Road To Joy Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I'm sure it would be different for everybody. I got my perfect closure tonight, and I wanted to know what everybody's perfect closure would be. As some of you may know, I told my ex a day or two ago that we had to stop for good. Along with that, I let ALL my feelings out. I know a lot of you wouldn't approve of this, but it wasn't all mushy stuff. It was basically venting about everything I did and went through for her for so little in return. But it wasn't rude or angry. Anyways, I mainly did it so I didn't have all this sh*t bothering me during NC. This was her reply: "I've realized, you're right. You're the sweetest thing my life has to offer. I loved your email, by the way... I will try my best to find comfort. I want to keep this short because I'm already starting to shake. I love you. I hope you know this. I feel you do, somewhere. I love you with all of me; as crazy as it sounds I am very happy to see you happy. It's my joy. I need to grow up. Things right now, they wouldn't work. it's fact. But, I am going to take life seriously. Finish school. you know, be me. I might be moving out soon, not like you need to know. But i'm going to start off fresh.. Don't worry about me. I promise there's nothing to worry about. ill fight this off. remember im buff if you come across a girl that completes your life...just don't forget me. Like time travel. Maybe we can. I love you. I can shake on that. I promise I'll never, ever forget you." What she's talking about fighting off is her bipolar disorder. It always worried me that she was going to hurt herself even while we weren't together. The 'buff' thing is an insider we had, and so is the 'shake on it'. A lot of people might be upset that this was all said, but honestly, it's the perfect closure. I have no hope for reconciliation, even years from now. So I do still have to grieve, and it this does make me sad. I miss her even now, and everything else that comes with the grieving process. I'm still doing NC. Even though she said all those nice things, it doesn't change the fact that it's OVER and that makes me heartbroken and gives me the need to heal. I know she's going to date someone else in the future, and it hurts, at least right now. I know I need to move on, and it's painful. But anyways, what would be YOUR perfect closure?
EmptyPromises Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 wow.. i think my perfect closure would be somewhat like urs.. just sitting down and talking or an email just saying how happy i made him & that i made an impact on his life even if things didnt work out. instead of all this bickering back and forth everytime we made contact. just a nice, calm talk. accepting that things arent going to work out & that we can be civil towards eachother. i think that would help me move on.
Thaddeus Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Perfect closure for me was when my ex wife backed her car out of the driveway and drove off, and I never had to deal with her rantings, hormonal crazies and erratic emotions ever again.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I can't even imagine what perfect closure would look like. Where he is concerned, I can't even imagine it. The best I can come up with is peace and happiness for myself somewhere down the line.
Trialbyfire Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Perfect closure for me entails two individuals who walk away in an adult manner.
andreww Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 would being back together with her forever count as closure?
EmperorR Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Her begging at my feet and me saying get the f out of here
brock9911 Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 honestly, at this point in my life, her walking down a road and getting run over sounds pleasant. but in all seriousness, right now theres a lot of bitter tension so i couldnt answer that seriously. maybe in a few months or a year we might bump into each other and when theres no more feelings between us we can rationally talk like adults. say how we felt and how we're doing, and to know that her and i are both in better places in life. in a perfect world that might happen, but i dont see that happening
Author Road To Joy Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 EmptyPromises -- believe me, TALKING (as in having a conversation), would be extremely painful. But I can relate to what you're saying. One of the things that bothered me the most about this whole thing was my fear that after everything I went through and everything I did FOR HER, I didn't mean sh*t to her. And it was definitely nice to see that I did, do, and maybe will for sometime (even if it's really little time ) mean something to her and made an impact in her life. In all honesty, I don't think I could ever be friends with her. I felt this since the beginning of the relationship, middle, and end. And when she broke NC with the excuse of my birthday, I asked her firmly what she wanted and made very clear that I did NOT want to be just friends. Maybe it's just 'cause the idea hurts RIGHT NOW, and maybe that will completely vanish when I'm 110% over her and moved on, but for now, definitely no 'just friends'. Thaddeus -- when you said your ex wife backed out of the driveway, the first thing that came to mind was her backing out and crashing into the trash bin LMAO I have no idea why, either! But I think that would be a pretty cool closure, somewhat meaninful Anyways, I'm glad you're happy with how things turned out. Ruby Slippers -- I know what you mean. After posting the thread, I asked myself the same question I asked you all and I realized, there IS no perfect closure. The perfect ending would be to be back together and in perfect peace, happiness, and harmony with them (though that's not possible for 99% of us). But after recieving my closure, I think that's the closest thing to a 'perfect' one I could ever come up with. Trialbyfire -- I usually like endings to have at least a little bit of 'bad' in them. Solely because if it has none, it hurts more and it's harder to be angry. And I would much rather be angry than depressed. andreww -- sadly, no. It's what most of us want, though. So you're not alone. EmperorR -- brock9911 -- I'm 98% sure we all wish that at some point in our recovery process. And just like you, having a conversation with them down the road and having absolutely no feelings towards one another seems almost impossible to me. But hell, time is a funny thing, and you just never know.
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