Soulmind Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 OK... after my bf had me in limbo (and still is!) not wanting to let me go, but never calling, just texting, and the last time I saw him was one month ago...(and I think he was still seeing his ex, and he says he loves me? He said that obviously by text!) I had enough patience, asking him what was going on etc..Well... I'm moving on with my life...whether or not he likes the idea... And I have a date tonight! What do you think could be some key questions to make?(To my date) Without looking that I'm from the Scotland Yard, and asking him in a smoothly way about his life in order to have a broad idea of him? We already talked on the phone and we chatted about where we live, the food we like, our jobs... but I would try to go even deeper through all of that basics and have a glimpse of his personality (at least to save time and find sooner rather than later if he is a player or not!) He seems OK at the moment. A nice guy. I know is difficult to know... my bf was nice at the start... (soon to be ex, but he is adamant to accept it! Even though we rarely see each other!) -Check my older threads to read about the situation with my bf... Ideas guys? THANKS And before you eat me alive thinking that I'm going to cheat on my bf...please read my older threads... you'd move on with your life as well if you were on my shoes
Hkizzle Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 The no1 rule about being a player is to be fun and confident. Which is naturally attractive to a woman. The no2 rule is not to be detected as a player, until he's had sex, and the girl is emotionally attached, in which case she'll get strung along with him using minimal input. You don't find out if someone is a player by asking questions. A players mean aim is to use words that a woman wants to hear anyway. You observe their behavior. 1) Are they super confident around you? The problem here is many women find confident men attractive, and the paradox is many men that are super confident are that way because they don't care. 2) Are they extremely pushy about sex? A guy that likes a girl might want to have sex but isn't pushy about it. 3) How does he treat other people that are not important to him? Selfish people tend to be dicks when they're not turning up the charm. 4) Do his words and his actions have consistency? For example does he say he loves you or cares about you, but calls once a week? 5) Arranges dates on short notices and seems to call you late at night for booty calls? Just have fun on a first date, and btw, you said your previous boyfriend was nice as well at the start..... I think women are really bad at spotting a player or any other form of jerk at the beginning, because they are good at acting like nicely, especially when attraction clouds the picture. So all you have to do is assume a guy is a player already and let him prove himself.
Author Soulmind Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 Thank you HKizzle! Very useful comments! He was OK in all points (without the no.4 of course, it's just our first date) Well, I went to this date, and even though there weren't sparks, at least we had a good time and good conversation... he seemed a gent and all good. It worth a second date (I thought). NOW, I don't know if this can count as a red flag, but at the end of the date I was going to take a taxi back, and he offered me a lift back, but he asked me to not put attention in his untidy car...Then I said...please...don't worry... no problem...and when I opened his car... OH MY!!!! What a disaster!! Lots of rubbish, and dust and etc.. ha ha, IT was really a mess!! I don't remember seeing a car like that! He is a nice man, but this "little" incident" put me off thinking if this could be a reflection of his life? Maybe I'm thinking too much?? Over analysing?
lucy9216 Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Does he have kids? or a very busy schedule? He is a guy too, most guys can be slobs. Girls can be too, my car is a utter disaster but I do have two kids and they constantly make a mess in my car. I find chicken nuggets and old cups of milk piled under their toys when I clean out my car, and I say "that is what that smell was comming from" pretty gross I know but I keep my home really clean. I wouldn't worry too much about his car if that is what is putting you off, maybe he just needs a good woman to help him keep a clean car
Author Soulmind Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 Lucy, yes, he has one daughter, but she is 10 years old though... He runs a gastro pub and I know he is quite busy, my fear was that I like very much to have order, and maybe we could be opposites in that matter... but, maybe you are right, I need to have more dates with this guy and maybe I could find that he is a fabulous guy that hates cleaning his car ha ha
lucy9216 Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Yes he could just hate cleaning his car I am a fabulous woman that hates cleaning my car. My ex used to always do it for me and he would always yell at me about what he would find in there Now I have to do it myself and it sucks!!! My kids are 3 and 9 btw and my 9 year old is worse about leaving her junk in the car rather than my 3 yr old. My 3 yr old is actually very neat! If she sees a mess or things that are out of order she stops to fix it. So being that his daughter is 10 I don't think would mean any difference with how much stuff she could leave behind in the car. Yes, go out with him again he could be an awesome guy!
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