FuzzyDuck Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Short Story. About 2 months ago I recieved an anonymous voice message on my cell phone stating that my wife was having an affair with somebody she works with. Long Story About 2 months ago, I was away on bussiness (to another country) for a week. On the Tuesday, my wife phoned me to inform me that she had been moved from a sales position (new car sales) back to her original admin position. She had taken the car sales job about 6 months earlier, but she was never happy, and welcomed the return to admin. I was a tad dissapointed, because I thought she was doing very well, and the extra income really helped ease our financial situation, which was not that great. On the Wednesday, my wife phoned me again, histerical, because her mother (who was living with us at the time) had accused her of having an affair. Apparently somebody had sent her mom a number of sms's, stating that she was having an affair with a person (name mentioned) at work. I was immediatly mad, because I knew this was not true and her mom had a history of causing trouble (she herself had just left her husband of 30 years for an old flame, only to have this guy die on her 1 year later, so she was very bitter). I told my wife to just forget it. She and her mom consequently did not talk for nearly a month after this. I returned home, not worried at all. 1 Week after returning home I realised there was a voice message left on my cell phone, and this was done on the same Tuesday my wife had lost her sales posiiton. The voice message said my wife was having an affair with somebody that she works with. I recognised the voice as a lady that works with my wife, but she denied it was her. My whole world fell apart at this point. I did not know what to do, how to react, what to believe. I tried spying on my wife at work that day, but got nothing. That evening my wife still had a work function/dinner, so you can imagine what was going on in my mind that evening. Was there really a dinner, etc etc. She eventually got home at 11pm, and I decided to confront her. I told her if she told me the truth now, I could forgive her, but if I found out later I would leave her. Played her the voice message. Now normally, as I know my wife, she would have been so mad, bouncing off the walls, threatening to kill this person, but no, she ramained very calm, unlike her. We discussed it and agreed that it was somebody who was out to cause trouble for us. Maybe somebody that had a crush on me (one of her friends), or maybe her sister and mother who were both going through hard times and in my opnion mentally unstable. About 2 weeks later, my wife and her sister got into a heated argument, she to had just gotten divorced. She was in and out of rehab centres and her husband had just taken her children away from her. The argument was about her responsibility towards her own children. My wife’s mom had gone to stay the night at my wife’s sisters, and next thing we know, she had stormed into our house, accusing us of hating my wife’s sister and her kids. I immediately jumped up and defended my wife, because this was not so, when suddenly my mother in law blurted out that she knew the whole story of what was going on and would reveal the truth. I asked her to please continue, to which my wife jumped in between us and my mother in law fled, without telling me. The next morning I confronted my mother in law, who was busy moving out of the house because of what happened. At first she refused to say anything, kept changing the subject to how we hate her (for what she did to my father in law), hated my wifes sister and her kids. The more I tried to tell her this had nothing to do with that, I was after the truth about my wifes, the more she put up a fight.Eventually I got it out of her, and she told me that she new my wife was having an affair. I was shocked, and told her I don’t believe her. Told her I was not going to leave my wife because of 1 sms, I needed more evidence. She then said, just go look at her panties, they are dirty, which I also dismissed, as all women have discharges now and then. This post is becoming a bit long, so I am going to break it up a bit. What do you guys think I should be doing at this stage?
Author FuzzyDuck Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 Then things went well for about a week, we had sort of decided that the messages were sent by one of my wifes friends who we both knew had an obsession with me, but the funny thing was, this week that friend decided to pack up and move halfway across the country. I also thought to myself, this friend of hers would never do such a thing, and it was far to easy to just blame somebody who was suddenly out of the picture. I also realised that my wife was still friendly towards this friend of hers, and the paranoia start to set in. During this week my wife also suddenly changed her attitude. She suddenly started doing small things for me, which she never did, like making me coffee, giving me back massages, more sex and generally being more loving. The paranoia got so bad that I sort of convinced myself, she was having an affair. I started showing up at her work, un announced. Everytime I walked in, the lady I thought had made the call, looked at me with shock and immediately got on the phone (not sure who she was phoning). I also noticed that my wife had become very secretive with her cell phone. At this time myself and my mother in law and sister in law were not speaking. I started reading my wife’s sms’s, and realised that she and her mom were communicating, and my wife was putting me down big time, calling my names, telling her mom I was becoming just like my dad, what an idiot I am. I also noticed that my sister in law, who worked with my wife, had never made an attempt to convince my mother in law that my wife was not having an affair, if anyone knew what was going on, it was her. I confronted my wife about the sms’s, told her she should be supporting me, and not taking my mother in laws side (even though it is her mother). If she was taking her mom’s side in what had happened, then surely the accusations must be true. So now I get accused of not trusting her (spying on her). Now I am scared, say she is not having an affair, and I keep accusing her of having one, now I am breaking the trust. Without trust our marriage is doomed anyway, and I have absolutely no evidence that there is an affair. What do I do. I then notice that phone calls and sms’s are still made, but being deleted, the cell phone is being hidden away, and she has become very secretive with phone calls and e-mails. This has been going on for about 2 months now, my gut says yes, she is having an affair. All I want is for her to admit it, and depending on how serious it is, I want to work things out. We have been married for 9 years and have 2 wonderful children.
