music_love13 Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Well I'm a 16-year-old girl who is confused about what to do in her situation. It concerns an ex whom I still love and a friend that I like. My ex-boyfriend and I were together for a year and two months but he broke up with me because he said that he was confused about how he felt about me. He made it clear that it was OVER so I thought the best thing for me to do was move on. So along my path of moving on I met this one guy who really helped me through my break up. We soon discovered that we both had feelings for each other and that I would need time to get over my ex before we would try to get together. However, a little while after our feelings for each other were confessed, my ex decided to call me, questioning whether me and my friend were going out or were interested in each other. I, being honest, said that we were not going out but ,yes, we were interested in each other. Well, for about two weeks my ex called/texted everyday and told me how much he loved/missed me and how stupid he was for breaking up with me. Well, we both decided that were to try to work things out again and get together, but in time. I told my friend everything and he was left heart-broken. But he told me he'd rather have me as a friend than nothing at all. Well, my ex told me that the one thing he asks me to do for him is to stop seeing this friend. I refused to, since I won't turn my back on a friend who did help me through the break-up. My ex got mad, no longer trusts me, but still does love me. He said that if I truly loved him I would make that sacrifice so he won't feel uncomfortable. He said he would do anything for me, but it hurts him that I wouldn't do the same. The problem is that if I still hang out with my friend, who I still like, I will lose my ex. I really wanna work things out with my ex and get back together, because I do still love him. But I don't wanna turn my back on a very close friend. Is it right that my ex is asking me for this?
boogieboy Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 You cant have both. Your "friend" isnt really a friend if he wanted a relationship with you, so him saying he wont be "friends" with you anymore is because you broke his heart and he wont be taken advantage of while you go back to your ex. He only stood by you to win you over. So if you really want to get back with your ex, you cant have this guy on the side, its not fair to him. I wouldnt sit by and watch you go back to your ex either, your "friend" would be a doormat and a chump to do so. Your ex is right telling you to drop the new guy, a guy isnt going to want someone else you have feelings for hanging around. BTW your ex only wanted to get back with you because he was jealous when he saw you move on so quickly, so geting back with him probably wont last long. I think you should dump your ex and stay with the new guy. Its not all about you, you cant have both. One or the other.
Author music_love13 Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 Well thanks! Straight talk is better than no talk. haha You really did open my eyes.
Thaddeus Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 ...your ex only wanted to get back with you because he was jealous when he saw you move on so quickly, so geting back with him probably wont last long. I think you should dump your ex and stay with the new guy.BB is right. I've seen this both in my personal life (actually lived it more than once) and on the boards all the time. As soon as one party becomes unavailable, the ex suddenly develops interest again and will try to get him/her back. It's the standard "wanting what you can't have" scenario. It's very common. So I also concur with BB on what you should do with the ex. Let him go, maintain full NC and get with the new guy. Good luck!
Thomas X Forever Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I disagree. Sometimes it takes people a scenario like this, for them to open their eyes. Just because her ex wanted her back because of this, doesn't mean it was only because of this. The point is he wants to be with you. This new guy, in my opinion, has ulterior motives and is a doormat. Cut the new guy out. He has "Nice Guy Syndrome" if you ask me.
Thaddeus Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I disagree. Sometimes it takes people a scenario like this, for them to open their eyes. Just because her ex wanted her back because of this, doesn't mean it was only because of this. The point is he wants to be with you. This new guy, in my opinion, has ulterior motives and is a doormat. Cut the new guy outThis is the beauty of this board, one reasons I like it so much. Even though TXF and I disagree on this particular point, I know for a fact he's a smart dude and his advice should be weighed with serious consideration.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Thank you Thaddeus I can safely return the compliment. I look up to you.
mickleb Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I disagree. Sometimes it takes people a scenario like this, for them to open their eyes. Just because her ex wanted her back because of this, doesn't mean it was only because of this. The point is he wants to be with you. This new guy, in my opinion, has ulterior motives and is a doormat. Cut the new guy out. He has "Nice Guy Syndrome" if you ask me. But TXF, what on earth is wrong with being a nice guy???
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