jlr Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 The last few weeks I've been ok. Not good, but ok. There were days when I was feeling at peace for at least a few hours. In the past couple days, I'm starting to feel myself spiral down again. Today wasn't good. I keep thinking about her. I keep feeling like I'll cry. Memories keep flooding my head, of us in happy times. I'm desperately trying NOT to contact her. I dialed her number a couple times and hung up before it even rang. Ugh. Not this feeling again! I hope I don't slip up....
adamt Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I have good and bad days. usually sunday is the worst because thats when i have the most spare time and when we would have both be chilling out around the house. What are you doing in your spare time to keep busy, the busier you get the less time you have to think about the ex. I've got into the gym and taking up mountain biking and i'm 38. Probably start swimming too. Its the only way i can move on. been doing it for 6 weeks and lost weight and got fitter. gives you confidence. I went on a bike for the first time at the weekend and did 30 miles. i was knackered but it cleared my head and made me feel good. Aching muscles are better than aching heart If you have the urge to call the ex then just call a friend or family instead until the urge passes
Thaddeus Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 It's normal. There will be days you'll feel strong and days you'll feel not quite so strong. Adamt is right. If you feel the unbridled urge to call/text/email/whatever, call a buddy instead. And if you don't have a buddy, post here.
ahotmess Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 I have'nt been counting days of NC...I just know it's been a while...and I know that it's been almost a month since the breakup. He ran off with my married friend (who is now getting a divorce). This whole mess has almost ruined me. I have good days, and I try to stay occupied, but the past day or so has been rough. Last tuesday was rough as well. So rough that people at work keep asking me whats wrong (red eyes, runny nose) and I'm just saying "must be allergies"....truth be told I'm ready to ball my eyes out, and usually I do when no ones in my office. I've admitted defeat and balled my heart out. Cried until I've puked. Hung out with friends, hung out alone, gone to movies, gone shopping..you name it...hell I even got a tattoo(my first). Distraction is nothing short of a miracle these days. I honestly dont know how long I can keep this up. I really, truly don't. I've tried focusing on myself and my future...contemplating a career change or furthering my education.....but how in the hell does that work when I can't even really fall asleep, and then when I do, waking up is a far bigger chore. Washing my hair is chore. Looking in the mirror hurts. How is that possible. My life has been turned upside down. I've debated suicide....just to end all of this HURT and ANGER. It's ridiculous. It would serve no other purpose than to release this pain I'm in. And when I question myself, I always think, heck yes, it would totally be worth it. The benefit of being pain free far outweigh the risks in my brain. It's scary. I've thought about getting professional help, but then wouldn't I just be paying someone to watch me go through this struggle. Nothing seems worth it these days. It all seems like too much work. Yeah, that about sums it all up for me.
moo Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Hey there ahotmess, I wrote this in another forum: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is more active than someone just listening to you and repeating back to you what you said in a different way. There is also a lot of listening and reflecting back what you said, but there is more. My first session with my therapist, I think all she did was listen to what I said. I did not like that. But the next time I saw her, things progressed. I had homework every time and I learned a great deep breathing technique. Some of my exercises included: -doing the deep breathing method she taught me at least twice a day, in the morning and nightime -Coming up with a list of what I like about myself -Writing or drawing (I did drawings) of all the negativity I was experiening when my ex left me -Writing myself a letter about what I have been through and what I want for myself (I have to do that soon.) -Thought stopping and visual imagery She left and I am getting another therapist. She went to further her education. Together we came up with 9 assignments to do to keeep the therapy going until the new therapist comes. I won't be able to get a new therapist until after school starts. She never told me what to do. She asked if I would like to do these assignments. If I didn't want to do them, together we came up with an alternate assignment. She was wonderful. So as you see, therapy can be more than someone just listening. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. In additon to therapy what helped me was getting snail mail pen pals and e mail pen pals from all over the world, journaling, and doing really fun crafts too. As I posted earlier today...I can't believe I'm looking forward to next weekend. Also, youtube, youtube, youtube! watch funny things: 3 stooges, Bugs Bunny, etd. I started a link in the break up forum (Links of Laughter) where people could enter links that are funny. Most of the links are mild and funny (bugs bunny), some others might be offensive (I guess what someone finds funny, others don't), but check it out anyway.
ahotmess Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Moo, you really are an inspiration and cheerleader to us all:) I am soo thankful to have this community to turn to. jlr- how are YOU doing? Today was much better than yesterday.....hopefully tomorrow holds the same. I can tell I'm getting stronger, but less than 24hrs ago I was crying until I puked. I'm still in the "WTF????????" mode....but the world will NOT stop for your grief.
dianna Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 i just hate it ..when I cry..I puke..this is soooooo stupid ! Today was WORSE, hope tomorow is gonna be ok..today i felt like crying in the bus station..imagine that..over that bastard..i hope karma will kick his ass Hope you are doing ok today !
yharden Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 The last few weeks I've been ok. Not good, but ok. There were days when I was feeling at peace for at least a few hours. In the past couple days, I'm starting to feel myself spiral down again. Today wasn't good. I keep thinking about her. I keep feeling like I'll cry. Memories keep flooding my head, of us in happy times. I'm desperately trying NOT to contact her. I dialed her number a couple times and hung up before it even rang. Ugh. Not this feeling again! I hope I don't slip up.... You are obviously still going through the grieving process. I have just recently been there, and I got through it. I had good days and bad days, but eventually you will make it to the other side. I wish I had known about this site when I was deep in the throes of it because let me tell you it was not pretty. Anyway, you have to give yourself time. You will get there. Good luck!