Author FuzzyDuck Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 So about 3 weeks ago I decide we need some time alone. It is school holidays so I decide to send the kids to my parents for 2 weeks. We always complain we don’t have time for intimacy because the kids are always around, so now we have 2 weeks to ourselves, thinking we are going to be like little bunny rabbits. Not so. We did it twice, the first time my wife only managed to climax with some help from herself (never a problem before) and the second time I could feel she faked it. Since then, 3 weeks later, I’ve tried everything to get something out of her, and everytime she has some excuse, she is sick, or tired. The 1 night, after I had asked for something, she managed to fall asleep in the 2 minutes I left the room to go fetch something. The worst is, the past week, everytime I try to initiate something, she complained that we can’t because her vagina was itchy, or sore. On Friday I decided enough, she got home late from work, so as she came in, I grabbed her and kissed her, and immediately sent my hand down her pants, only to find that she was completely soaked (wet) and she immediately backed off and left the room. That evening, again, nothing. Last night I ran us a bath, and lit some candles, we had a wonderful bath together, very romantic, but straight afterwords she went to bed, and again, nothing happened. I also noticed that every night she sleeps very restlessly, moaning and rolling, which she never does. She’s also started to talk in her sleep, but has not said anything incriminating yet.
Author FuzzyDuck Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 Other things I have noticed. Ever since her sister started to work with her, she has become very flirty with all her male colleagues. She admitted to this and said she would stop, but I know she has not. She works for a car dealership, and I know how the men there can be, and the kind of flirting would offer be quite grotesque, such as, if she need something from somebody, they would say ‘suck my c***’ and then she would say, yes, later, or something like that. She admitted to this. And I believe this is one of the reasons she lost her sales job, somebody noticed that this was going to far and it would be better if she had less interaction. She has become very close to 2 of her male colleagues. She does not befriend any of the female colleagues, in fact, they avoid her. She calls one of the guys (the 1 I suspect the most) her girlfriend, because they can talk about anything. I have seen fotographs of her at after work, drinks parties, and how close she gets to the guys. I told her I saw a foto of her at a part with 1 of the guys holding her from behind, with there hands on her breasts (I made this up), but she did not deny this and just said this is how they are. She knows alot of sexual facts about people she works with, for instance, the 1 guy has had a varsectomy, and they talk about how he ejaculates, and that it all feels normal (She wants me to go for one, this is how this topic occurred) I am so scared that I am only being paranoid, and if I continue to snoop and accuse her of an affair, and it is not true, that my paranoi will be the end of our marriage, because I cannot trust her. I don’t want to suggest counselling, because then I am paranoid, and don’t trust her. I really do not know what to do.
Shockedhusband Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 There are definitely some things that don't add up. You might want to do a little snooping, but be careful and make sure you don't let on to her that you are doing it. Semen detection kit possibly?
lkjh Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Something is not right, start spying. Also, start prepping yourself in case you two need to separate.
Author FuzzyDuck Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 Yeah, I'm doing a little snooping, but because she know I suspect something, she covers up very well. I have purchased a little voice recorder, which I can leave lying around. I'm hoping her mother comes by sometime when I am not around. If nothing is going on, they will not talk about it, but if there is something to hide, they will most definatly. I feel like a dog having to resort to such actions, but I will not have piece until I know the truth. Up to now she has not made considerable effort to convince me that nothing is going on, so we'll see ... I'm hoping I'm just being paranoid.
