2.50 a gallon Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 No need to cry any tears for me, this happened many years ago and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am having problems posting longer messages, so did not have the time to get my point across. Being the most painful thing spouse said to my about OP was not near as bad as the most painful thing she ever said to me, which was "I want you back" All I had to say was I forgive and some of the pain I was suffering would have been lifted, temporarily. I learned from the experience and have turned the negatives into positives. I did learn to love and trust again. I am now in a 13 plus year relationship with a most giving and beautiful woman. The only time we disagree is when it comes time to pay. Then it is "I'm buying", "No, I am buying!" "Yes Dear" I think the last two words are just as important as "I love you"
2.50 a gallon Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 The worst part of the experience occurred a couple of weeks later when I discovered that my libido had taken a direct hit, and I could not preform. That was scary In Burt Reynolds movie "Semi Tough" the plot revolves a spoof of a self enlightenment group called BEAT. My marriage was attacked by a similar organization I call ERP. The three other OM's were fellow ERPers. The guy next door was inline to become a ERP trainer, and he was trying to make a sale to the real OM. ERPers had all of the answers Th XW in her drunken state left behind her underwear, which was discovered the next day by the wife when she returned from her mothers. He tried to ERP talk with his wife, but discovered that he did not have the answers when he found a used condom in his apartment. I am not one to forgive and forget, more along the lines of "Don't get mad, get even" They should have made the bedroom wall sound proof
Peanut9330 Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I know I posted one before but I just thought of a better thing my ex said to me....... "I know that I cheated on you but you need to show me some compasion and have sex with me if it will make things better pretend its like a one night stand, she did it for me"........... and he said that to me 3 days after sleeping with her lol what was I thinking I cant beleive I put up with him.
Gamine Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 The most painful thing had to be "I was deeply in love with you the entire time I was having the affair." Oh well.
hopesndreams Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 That he loved her, wanted to be with her but couldn't decide if that was really what he wanted. He wanted me, his W, to be in competition with her. Very hurtful to hear after being with someone 10 years that he loved, loved someone he had only known a few short months. I made the decision for him, he left, and he is miserable and wants to come back home. My life is a mess.
Athena Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 There were a few painful things H said... one was that there some really gorgeous girls he could have slept with while he was having his 18 mth affair with OW#7, but he 'wanted to be faithful to her'... so he didn't sleep with them. Another painful thing was when H said that I am the ONLY one to argue and fight with him -- despite the fact that we argued and fought over his many affairs! That he Loved her. That she 'needed' him b/c SHE had lost her dad when she was young (so did I!!!!!!!! ) A painful thing: One time I was visiting him abroad and in the elevator going up to his apartment, H stood by the door and sized me up and down AND I KNEW IN THAT MOMENT THAT HE WAS COMPARING ME TO A LOVER HE HAD HAD, THINKING ABOUT HER IN THIS VERY SAME ELEVATOR... even though the affairs hadn't come out! That he really liked her, and I would too... After being discovered yet again, having an affair, H said he had "One, two, or even three in the bag because of all he went through" i.e. that he had 'earned' the 'right' to another couple of affairs for all my crying he had to put up with from me! (and believe me, at that time I was ONLY in pain, and was NOT mean to him at all). One time when I was crying (affair fallout) on the phone he threatened to put the phone down on me and not be available for a week. Another time when I was crying and asked him a question, he very coldly said, "Why should I make you feel better?" One time H phoned me in a post-orgasmic moment with OW in a hotel room... when I told him I knew he was cheating on me (found out he had been lying thru his landlord checking his empty bedroom), he later turned it all around on me stating that I had "burned him with a red-hot poker at his most vulnerable moment"... he had lied and pretended he had been drunk and passed out in the basement of his office building for twelve hours.. Some painful actions of his include taking his weekend OW to the exact same country/city/5 * hotel that he and I went to celebrate a big wedding anniversary of ours four months earlier... Another painful action of his was his having 'records' of my bra and panties sizes in a sexy lingerie shop in the red light district of Amsterdam, and on his stop-overs would pop in the shop and buy DOUBLES of the SAME sexy underwear in TWO different sizes.... one set for ME and the other for his OW of 9 months... oh, I am sure the folk working there thought it was Genius! I could carry on, but I feel horrible
bentnotbroken Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Athena, Mr. Messy did the lingerie thing too. I set them on fire on the hood of his car. ((((HUGS))))
Athena Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Athena, Mr. Messy did the lingerie thing too. I set them on fire on the hood of his car. ((((HUGS)))) You did?! LOL -- you have a fiery temper you do! I must remember to consult with you next time, for payback...
