McCloud Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 This is causing so much emotional turmoil that I have to do something to get it off my chest. I thought that maybe posting here would act as some sort of catharsis. I've watched every episode of Friends, and read Twilight and surprisingly neither of those have helped!! So here goes: THE BEST FRIEND: I've a friend who I've grown up with. Our brothers have been friends since they were 4. We've been in the same class at school since I was 4. Around 16 we became really close. Around 18 we were best friends - as cheesy as that sounds - and unfortunately I suppose I fell in love with her. The feelings weren't requitted but we maintained a strong relationship. She got a boyfriend eventually and has now been with him for 7 years. THE MEANTIME: I loved her and couldn't see why she didn't feel the same. I've never experienced anything like the time we spend together and I think neither does she. Ultimately the chemistry we have together is incredible and unrivalled. But I lacked confidence for those awkward years of high school and probably wasn't particularly attractive. Over the years after school, she and I remained close but grew apart. I travelled, went to uni, and had girlfriends. Eventually I gained confidence and now am more capable of competing in her league. Over time I supressed my feelings for her, to the point that I felt I was over her. THE GIRLFRIEND: Came just as I was ready for a relationship. If I could paint a picture of my perfect woman she would be it. She has everything I would want... but she's not my best friend. We don't have that same chemistry. But still, the life I envision us having together is everything I would want. E.g a dog. My BF hates dogs! Last night she told me she loves me. I would love her if I didn't know what love feels like. But she is still amazing, we don't laugh like my BF and I, but we do have a healthy relationship. THE DILEMMA: Just before I met my GF (5 months ago) my BF and I slept together 3 nights in a row. I thought she was just letting go of steam but afterwards she facebooked me to let me know things had changed for her, and it brought up questions for me. Since then, we've been seeing each other when we can to tentatively discuss things. Each time we'd end the evening with a kiss. One time we got really drunk and had sex again. It all came to a head last week. I decided I can't deny that I love my BF and was gearing up to break up with my perfect girlfriend who had no idea and had done nothing wrong. I had felt that I would do this because the BF wanted to be with me too and we could work out how she could break up with her boyfriend of 7 years... But she revealed she still wasn't sure if she wanted me or him. With that I realised I couldn't handle the crushing hurt if she decided she didn't want me. I've gotten over her once before and can't get over her again. If I gamble on her and lose I don't know if I'll ever find anyone like my current girlfriend again... or even if I'll be too damaged to find anyone that I can fall in love with again. So I told my BF that I can't carry on with this. If she's not sure and too scared to break up with her boyfriend then she never will and I need to start moving on and get over her. Which means I can't really see her anymore either. STATUS: She sounds angry and confused and torn apart by this. She can never express her emotions to me (this has been part of the problem). Now she's apprently been crying at work. We've started talking about it over text because she can't say things to my face. I think she wants to be with me. In her words, I think these two lines sum it all up: "The thought of hurting my boyfriend makes me feel sick to my stomach" "What I do know is that I can't not have you as a massive part of my life" Bit of a long post. Thanks if you've taken the time to read it. Now I don't know what to do. I'd planned to move on, and didn't expect my telling her I was going to, to prompt this reaction in her. She seems to be telling me she loves me, but is hating me for forcing her into a decision. She's gone away now for two weeks and I don't know whether to just cut my ties to her and start trying to be a good boyfriend again. OR to hold out hope that she'll find the courage/decide I'm worth the risk to break up with her boyfriend of 7 years (18 - 25) who she lives with and relies on for support... If you want any more details on anything just ask... Cheers! AGH!
boogieboy Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 You alread yknow what to do. Your BF is mad because youre messing up her perfect situation because you want moe and she doesnt. Stop talking to her and concentrate on your GOOD gf. Its that easy. Youre not going to get what you want from her and she spelled it out.
Author McCloud Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 Ouch, you're probably right. I think she does just want to have her cake and eat it... I keep holding on because she often compares us to "Ross and Rachel" from friends and other similarly destined to be together couples. Another important analogy she drew was to a book she was reading in which a woman had to decide between her husband (the loving, safe but kind of boring option) and another man (hugely passionate but a risk)... These analogies have kept me from moving on... But I guess life isn't a fairytale huh...
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