Author FuzzyDuck Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 My biggest issues are that her own Mother would try to break up a perfectly good marriage and why is her sister not defending her against her mother. Who makes phone calls to say your wife is cheating if it is not true/
Owl Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Are there any calls/sms's to a number you don't recognize on her cell phone? Good call on the voice activated recorder. You might also consider putting one in your wife's car...get one with a remote microphone, and tape the mic up under the steering wheel. Good way to catch her phone conversations in the car...or anything else that happens in the car. Given what you described of your wife's...condition...the one time she came home, you might also get a semen detection kit and run it on her undergarments. Remember that in order for it to be conclusive, you need refrain from being 'with her' during that time too. Find a way to contact the lady who "told" on your wife privately...without anyone else's knowledge. Hear what she's got to say, see if there's a way to "catch" your wife like that. Don't confront your wife again. Wait until you have PROOF. Appear to back off on the lack of trust issue for now...let her drop her guard. Consider putting a GPS in her car too. One that she's not aware of, that you can track remotely via internet. You have TONS of red flags here to indicate that she may well be cheating. Some of the other advice you got was on the money too. Start seriously thinking about what you're going to do if you find out she is cheating...and start planning for that possibility. Have a PLAN in place.
jnj express Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 lots and lots of red flags---based on your knowledge of her schedule and the way she does her normal things and how they have changed. Go to cell phone company and get copies of the bills with all #'s listed, and check who she is talking to. She could be putting you down to her mother, to keep her mother appeased, and not have her make waves. Get a tracking device for her car and attach it. Your Wife is married she should not be going to parties w/out you, and she sure should not be letting herself be groped by other guys. No matter what she is out of line for a married woman just based on what you have been telling us. DO NOT CONFRONT TILL YOU HAVE ACTUAL PROOF OF AN A.
DNU1 Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Owl is right...LOTS of red flags here! You must snoop her tail off to find out the truth! You are not snooping to be mean, spiteful...you are snooping to PROTECT your marriage! Do a little search here for snooping techniques... - voice recorder in her car - Flexispy for her smartphone - check phone records carefully - check credit card records - semen detection kit for her undies - GPS her car - keylogger for the computer -- get her e-mail and passwords - hire a PI if you have to Probably the easiest and quickest way to get the truth is a polygraph test. Be careful when you pull out that gun though. I'd start with the above list first and gather all the information you can. Do not confront her until you have irrefutable proof. Be prepared for the worst news you can imagine -- that your wife is indeed having an affair. Prepare yourself. Think about what you want. Do you want to try and recover the marraige? Do you want to head straight to Plan D (divorce?). Start thinking about everything and what YOU want. Snoop, snoop, snoop, snoop, snoop...and then snoop some more. Red flags all around. Snoop...
jmargel Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 You have a couple of issues here that you need to address. First is her disrespect towards you. It doesn't matter what the 'men' at her workplace do, she can put a stop to it. However her playing along, her tolerating it is just as bad as what they do. She promotes this behavior by allowing this to happen. She has the ability to say 'No', 'Stop', 'Enough'. Yet, she won't. If she feels like she has to do this to stay employed, then she should be contacting a lawyer and prepare to do things so that when she does leave she has a case against the company. In fact she should also be contacting the HR department and more importantly CONTACT YOU. However, she doesn't so that to me, means she enjoys this sort of behavior from these men. Second, she is lying to you. You only know what YOU found out by playing detective. In the posts you have written, not once have you told us she has been forthcoming about anything. Her continued lying will not only risk the marriage but YOUR health. Stop having sex with this woman until this issue is resolved! Third, You are tolerating her behavior. You might voice your concern but to her it's nothing. In one ear and out the other. It's time for action. It's time that she changes the way she treats you or you are gone. It's time for you to tell her today that you are done with the lies, disrespect and unless she finds another position or contact HR about the harassment you are leaving. That marriage counseling is also a must and that you DESERVE to know the truth and unless she is willing to confess it all that you are gone by tomorrow. If the house is in your name, kick her out. Take the children. This fighting is no good for your children. The drama and corruption by her family shows that there is a history and good chance your wife has become her mother/sister in alot of ways. What are you getting out of this marriage? When are you going to stop having to play detective? When are you stop going to have a parent/child relationship with your wife? The biggest red flag of all is the text message to her mother. If she can say that about you to her mom, good chance she is saying those things to those men as well. Looking for pity, looking for comfort. Also with her shifting the blame about you reading the message is another red flag. Cheaters often do this as a defense mechanism so they don't have to be confronted about thier cheating. They will then often lay 'blanket statements' about the one they are cheating on. It's another tactic they use to help justify in their own messed up heads on what they are doing is justifiable. I had this issue with my wife, I went through the motions of being pissed, nice, etc.. it was all talk. The ONLY thing that worked was making her face the consequences and pulling that safety net away. The morning I demanded she leave the house, that the marriage was done was the morning she finally decided to start thinking about what she's done. I urge you to follow my advice save yourself months of torment. Seems like all the affair stories have a general theme about them and yours fits right in. Her behavior is not because of you, don't let it affect your own self-worth. This comes from deep rooted attitude and personality issues with your wife.
