enchanted771 Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I think i know what i have to do, but i just want confirmation, because it is going to be VERY HARD. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months. We get along great, he is very caring and sweet. He has been opening up to me more lately too, and we both agree that we want to be part of each others lives. One thing is, i really think he takes me forgranted. I think he make more of an effort to see me. We used to have sleep overs every Friday night, but lately he doesnt. Now, i see him once a week for a few hours, and he goes home. I guess if i am willing to settle for this, he wont give more. He used to call/text whatever once a day and then for a couple hours at night. Now, if he doesnt text at night, i will be the one texting him! if he doesnt bring up getting together, he will bring it up. To be honest, this change of behavior started when i lost my job. I tried talking to him about seeing each other more often including weekends, and some sleepovers and he has inisisted that he wants the same things. I just dont think he is hearing me though, because i see no action! i just dont think its fair that i am doing all the work, and he gets to sit back and do nothing. Its all about equal give and take. How come he gets to come over when its convenient for him? what about my needs? I know he cares about me, and meant every word he said to me, but i think i am just makin things WAY too easy. Do i need to back off, and let him come to me? I just dont know if i can do this much work anymore. I am losing sleep, look tired, not eating well, and always stressed out. Shouldnt a relationship be happy??? Also, i do so much for him; cook for him, etc...i just want his actions to match his words so that i feel special and wanted.
utterer of lies Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I think i know what i have to do, but i just want confirmation, because it is going to be VERY HARD. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months. We get along great, he is very caring and sweet. He has been opening up to me more lately too, and we both agree that we want to be part of each others lives. One thing is, i really think he takes me forgranted. I think he make more of an effort to see me. We used to have sleep overs every Friday night, but lately he doesnt. Now, i see him once a week for a few hours, and he goes home. I guess if i am willing to settle for this, he wont give more. He used to call/text whatever once a day and then for a couple hours at night. Now, if he doesnt text at night, i will be the one texting him! if he doesnt bring up getting together, he will bring it up. To be honest, this change of behavior started when i lost my job. I tried talking to him about seeing each other more often including weekends, and some sleepovers and he has inisisted that he wants the same things. I just dont think he is hearing me though, because i see no action! i just dont think its fair that i am doing all the work, and he gets to sit back and do nothing. Its all about equal give and take. How come he gets to come over when its convenient for him? what about my needs? I know he cares about me, and meant every word he said to me, but i think i am just makin things WAY too easy. Do i need to back off, and let him come to me? I just dont know if i can do this much work anymore. I am losing sleep, look tired, not eating well, and always stressed out. Shouldnt a relationship be happy??? Also, i do so much for him; cook for him, etc...i just want his actions to match his words so that i feel special and wanted. Just because he doesn't contact you doesn't mean you have to contact him. Maybe just keep silent for a while and see what happens....so yes. Back off.
Author enchanted771 Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 Ok, i understand. Usually, I get worried if he doesnt, but whats the point? either he is interested or he isnt.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 At only five months in, this doesn't sound good. If I were you, I would completely stop contacting him or initiating any plans together. I would redirect my energy to my own plans with myself and with other friends. In addition, I would not accept every invitation that he extends (if he does). Unfortunately, some men (and women, I'm sure) do not appreciate what they have when they have it. But when it's suddenly missing, they appreciate it a whole lot more.
Author enchanted771 Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 At only five months in, this doesn't sound good. If I were you, I would completely stop contacting him or initiating any plans together. I would redirect my energy to my own plans with myself and with other friends. In addition, I would not accept every invitation that he extends (if he does). Unfortunately, some men (and women, I'm sure) do not appreciate what they have when they have it. But when it's suddenly missing, they appreciate it a whole lot more. Yes, i know thats what i have to do, it just sucks. And i dont understand why people cant appreciate what they have while its there, not when its gone, but i guess he will find out very quickly.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Yes, i know thats what i have to do, it just sucks. And i dont understand why people cant appreciate what they have while its there, not when its gone, but i guess he will find out very quickly. Honestly, if he is doing this already, like I said, it doesn't look good. I agree -- it totally sucks. In a strong, healthy relationship, it shouldn't come to this. I hope it works out for you.
Author enchanted771 Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 He did contact me, but hasnt set up a date with me yet.
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I know he cares about me, and meant every word he said to me, but i think i am just makin things WAY too easy. Then you are in denial. This guy doesn't care about anyone's needs but his own. Sounds to me like you're the only one in this "relationship." Since I'm being lazy and not looking up your thread history - isn't this the guy that says he'll call you "right back" and then never does? He's a total jerk. Why is this enough for you? YES, back off. Back way the **** off. He doesn't deserve you at ALL. He's a total punk. I'd be backing off until he comes calling with flowers.
D-Lish Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Sounds to me like you're the only one in this "relationship." That's what I was thinking. It's unfortunate- but this guy isn't doing anything to keep the relationship going. After 5 months, there should be an upswing, an increase in time spent, an increase in interest. I would back right off and see what happens. Of course, when you feel a bit panicked, the first instinct is to do more, contact more, make more of an effort to prove your worth... But it's the wrong approach. Don't text him or contact him, return any of his texts for 3 days. See what transpires. At the moment, your actions are teaching him that he doesn't have to do any work to get your attention. I'd think about leaving him if I were in your shoes.
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