summerlove Posted November 9, 2003 Posted November 9, 2003 Ok I’m dating this guy his name is Devin. Devin and I now have been together for 5 ½ months. I have known him for about 8 months though. I Love him so much and we have been though so much together already. We started dating the month after I graduated high school. We have had the whole summer together going to the beach and partying. It has been so much fun. Even at one point he said “it’s so great to have a girlfriend that is your best friend!” Here lately all we do is fight. We can get along no madder how hard I try. I do any and everything for him. Example of that is he owes me $220.00. (Just thought I would help him out but it’s put me to the point to where I’m broke and don’t have fun.) How sad it that? He never has any money and I’m guessing that’s half of the problem. I just don’t know what to do. I know relationships aren’t about the money but yet it doesn’t seem fair. *more examples when I first meet him he had his own place. Once we were dating one month he then had to move back to his mom’s because he didn’t have any money and didn’t want to work, which was closer. I was happy about that we had lots of fun at his mom’s place. He seemed to have more money there. But about at 4 months he moved 45 mins away. It’s not that far but when I have school and work and my other hobbies it’s hard to drive that. I use to mainly spend nights with him but now to drive to his place once I get there, I’m worn out tired. I just don’t get the point of even going then. And if we just lay down and watch movie like we mostly do because he has no money then I just going to fall asleep. I would ask him to come here but the car situation well it all messed up to! He does have a car right now and so he can’t come! (If you would like to know about the car situation just ask ill reply and tell you more on that one) There just no more romance in our life’s He hardly even in invites me over anymore too cause it just seems pointless. It makes me sad! More about him! Devin can’t seem to keep a job. He has had only two jobs and he only work them each for like a week. He’s lazy but very smart. He has so much potential I just can’t get him motivated to do anything. I know I can’t change him but I have got him to go to school next semester and as soon as he’s car is back running which should be Monday he is to get a job! He has then promise to get me my money back and told me we would do more but I can’t see it! I just feel like this is a nightmare that is never going to end! I just don’t know what to do? ******I guess my main question is should I stick with this guy who treats me good sometime just can’t hold the money? Should I stay with this guy even though I can’t stop handing him money? Should I just wait to see if things are going to change like he says after he starts school and gets a job once his car is fixed? I just don’t know! All I can say is I’m in love with someone who can’t give me what I want but yet I can’t break up with either! I’m stuck and I need advise on how to deal! Thank you so much if you can help!
PurpleAngel Posted November 10, 2003 Posted November 10, 2003 Example of that is he owes me $220.00. (Just thought I would help him out but it’s put me to the point to where I’m broke and don’t have fun.) How sad it that? He never has any money and I’m guessing that’s half of the problem. I just don’t know what to do. I know relationships aren’t about the money but yet it doesn’t seem fair. Unfortunately sometimes in trying to help someone we love we are actually not helping at all and in fact being a detriment. You cannot keep lending him money, this is not what 'best friends' is always about... sometimes you need to be ‘cruel’ to be kind. He needs to start taking responsibility for his own financial situation. You say it doesn’t seem fair, well unfortunately you cannot blame him now, you where a willing participant and you allowed him to take your money and be broke. Having said that I know you where doing it because you care and wanted to help, but have you helped yourself out in the process??? I believe we help our partner out more by helping ourselves out first, we set an example and they will want to follow. THATS what love is about. Helping someone be self sufficient, the best they can be… NOT doing everything for them.. I don’t believe that is fair OR a good partnership. He’s lazy but very smart. He has so much potential I just can’t get him motivated to do anything. YOU can’t motivate someone who doesn’t want to be motivated. He needs to do some growing and realise that he is a LAZY guy... he might be intelligent but he isn’t intelligent enough to realise that he is being a lazy bum and is not treating his girlfriend right! Sound like he's got it pretty good... there really is no cause for him to change anything, you go over and see him, he lives at home and doesn’t need money, and you help him whenever he needs it... TOO EASY!!! I guess my main question is should I stick with this guy who treats me good sometime just can’t hold the money? ‘Treats you good SOMETIMES???’ He should be treating you good ALL THE TIME!!! You deserve it! Should I stay with this guy even though I can’t stop handing him money? You CAN'T or WONT??? Its not that you can't, we can do anything, its that you wont. You need to start taking some accountability in this situation... he is immature by treating you as he does and not taking any responsibility for his life and you will have to realise that you are now playing a part in this. SO you CAN STOP giving him money. I believe this is the only way you can help him... and if he leaves you because of it, well I wouldn’t want to be with someone who I have to PAY for his LOVE or even to be treated in this manner.... NO THANKS! Should I just wait to see if things are going to change like he says after he starts school and gets a job once his car is fixed? mmm... that’s up to you, ONLY YOU know DEEP DOWN whether you believe he will or not. DON’T make any more excuses for him though. I don’t think not having a car stops someone from getting a job, its a bit of a cop out of an excuse actually. He should be trying all he can to get a job, get that car fixed so that he can come to YOUR house and take YOU to dinner at a nice restaurant, cos he LOVES you and wants to show you how special you are too him. THATS HOW YOU SHOULD BE TREATED!!! I just don’t know! All I can say is I’m in love with someone who can’t give me what I want but yet I can’t break up with either! I believe you are in love, but sometimes love isn’t enough. You CAN'T or WONT break up with him??? Yes you know what I am going to say next, its not that you can’t its that you don’t want to. Think about what you deserve, and need for now and the future. I think you know the answer to your questions, but don’t want to admit it. I KNOW its very hard, but sometimes you need to do what is right for you, heal, move on and then when you least expect it the universe will reward you for being true to YOURSELF and send you someone beautiful who will give you all you deserve. I just want to say one more thing... When I am with someone, I always ask myself ONE QUESTION to determine whether I should or shouldn’t be with him... CAN I ACCEPT HIM FOR WHO HE IS TODAY??? IF NOTHING EVER CHANGED, COULD I BE WITH HIM FOREVER??? If my answer is YES then I am on the right path, if the answer is no... well I need to reassess whether he is right or not. Remember LOVE is not always enough.
Author summerlove Posted November 10, 2003 Author Posted November 10, 2003 thanks for the advice it helped alot but you keep saying that i should feel what is going to happen! and well i feel like he is going to change and he really does care just doesn't know how to do this right now! i am just pulled in so many directions right now i just want that someone there to hold me and be there and he is anytime my car needs fixed or to just hang out he is there i talk to him all the time i just feel i can't be with out him. and well if i get hurt i guess i will but your right if anything happens its not his now its mine! thanks so much purple angel and if anyone else has advice it would help also!
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