Reggie Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I'd bet she is cheating. The fact that her mom is a cheater plays into this, in addition to all the other things. This is behavior that has been modeled for her and kids often go the way of their parents. Also, her family seems very dysfunctional. You did what many of us have done, jumped the gun ofn inquiring. It's okay,and is normal. But, as I learned, it makes uncovering evidence more difficult. Now, you have to go into "actor mode". again, very difficult. The best thing you can do while gathering info is to act as if you completely accept her lies. The snoop like crazy, clandestinely. Voice recorder is good. See if a freind, unkown to her, can follow her. Or, if you can afford it , a PI is a good idea. Can you get access to her cellphone bills. You willl not believe the # of calls these folks make to one another. Someone is looking out for you, the person that left that message. If you can identify that person, it would not hurt to talk to her. Everything you describe is screaming affair. It is not unusual that others from the outside, can see that she is cheating, while you are still unsure. Denial is normal. You do not want to see it , because she is your wife, you love her , and this is extremely painful. Ask yourself what you would think if a friend came to you with the evidence you have. You've got a lot, but do not realize it.
jmargel Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 In regards to the cell phone.. If you have AT&T look up 'family map'. It's a service for $10 a month that will allow you to go online and track any of the members in your phone plan. It will show you on a map where they are. Really great resource!
Owl Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Sprint has a similar service called "family locator", if they are your/her service provider.
DNU1 Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 If she has a smartphone, get Flexispy.com! If she doesn't have a smartphone GET HER ONE! And install flexispy on it before you hand her the phone.
Reggie Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Jmargl is right. I forgot about this aspect , the defensiveness. I had a lenghty e-mai with Michelle Langley discussing this issue. You have touched on it with your own fear of the broken trust for having confronted. Look, at first blush, anger and defensiveness seem to be a normal response from a spouse wrongly accused. Outr thought process goes like " Yes. If a person is wrongly accused of something like cheating, it makes sense that he or she would react angrily or defensively". But. stop. Think about it and how you would react. If you loved your spouse and were innocent, perhaps you would be bewildered. You would definitiely be concerned for your spouse's menatla and emotional well being. I submit that, rather than being hostile, the real normal response is one of concern and a desire to comfort and reassure. There would be a strong desire to talk about it, clairfy things and ease your mind by presenting facts and evidence of innocence. We have all seen the type of response your wife demonstrates over and over again. Invariably, it is the one consistent sign of guilt. These folks have a very clear pattern of behavior and this reaction is almost always there.
whichwayisup Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Hire a PI, then you'll know for sure what she's up to.
