DustySaltus Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 My ex-fiance still has a profile picture showing the ring on her finger. It's not completely out there but just enough to show you she was engaged. Also, she had random picture of me with captions stating my talented fiance, handsome fiance....etc....The pictures were posted by her and when we split she deleted a bunch like a whirlwind as did I. Why are these pictures still up there, she clearly knows that they are there? We deleted each other as friends and have spoke to each other limted times via email, but basically not positive conversation. On top of this she won't give me the ring back, so i'm putting two and two together and am starting to believe that she may still want something down the line, but we both just need a break. What do you think?
Thomas X Forever Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I think you need to stop being masochistic and snooping her profile. God, this wave of super masochists is beginning to become the norm. The way people pick apart every small detail after a breakup, I'd think they were all detectives. And their ability to over analyze seems to match even the biggest neurotics. If she wanted to be with you she'd tell you.
hoping2heal Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 My ex-fiance still has a profile picture showing the ring on her finger. It's not completely out there but just enough to show you she was engaged. Also, she had random picture of me with captions stating my talented fiance, handsome fiance....etc....The pictures were posted by her and when we split she deleted a bunch like a whirlwind as did I. Why are these pictures still up there, she clearly knows that they are there? We deleted each other as friends and have spoke to each other limted times via email, but basically not positive conversation. On top of this she won't give me the ring back, so i'm putting two and two together and am starting to believe that she may still want something down the line, but we both just need a break. What do you think? I've been there, not only did he not delete certain photos of me, he actually added photos of me and put captions like "the only woman I love" . Of course this gave me hope and got me sucked back into the situation all over again. We started lightly communicating, and he even went as far to tell me how depressed he was that we broke up and there were no other girls. More ammo to the false hope fire if you will, when I finally told him flat out I needed to know what was going on, I never got a response and tentively went NC with him after that. Chalk it all up to him just mind f*cking me. By the time he did try to get back into my life almost a year had passed and I wasn't stupid enough to allow someone who would intentionally f*ck with my head and cause me that much pain back into my life . Not even as a friend, because that's not the kind of friends I want, plus I too had already moved on and even though what he did screwed with me, I'm not going to do that back to another person. I simply told him the truth : I wish you the best, but I'm not interested in having you in my life in any capacity. Now I have a wonderful partner that doesn't put me through that kind of crap, so I'd say it was one of the best things that happened to me to break up with the last guy anyway.
Author DustySaltus Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 Thomas, look at my previous posts up here and you will realize what kind of crazy situation I am in. I don't "snoop" around at all, we just happen to have mutual friends that are trying to get us to reconcile. Things were put right in front of my face. The whole reason that everything went to **** in the first place is because of her snooping....i am a very rational person. Love will make you do some crazy things, think some crazy thoughts and you should know better than anyone that its understandable. We both thought we had met "THE ONE" and now we are trying to pick up the pieces. I've been down this road with her before that's why i'm playing detective, I need to cover all angles to protect MYSELF from any scenario.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Sorry for seeming so harsh. Of course I empathize with you and sympathize especially. I know how hard this is. I know how unfair it is. Just avoid seeing her page and hearing about her AT ALL. It will eat you alive. But then again, in my case, so does wondering and not knowing. No matter which direction I face, I get shot. Hopefully you don't have the same problem
Author DustySaltus Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 Hoping....Its been a month since our breakup occured, she just never took certain pictures down when she could have deleted everything left and right. And she won't give the ring back...I mean adding this all up seems like there is a bigger reason for all of this.
hoping2heal Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Hoping....Its been a month since our breakup occured, she just never took certain pictures down when she could have deleted everything left and right. And she won't give the ring back...I mean adding this all up seems like there is a bigger reason for all of this. It's possible, I'm trying to remember why you two broke up in the first place, I need to read your back logs, hang on.
Author DustySaltus Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 thomas, look at my old post.."get on a plane yes or no" to see my story. I've been through hell and back and I appreciate your advice, no matter what it is. I've been going on a few dates here and there but it always winds up with me thinking of her and I need to stop that.
hoping2heal Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Okay Dusty, I knew that your name sounded familiar, went to back logs and now I remember your story. I'm curious as to why your friends are trying to get the two of you back together? Maybe they mean well but pushing you with a girl who is this toxic for you, is not a good thing. I'm guessing you're just being mindf*cked to be honest. This wasn't a good relationship when you WERE together, a lot of intentional and immature provoking of one another, her intentionally making calls to have you fired because she felt like it, etc. This just seems like another one of her dirty tricks, and she seems to have a lot of those. Again, I'm honestly baffled that friends would try and get you back in a situation like that.
Author DustySaltus Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 I wasn't really doing anything to play games with her. I had sent an email to my friend because I needed to come back to NY for a week whether or not we were together for this job. So when I sent this email saying I was coming back it wasn't just to play games it was also the truth and it showed that she was snooping through things the entire time. Some of the friends I have just seem to have been in the place I am in now, with mized results. Some were able to resolve things and some weren't. But the thing is I know she has trust issues and I want to alleviate them but at the same time keep a sense of self and dignity.
utterer of lies Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I think you need to stop being masochistic and snooping her profile. God, this wave of super masochists is beginning to become the norm. The way people pick apart every small detail after a breakup, I'd think they were all detectives. And their ability to over analyze seems to match even the biggest neurotics. If she wanted to be with you she'd tell you. You are learning.
