Brulee Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 and I am not too happy about it. I guess that I feel jealous when he wishes to look at porn and pretend to be having sex with other women. I guess I do not understand why I should believe in reality, that should the opportunity come up, that he would not choose to follow through, because after all he is showing a strong interest by his masturbating while pretending to be with others. I honestly do not pretend in my mind to be with other men, which makes it easy to be faithful, however if I had this need to masturbate to images of other men, then I probably would find it difficult to go against my desires and remain faithful. Maybe I am just really messed up in my thinking on this subject. I hate this and really, really wish it would not hurt me so!
Gamine Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 and I am not too happy about it. I guess that I feel jealous when he wishes to look at porn and pretend to be having sex with other women. I guess I do not understand why I should believe in reality, that should the opportunity come up, that he would not choose to follow through, because after all he is showing a strong interest by his masturbating while pretending to be with others. I honestly do not pretend in my mind to be with other men, which makes it easy to be faithful, however if I had this need to masturbate to images of other men, then I probably would find it difficult to go against my desires and remain faithful. Maybe I am just really messed up in my thinking on this subject. I hate this and really, really wish it would not hurt me so! A man who allows porn to wrap its slimy tenticles around his mind and heart has consigned himself to sexual dysfunction. Sex as sport is not something I am a fan of myself. I am strictly a 'NO PORN' zone woman. I have dealt with this issue as well and I can tell you that... from my experience... it 'feels' and is emotionally processed as if the man is mentally cheating. Porn is not a spectator sport entirely. It engages the viewer in the fantasy and often they 'inject' themselves into the sex. I don't know how a man can enjoy virtual sex with a 2d computer based image without being psychologically, sexually, and on some plane.. emotionally involved with what is going on. It smacks of virtual cheating to me. I don't care two shakes. Porn leads to problems and (read up on this) often leads to sex addictions and infidelity. In fact, I believe it is infidelity. I personally have met and have communicated with many women who are in agreement with this point of view... and more importantly... cite it as one of the primary turn offs for sexual intimacy with their husbands. I'd like to know how many guys would be ready for action in the bedroom in their spouse was watching and taking care of themselves while routinely watching other more well endowed men in action. Unless they are swingers in disguise, they'd be bothered by it. I'm sorry but I'm going to throw out a hard line on this. Once you are married a spouse should know, with certainty, that you are the only one they look upon naked. And, your spouse should be the only one you have real or 'make believe' sex with. Otherwise, what on earth is the point of being married if you and your spouse cannot reside in the warmth and acceptance of true monogamy. No, I'm not talking about 'technical' fidelity. I'm talking about the real deal. Where one is for the other 100%. There are men who aren't into porn and frankly I'd bet they are the ones with fantastic love lives and women who are very happy to love them.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Hahahahaha! It's funny to see you're still so passionate about men not watching porn when in a relationship. This is Hyperpen12000 I lost my e-mail and my password like and goofyball so this is my new name. *Scratches head* Well Why shouldn't I still be passionate about it? It's not like porn as gone away or like it is. It's still a very real and difficult issue that many women are forced to deal with because of the importance men place on it in their lives. You can laugh as much as you want about it but it doesn't change the facts. MO, If I was getting the sex I wanted I would stop watching porn I think if men spent more time engaging their partners in making them feel beautiful, sexy and cherished; less men would need to be spending their time pathetically more engaged with their computers and hands then a real woman. If I Just watched two people have hetero sex I am going to want to have sex with my SO or try a new sexual position I've seen. And that's fine. But don't expect a woman to be so thankful and appreicative of your ability to get turned on by other woman that it makes her spread her legs and smile. Those might be the things that turn you on but you are fogeting a huge component. What turns your partner on. And for most women, their men spending time engaging with looking at other women having sex, is not going to be something that endears your woman to want you. Some women let themselves go once in a relationship/marriage. So sometimes men need something to stimulate them to get in the mood. If he asks her to be the way she use to be, she gets offended. That's true. some women do let themselves go. Some men do as well. Women also realize that the impossible ideals that porn sets about the expectatiosn of a woman's body that most women just aren't going to live up to. Best way to make a woman not feel like having sex? Compare her to other women who are made to be a fantasy for a man's pleasure. Instead of being so nasty why don't you gain some sensitivty to the issues women have to deal withe very day. You don't think women don't already question their bodies based on what men look at in porn? We already get the message from men everyday that what men really want (women that look like they do in porn) and what men really get (us), they clearly find lacking in real woman what they get their pornography on some level. You want to talk about how women let themselves go. Alot of women get so bogged down with the preasure of everyday life, see their husbands turn to a medium that is all about exploiting women in ways that creat this false fantasy ideal about women's bodies that women just give up. Why bother if your man is just going to turn to a medium that is all about making women set-up and fail at expectations of a man's expectations of female beauty. Some men love watching sex period. Some men use it for visual stimulation if their SO/wife constantly holds out. Some men only worry about themselves and their needs instead of learning to really engage with real woman. There are so many reasons to why men watch porn. If he should give it up is a discussion they both need to have. If he asked you to give up something because it makes him feel uncomfortable, like watching reality TV shows, would you? Easily! Becaues reality TV isn't important at all. It has no positive affect on my life. Too often though the choice men make is in favor of the porn, not their own partner. Because men value the porn over their partner.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 SOME men you mean!? Some men do, but don’t get that attention back. I don’t know what’s best, ending the relationship because you’re unhappy or watch porn to fill the void until she comes around. Now this might be crazy but it cold just work. You could always try talking to your partner. *gasp* I know shocking but possible. If a man feels unhappy with his sex life then he needs to discuss that with his partner. To be honest, some women don’t know how to pleasure their men either but want their men to accept the sex she gives him because he should be honored that she’s permitting him into her vagina. If the women in porn don't have to do anything but put on gallons of make up and a slutty outfit to get men drooling after them, why should real women work any harder? I know if my SO felt like I let myself go and wasn’t attracted to me because of it, I would change. I’m not thinking insecurely; inundated with thoughts that if some accident happened to me she wouldn’t love me anymore. I would know, she feels, that letting myself go was my fault. Then you are clearly a better man then all the women out there. You completely ignored everything else I had previously said in that paragraphy and railroaded ahead with your own opinions on how you want women to act based on how you do as a man. You forget that women have about 10 times the preasure when it comes to looks that men do. As i said before, please reread that paragraphy. You need to.
Els Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 OP, what are YOUR views on porn? If he came straight out and honestly told you he enjoyed watching porn what would you do? IMO the issue here isn't so much of the porn, as it is the lying. Watching porn is normal for some people; lying to one's partner should never be normal for ANYONE.
Recommended Posts