delajoonal Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 having gone thru my H's online EA...i TOO knew in my gut, that something was wrong even before i got IT out of him... there are text book telltale signs...just google them... the first one...is your gut instinct. after that, don't ask her anymore questions...just do some classic spying. check her emails, cell phone bill, all the numbers ALL of them...just find out if a man or woman answers..then go from there... i did ask my H for about a week, he kept saying i don't have time, i am at work, etc...BUT he NEVER said NO... so one night, it popped in my head...just his strange behavior for a few weeks, etc...anyway, i said to him, i already KNOW, so man up and just effing admit it so we can move on and figure out what to do next... he did, he admitted it...and from that point on..it was a mess...5 months later..he is deep MLC, moved out of our marital home... i am in my own apt...devastated... oh, by the by, that cruddy EA only lasted about 3 weeks..i made sure of that and contacted the OW and HER H myself...that put an end to that A! anyway, my point...go with your gut...get proof, cause your W sounds like she is NOT going to give you any anwers, UNLESS you have proof in hand...and sometimes that doesn't even work...i have known people to deny it even with a photo of them with OW/OM..lol...some people are just so deep in that A fog, they can't stop lying and have no clue how transparent they are with all the secretive phone calls, emails, not being able to look you in the eye..can't sit and talk with you for more than 5 seconds... anyway...good luck...keep us posted OK:)
Author FuzzyDuck Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 WOW, thanks guys for all the responses. Yeah, I have been laying off and gone into acting mode. PI is not an answer, cause PI's cost money, and money is one of the stresses in our marriage at this point, and if there was even less, then we would have even more trouble, which brings up another big point. We have always had money problems, not because we don't have money, infact I earn quite a reasonable salary, I think we just live above our means. So whenever there was (in the past) a money problem, my wife would really take it out on me, and be miserable, and I would feel terrible because I'm the main provider and she made me feel like I'm not providing enough. Since she lost her postion is sales, she had to take quite a substantial pay cut (no commision), infact her salary is now less than half. So this has put alot of strain on our situation, and the fact that her mother moved out also, because she was paying rent and contributing to groceries. So now I was expecting the normal moaning about money, but nothing. Not ounce has she said anything. And my feeling is she is to scared to say anything about money in the fear that I will mention the fact that the money matters is now her fault. I'll continue snooping, like I said, the day her mother decides to come visit again, cause she will, I'm sure she misses her grand children (and they miss her) I will have my voice recorder handy, and will leave the house for that period. I know the topic will come up (if there is anything) If nothing comes up, I will be confident that nothing happened, and we can carry on with our lives.
Author FuzzyDuck Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 If any of this is true, and she is having an affair, all I want of her is to admit it. I will not kick her out, yes I will be angry, but I will make every effort to work on our marriage and make things work. If she does not tell me, and I eventually do find out that it is true, then it would mean divorce. How do I let her know it is OK to tell me the truth, because I will forgive her. I did infact give her this oppertunity a number of times. I told her if I find out some other way, then we are finished. She just says to me, there is nothing to tell, how can I expect her to tell me something that did not happen. Maybe she thinks me telling her it will be OK is just a trap, and if she admits it I will kick her out. I love her very much and will do anything to e happy again. How do I convince her that it will be OK to tell me. I do not want to find out the truth myself.
jmargel Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 I will not kick her out, yes I will be angry, but I will make every effort to work on our marriage and make things work. If she does not tell me, and I eventually do find out that it is true, then it would mean divorce. The bold right there is NOT the answer. It takes two to make the marriage work and she is NOT doing her part. You didn't answer my previous questions. What are you getting out of this marriage? When are you going to get tired of playing detective? When are you going to stop having to worry about what she is doing? And she is NOT telling you! Alot of us on here that are giving you advice have gone through what you are going through. We are trying to get across to you that she is not being faithful, not being truthful, not being a wife. I know it hurts to even think of that but it's the truth. Even if she is not sleeping with any of those men, the actions she has already done is not what a marriage should be. This is not a normal marriage, it's not normal behavior. You don't need her to tell you she is mistreating you, she's doing it by her actions. By you not doing anything you are giving her the unspoken willingness to allow yourself to continued to be mistreated by her. You are afraid of losing her and are willing to pay an extremely heavy price. Let me be honest with you, you are already losing her and you will completely lose her if you don't do something quick. She is slipping through your fingers, you can feel it and you are afraid to really confront her on this issue on the basis that she will push away 100%. Even though she's about 95% gone already. And we are all telling you the only way to get her back is to confront and make the first move on this. However if you wish to continue this roller coaster ride and be grateful for the little bit of scraps she throws your way now and then, then go for it. If you think that little of yourself, of your children.. If your self-worth is that much into her then you might believe you have no other option but to 'wait it out'. That's what you are doing. Continue this and you be sure the outcome would be her continued cheating, lies, deceit until she finally leaves. Confront her not to get her back, confront her to get resolution. Not only show confidence, live it. Realize that you can live without her and the only way to do this is to SHOW it to her, not tell us about it on here. How do I convince her that it will be OK to tell me. I do not want to find out the truth myself. To pull the safety net from her, to make her face the consequences. You know the truth it's not a matter of her confessing to it. You do this by finding confidence in yourself and projecting it to her that you no longer are going to tolerate anymore of this.
