually asked him who was he trying to convience, himself or me. He didnt understand, but I really do think he was battling with himself against it. Im scared he wont come back when he gets better and he will meet someone else and both of them will be happy. I think im still in shock as it doesnt feel like we've broken up. He changed his FB status after I did, but for some reason still has our photos up. I removed all of mine, both on my phone and FB. Plus I deleted any comments I made on his photos and any he made on mine. And Ive had to put all his presents away. Which my mum has said I wont give back as its childish and could wreck any chance of us getting back together. She thinks I shouldnt have deleted the photos and comments either. But when you are angry and upset, you do these things. She truly believes he will come back once he gets better because there is love there and he does care for me. Yeah, texting was abit cowardly, but he didnt want to see my reaction. He was scared. Im not making excuses for him, Ive calmed down and tried to see it from his point of view. I left my last ex via text cause I couldnt bear to see his face. He hasnt spoken to me since yesturday, says he will leave me alone and can understand if I hate him. But I dont and I sent him a text at 1am before bed saying: "I know it wont change anything, but I havent said it in a good while. I just want you to know I love you x" The problem is I work with him 2 or 3 days a week, so that will be painful. People at work are asking my best friend, who set us up, about it and she is refusing to tell them. Only 3 workmates now and they arent happy with him. I dont want people to gang up on him cause its not fair and I dont want them to blow any chance I may have getting back with him. I want him to come back once he is well, but who knows how long that will take ... Any advice, apart from move on? Im trying, but its so damn hard. I was with a guy for 3 and half years and this hurts a HELL of a lot more then that break up did. ALOT more. I honestly truly do love him and I do think he is the one Im meant to be with. I dont have such good luck with men and he is everything I want. When I found out a guy with, tattoos, piercings, nice build, tough on outside and big softie on inside actually faniced me back, I cried with joy because I finally got what I wanted and Im not giving up on it! Im not!
You'reasian Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I know I cant help or cure him. My ex was depressed also and I had his friends to help me through it while he pulled himself through it. My guy has taken medication for depression before, 6 months or so before we got together, but according to our friend he was suicidal and wont take them. So ho hes getting through it, Im not sure. He was cold towards me at work on the Monday, avoiding me. So when I was finished I said "Bye!" as I was leaving. He just muttered "Bye" at me. We think it was because the Saturday gone, I had to go to York to help my girlfriend and she told his boss, who then told him on Monday. York is our special place, so think he was angry at me for going there without him. Plus, he doesnt trust my my best friend that much. But Tuesday, he was commenting and joking with me on Facebook and texting me about his new games and how Id like them. It was nice. But that night I just said "Night x" to him. no love you in case he freaked ot. He replied "Night x" aswell. Which he has copied my tetx other times before. A little childish thing he does. Then yesturday I heard nothing from him. I sent him a text in the evening saying "Hey, how was your day? x" But nothing. And today its a year for us. So I sent a "Happy aniversary xx" text to him ... again, nothing. Im so upset, he hasnt bothered to contact me on our special day. One minute he was okay texting me, then next he is ignoring me! Just so upset, so now Im defo leaving him alone. I have to work with him tommorow, which Im dreading. But he still hasnt said to me its over. Its not a break, its like we've been put on pause, like a DVD. People have been saying he isnt with other women cause who would date him when hes in a depressed state. Everyone is trying to keep me busy with work and nights in with them, but not knowing where I stand is difficult for me. But yeah, just going to give him his space and not comminucate with him. He can come to me. Aren't pink ninjas supposed to have the power of pink persuasion?
Author PinkNinja Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 Aren't pink ninjas supposed to have the power of pink persuasion? I dont find that funny at all. Im upset here over losing a partner and you just joke ...
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