yharden Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I've admitted defeat and balled my heart out. Cried until I've puked. Hung out with friends, hung out alone, gone to movies, gone shopping..you name it...hell I even got a tattoo(my first). Distraction is nothing short of a miracle these days. I honestly dont know how long I can keep this up. I really, truly don't. I've tried focusing on myself and my future...contemplating a career change or furthering my education.....but how in the hell does that work when I can't even really fall asleep, and then when I do, waking up is a far bigger chore. Washing my hair is chore. Looking in the mirror hurts. How is that possible. My life has been turned upside down. I've debated suicide....just to end all of this HURT and ANGER. It's ridiculous. It would serve no other purpose than to release this pain I'm in. And when I question myself, I always think, heck yes, it would totally be worth it. The benefit of being pain free far outweigh the risks in my brain. It's scary. I've thought about getting professional help, but then wouldn't I just be paying someone to watch me go through this struggle. Nothing seems worth it these days. It all seems like too much work. Yeah, that about sums it all up for me. Hi hotmess, I am so sorry to hear how hard it is for you. I can totally relate because I was there only two short months ago. I thought I would never see the daylight. I know it is not easy, and everyone around you is telling you that you will get through this, and even if you know it in the back of your mind it never seems to take the pain away. Nothing takes the pain away except time. I hope and pray that you will make it through this. Good luck, sweetie!
Peanut9330 Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I'm going through the same thing day in and day out one second i'm fine the next i'm breakind down ready to cry. Then I have a day where I dont worry about him at all and I feel great and then I have a day where it hits me really hard, I dont understand these feelings but I hope they will pass soon he's the one that cheated on me and i'm the one going through hell. How ironic, However the more I talk about it the better I feel so i'm gonna keep talking about it till it passes.
LakesideDream Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Don't kick yourself around for being Human. Failure is not the problem. Continuing to fail in the same old way is. Learn something from each your backward steps, then take a new step forward. Good Luck !
Author jlr Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 I'm not doing so well. But not because I broke contact - she did. Read "Wow, just Wow" - my thread on it. -Eddie
ahotmess Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 jlr- when you go NC, despite her efforts to contact you, it really truly helps, and that person no longer has the power to hurt you. yes it still hurts, BUT the hurt is only from abscence...not from new injury. It just makes sense and I hope you get to the point where you truly do have no contact. I'm doing better. I'm feeling stronger. So I'm running with the strength for now.
adamt Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 I'm going through the same thing day in and day out one second i'm fine the next i'm breakind down ready to cry. Then I have a day where I dont worry about him at all and I feel great and then I have a day where it hits me really hard, I dont understand these feelings but I hope they will pass soon he's the one that cheated on me and i'm the one going through hell. How ironic, However the more I talk about it the better I feel so i'm gonna keep talking about it till it passes. yes thats how i feel. I would usually see my ex all weekends so i find friday mornings difficult as thats the thoughts of what we would be planning to do together over the weekend. sundays are difficult if i am having a quiet day. sometimes driving in my car i have 5 minutes of sadness and a few tears. rest of the time i'm dealing with it ok.During the week and saturdays i am always busy now. No idea how i would cope if i bumped into her in person. I think the emotions just build up and you have to release it all. Sometimes i just feel tired of it all and wish the problem would jsut be solved over night. Its been 2 months and i am in a miles better state than when we broke up
moo Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Hi, AHotMess, I forgot to address the payment part of therapy. It doesn't have to cost anything if you get it done at a University that serves the public, or a thru a human services program or you can get therapy via a sliding scale program for low cost. Let me know if you decide to get therapy and you need help finding a free or low cost one. I fell off the wagon and sometimes I feel so stupid when I see how I tried to help others. What right do I have when I can't even help myself? But now I'm thinking, I have helped myself a great deal, I'm just having a setback since I broke NC. Time to climb out of the hole again. I guess today the hole isn't black, just a medium brown. I've been NC again for 2 whole days. I'll just strive to be stronger.
ahotmess Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 So I hope this finds everyone doing better today. I'm doing ok....better than a few days ago...I've felt like crying atleast twice...but I haven't so that's progress right? Moo thanks for the advice....we ALL need whatever help we can get at this point. I will let you know if I need help finding something...I just bought some pretty cool looking self help books and will try those. My BIGGEST help has been not looking at my ex"friends" (who is married but now dating my ex )online profiles. It's been 5 days now...oh why did I ever look at them in the first place? Why do we do the ONE thing that we KNOW is going to hurt us? That could mean breaking NC or looking at their online profiles, or whatever. I feel like I am no free to move on, without knowledge of what they are doing in their lives. I still grieve and hurt and get angry, but it helps to be in the dark as far as they are concerned. Breakups happen everyday. Gauranteed we will have more than one in our lives. It doesn't take the pain away to know this, but we will do what we have to do to survive. Here are thoughts of healing going out for all of us tonight and until we are over this time in our lives:)
moo Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I am glad you are doing better. Yes, break ups happen every day but I am hoping my next relationship won't be terrible and the break-up won't be so horrible. I will try to do better next time (be more emotionally healthy, take a lot less bullsh*t, and leave when it's time to leave.) I hope next time I won't suffer so much in and out of the relationship.
Recommended Posts