Church Bells Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 The bold right there is NOT the answer. It takes two to make the marriage work and she is NOT doing her part. You didn't answer my previous questions. What are you getting out of this marriage? When are you going to get tired of playing detective? When are you going to stop having to worry about what she is doing? And she is NOT telling you! Alot of us on here that are giving you advice have gone through what you are going through. We are trying to get across to you that she is not being faithful, not being truthful, not being a wife. I know it hurts to even think of that but it's the truth. Even if she is not sleeping with any of those men, the actions she has already done is not what a marriage should be. This is not a normal marriage, it's not normal behavior. You don't need her to tell you she is mistreating you, she's doing it by her actions. By you not doing anything you are giving her the unspoken willingness to allow yourself to continued to be mistreated by her. You are afraid of losing her and are willing to pay an extremely heavy price. Let me be honest with you, you are already losing her and you will completely lose her if you don't do something quick. She is slipping through your fingers, you can feel it and you are afraid to really confront her on this issue on the basis that she will push away 100%. Even though she's about 95% gone already. And we are all telling you the only way to get her back is to confront and make the first move on this. However if you wish to continue this roller coaster ride and be grateful for the little bit of scraps she throws your way now and then, then go for it. If you think that little of yourself, of your children.. If your self-worth is that much into her then you might believe you have no other option but to 'wait it out'. That's what you are doing. Continue this and you be sure the outcome would be her continued cheating, lies, deceit until she finally leaves. Confront her not to get her back, confront her to get resolution. Not only show confidence, live it. Realize that you can live without her and the only way to do this is to SHOW it to her, not tell us about it on here. To pull the safety net from her, to make her face the consequences. You know the truth it's not a matter of her confessing to it. You do this by finding confidence in yourself and projecting it to her that you no longer are going to tolerate anymore of this. FD, You are getting solid advice, but the above needs to re-read over and over. jmargel obviously sees through your WW (wayward wife) and her "drama queen" family issues. From your descriptions, this is NOT an aberration of your WW's character, but the definition of it based on her familial genetics and environment. MY BEST ADVICE for you is to TRUST your own gut. You KNOW she's cheating, you just haven't allowed yourself to believe it yet. All of us started with just an inkling, and then when we snooped and/or viewed the situation through clear eyes ... the awful truth was OBVIOUS. SERIOUSLY, contact the best D attorney in your area and have an initial consultation. You need to know what your options are based on the laws of your state, so you can make fully informed decisions. You don't have to go straight to D, but you do need to know what you are up against legally in the long term. Face the facts, your WW is now in a fairly long term A ... and the chances of those situations working out in the BH's favor are remote. It is POSSIBLE, but not PROBABLE ... realize that and take appropriate protective measures.
Gamine Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 If I were in your shoes, I would inform her that you believe she is having an affair and ask her to leave... unless of course she can PROVE otherwise. Don't get into the cat and mouse game at all. Let's put it this way, with all of the inappropriateness going on along with the voice message and your mother-in-law's statements, I'd have to say "where there's smoke there's fire...". Of course, you want to be CERTAIN that she is or isn't. Make that her burden. If she can get rid of her cell phone and PROVE to you that she isn't having an affair (make it her burden) then allow her home. You are out for trouble with this woman and the one thing that can prevent this from exploding and driving her and her lover underground is to basically say..."It's on you...". I'd tell her that she has made you feel uncomfortable and that you won't even get into editing her behavior. It was off base. Not to mention minor acts of infidelity... in and of themselves. I'd kick her out right now and put the ball in her court. I had the 'instinct' that my husband was doing something, but of course he denied it repeatedly. Until the proof was uncovered. Looking back, I shouldn't have waited the few months and should have taken action the minute I began feeling weird about things. It might have made the *hit or get off the pot much more clearly understood.
Reggie Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Gamine, I am not sure it was not wiser to wait for the concrete proof. You'd be amazed at what kind of doubt creeps in without it, despite everything pointing to an affair.
Recommended Posts