bentnotbroken Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 You did?! LOL -- you have a fiery temper you do! I must remember to consult with you next time, for payback... :laugh:I can control it a little better. Wait, let me take that back, the Lord is controlling it, I am learning to step out of the way. It keeps me out of trouble...most of the time;)
Gamine Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 There were a few painful things H said... one was that there some really gorgeous girls he could have slept with while he was having his 18 mth affair with OW#7, but he 'wanted to be faithful to her'... so he didn't sleep with them. Another painful thing was when H said that I am the ONLY one to argue and fight with him -- despite the fact that we argued and fought over his many affairs! That he Loved her. That she 'needed' him b/c SHE had lost her dad when she was young (so did I!!!!!!!! ) A painful thing: One time I was visiting him abroad and in the elevator going up to his apartment, H stood by the door and sized me up and down AND I KNEW IN THAT MOMENT THAT HE WAS COMPARING ME TO A LOVER HE HAD HAD, THINKING ABOUT HER IN THIS VERY SAME ELEVATOR... even though the affairs hadn't come out! That he really liked her, and I would too... After being discovered yet again, having an affair, H said he had "One, two, or even three in the bag because of all he went through" i.e. that he had 'earned' the 'right' to another couple of affairs for all my crying he had to put up with from me! (and believe me, at that time I was ONLY in pain, and was NOT mean to him at all). One time when I was crying (affair fallout) on the phone he threatened to put the phone down on me and not be available for a week. Another time when I was crying and asked him a question, he very coldly said, "Why should I make you feel better?" One time H phoned me in a post-orgasmic moment with OW in a hotel room... when I told him I knew he was cheating on me (found out he had been lying thru his landlord checking his empty bedroom), he later turned it all around on me stating that I had "burned him with a red-hot poker at his most vulnerable moment"... he had lied and pretended he had been drunk and passed out in the basement of his office building for twelve hours.. Some painful actions of his include taking his weekend OW to the exact same country/city/5 * hotel that he and I went to celebrate a big wedding anniversary of ours four months earlier... Another painful action of his was his having 'records' of my bra and panties sizes in a sexy lingerie shop in the red light district of Amsterdam, and on his stop-overs would pop in the shop and buy DOUBLES of the SAME sexy underwear in TWO different sizes.... one set for ME and the other for his OW of 9 months... oh, I am sure the folk working there thought it was Genius! I could carry on, but I feel horrible Athena, the more I read about your crappy husband the more pissed off I am getting. He is a psychopath and I feel so badly for you I can't even find the words sufficient to convey how much I wish you never had to EVER deal with anyone this insane. You want to know what I think? I don't think this is normal affair stuff at all, just a psycho. The elevator thing. Man, I would have kicked him in the groin with a pair of my finest stilettos. What gets into these men anyway? One great big giant head game they are playing with themselves if you ask me. In his world he is a desirable sex machine stud who everyone wants to sleep with and adore. But let's look at this one pragmatically. He needs to constantly trade off women to keep his fantasy of himself going. After time, the women become too real for him and he is moving on to his next conquest. It is almost as if he is living out a porn movie. Like you, I was on the phone with my husband from the hotel room BEFORE and AFTER they screwed. I asked him if it turned him on or something. He said no, however I believe they get off on the desirability thing. "Two women want me"... "my wife cries for how much she loves me and the other women cry for how much they want me.... aren't I just terrific?". Some major head game. The reality is... and you know this is the truth... that he is living out a mental/psychological scenario he has already orchestrated in his own mind and that it has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the individual women involved (other than the fact that they are willing). This is a guy who needs to be taken out back and given an 'ass whipping' if I ever heard one. The hell with him, Athena. He needs to double his dosage.
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 After my boyfriend dumped me a couple of years ago and started dating someone else, he had the nerve to call me up and say "I wish she could be more like you, and love me like you did." I went cold inside and felt so g-d angry.
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