missingmygirl Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I'm 24, she 25. We went out for a year. I broke up with her for dumb reasons. I am very loyal to my friends. I've known them for most of my life and have always hung out with them, a lot. She was my first real relationship that lasted any significant amount of time. I was spending too much time with them and she wanted more time with me. I didn't want to do that(sounds really bad). After a month, she took me back. It was great for about six months. We got in our first big fight and she didn't look at me the same. We weren't having sex as much and the passion wasn't what it once was. We still loved each other, but didn't talk about our problems. Neither of us were good at that. I decided I wasn't good enough for her and couldn't be a good boyfriend. It seems like more of a cop out now more than anything. My dad is alone and has been divorced twice. I feel like I'm a lot like him and can't keep a woman happy. I'm not afraid of being in a relationship, but I am afraid of hurting the one I'm with. I broke up with her again in February. We worked together so it was weird. She was really hurt, and I was really sad. I tried to put her out of my mind the best I could, but it was very hard. I got a new job(we both work in restaurants) and things were better. It's been 5 months and I begged her to take me back. I can't get over her. She said she can't, that she already gave me another chance and she never does that. She says we can't work and never will. I told her we can't be friends because it's too hard for me. That I want to be with her, and until that happens, or I figure out how to get over her, we can't be friends. We were never just friends. We met and started dating. She was my first relationship, so I might just be missing my first love, but I really believe it can work out if she'd give me one more chance. She said she won't. Should I give up? How do I get over her? I want her so bad but I'm not sure if she'll ever take me back. I don't know if she is the one, but i've never connected with someone like I did with her. I feel like I let go of the best thing I'll ever have. Is there anything else I could do? I'm so heartbroken and scared I just don't know what to do. She says there is nothing I can do. I hate this. I wish I wasn't such a wuss when I was a kid. I never really even dated all that much before her and when things went wrong I didn't know what to do...at all. I'm paying for it now with someone who was great for me. I miss her so much. She seems to have moved on, but she isn't dating anyone. Is there really nothing I can do?
SCooke Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Dude, I completely understand what you're going through. Same thing happened with me. Dated this girl for 3 1/2 years, but didn't appreciate her enough and now she's moved on and won't give me another chance...It's been 7 months since we broke up and I still miss her and love her a lot. It's hard to get over someone when you're the one that messed it up and you realize how much you love them when it's too late. Unfortunatly, there's almost nothing we can do to make them come back . And we owe it to them, if we say we love them so much, to let them go and find happiness wherever they may... Heartbreak is tough, but it's also an amazing source of growth and self realization. So the best thing we can do is use all this pain as motivation to improve ourselves. Then with the next relationship, we can hopefully avoid all the mistakes we made in the past. And who knows, down the road, you two reconnect again and maybe there will be spark again, and you'll be much better prepared to handle it differently. But for now, I think our only option is to get through this heartbreak and come out better for it. Good luck buddy wish u the best, I know how painful your situation is.
LovesHangover Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 How many times you ended with her. You can try talking to her again and make this the most straightforward conversation you have had thus far and keep being honest and straightforward with her. Follow your heart and be respectful of hers and want she wants/ does not want. You may or may not get what you want. Be intentional yet detached from the outcome. Say everything you shared here about not knowing how to be in a relationship and you are willing to learn and create a life with her. Be vulnerable not desperate. Your first priority is to take care of yourself. Hang out with friends, develop new hobbies, take a trip, learn new relaxation techniques, meditate, get a massage. Anything to get you grounded again. I can empathize with you. I have been there, and I know it is better to express yourself than have regrets.-LovesHangover
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