Author DustySaltus Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 Does what I am thinking have any validity though?
hoping2heal Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Having trust issues is not an excuse for the rest of her foul behavior towards you. You seem to think this is perfectly fine and don't even recognize you are in a toxic relationship. Sending the email to your friend and using it to verify she was snooping, seems like some form of passive aggressive behavior. In your previous post you stated (paraphrasing) you thought she was snooping so you thought you would send a mail to a friend about going back, she reacted, and you knew she was snooping. So you didn't just use it to inform your friend either. Like I said, this is a toxic relationship. It seems to feed on drama and there's a lot of poop smearing going on between the two of you. I'm not sure what the reason is, or if there is a clear one, but you are a bit like the girl who likes abusive guys and dysfunctional relationships. Is there anything in your past or how you grew up that built up such a tolerance for this kind of behavior and allows you to see this as normal and acceptable?
Author DustySaltus Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 I am attracted to women with strong personalities which is a good and bad thing. As far as things that have happened in the past, I would say that I've been in some pretty normal relationships. The highs with her were higher than I ever imagined and that's what continues to pull me back in. As far as the "poop smearing" I've taken the high road the entire time, thats what makes things so difficult.
boogieboy Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Does what I am thinking have any validity though? No it doesnt. You are grabbing at crumbs because youre emotional. The pictures on her profile are only pictures, Stop looking for meaning. If she wanted to get back together she'd tell you. If shes an aggressive woman, she would make her way to you. Stop looking for hope in her profile. The artificial hope is only in your head, she is not keeping those pictures up as a hint.
Author DustySaltus Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 it's hard for me to believe that those pictures are there by accident and the ring hasn't found its way back to me (after she said she would send it) by accident. She has a lot of pride, more than most people I know..so she wont admit to anything or be aggresive at this point.
boogieboy Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 it's hard for me to believe that those pictures are there by accident and the ring hasn't found its way back to me (after she said she would send it) by accident. She has a lot of pride, more than most people I know..so she wont admit to anything or be aggresive at this point. So call her up and ask her about it.
Author DustySaltus Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 I'm trying to stay NC, the ball is in her court. I did enough already, its just confusing the hell out of me.
hoping2heal Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I am attracted to women with strong personalities which is a good and bad thing. Taking action to get someone fired from their job, and sabotage any attemps at their self described "dream job" so that they will stay with you, or if not you can at least rub salt in the wound, is not indicative of a strong personality, it's indicative that you are self centered, conniving, and manipulative. People with strong personalities are assertive, up front with their intentions and can communicate their needs and feelings without "Snooping" and manipulating plans into action. You are attracted to dysfunction or drama at best, but not strong personality. As far as things that have happened in the past, I would say that I've been in some pretty normal relationships. The highs with her were higher than I ever imagined and that's what continues to pull me back in. And from what I've read, the lows with her are lower than one could ever imagine. I don't think it's the highs or lows that pull you back in, so much as this relationship has a lot of "action", a lot of drama going on at both ends and I think you enjoy that. This is why I compared you to the girl who only likes abusive relationships (this doesn't mean just physical either) and I asked you if there was a specific reason you were aware of that might be a root cause for this. As far as the "poop smearing" I've taken the high road the entire time, thats what makes things so difficult. Writing emails to catch her snooping vs. confronting her, is not taking the high road, do not delude yourself as such.
Author DustySaltus Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 In this case I thought I was getting someone with a strong personality but it turned out to be directed in the wrong manner. As far as what I am attracted to as I said before I was in Normal relationships I just put up with a lot more with her because she was someone I truly, truly loved. Do you know what it's like to be ENGAGED to someone and in a period of three days EVERYTHING falls apart. I don't know how is even possible, its like i'm still hungover. That email to my friend was being sent regardless because I needed to go back to america for a while. I could have done a lot more if I wanted to be vindictive than that. I want to call her RIGHT NOW but I know i'll regret it...we haven't spoken in a month via phone but have been communicating via email (not happy conversations) and it might put me in a worse state...i need one reason why i shouldn't call?
boogieboy Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 ...i need one reason why i shouldn't call? Because youre desperate and emotional grasping at straws, and its too soon for you to think straight. You'll need a couple more months before it makes sense to you why you shouldnt be looking for hope though pictures on facebook.
Author DustySaltus Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 Thanks boogie that helped a lot But why isn't she giving me my ring back?
hoping2heal Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Thanks boogie that helped a lot But why isn't she giving me my ring back? This girl has been playing the mindf*ck game with you for a long time, you are probably just currently the only person she feels like she can play it with. She'd be awfully bored without it I gather. Why are you still not taking responsibility for your actions btw? I just don't get it, you insist on defending what you did with the whole email deal, and neither time have you been honest with me. Now, it's much more important that you're honest with yourself than me, but you're not being honest with either right now.
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