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Single mom, what is the best approach


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Posted

I've been separated for a few years & have 2 boys. Lots of my friends have at some point been on their own with their children - here are some things I have noticed...

 

1. You have more free time than before. If their Dad has the kids once a week for a day or two, plus holidays a couple of times a year. You can date someone without it even affecting your kids if your boyfriend is ok with it.

 

2. You make friends with other parents and sort of 'kid share' so if you want to go out they sleep over at their house or you have sleepovers at yours. Married friends are ESPECIALLY grateful for this ! This also works well if you are sick or have a work crisis.

 

3. If you can't get a good job because of the children, just get any job, but make sure it's fun or interesting. It might be better to volunteer or go to college (you get lots of free help in the UK if you're a single parent). Then you get to meet people.

 

4. Do things outdoors like camping, surfing, kayaking, learn to sail with your children. Its a good way to meet men & they like showing you the ropes

 

5. Get your kids into sport and go along & watch or help out. We do cricket & football. There are always people to talk.

 

6. Avoid those meat market bars and clubs. They are full of losers in the UK and I frankly wouldn't care if they looked down at me for having children

 

7. Reinvent yourself a bit - get clothes, books, music, things for your house. If you havent got much money, get it off Ebay. Don't spend all your money on your children

 

8. The internet is a good way to talk & stuff if you are stuck in when the kids are in bed. Not just dating sites but sites that deal with whatever you are interested in.

 

9. Plan some trips and holidays. Music festivals, sporting events, camping, beach holidays, activity holidays are all good ways to meet blokes.

 

10. A lot of younger men who havent got children ARE interested in women with children. Out of my single parent friends 3 have got engaged in the last year to younger men without kids. They seem to be the smarter, quieter, maybe a little bit shyer types..maybe they had a harder time approaching / dating single women in the past? I dunno.....

 

I can't think of any more right now but this has been fun!

Posted

I agree with 2sure. There is no need to let someone know about your children right off the bat like that. Let people get to know you for your personality and not for your labels. If he is interested enough to ask you for your number, THAT would be a more appropriate time to mention it. I am a single mother myself and this is the approach I take. Its not that I'm lying to anyone either...I just don't go walking around with post-its on my forehead saying "I'm a mother, a sister, a Libra, etc" lol. When the conversation turns deep, thats when I'll bring it up. Before that, why not just have fun and enjoy the fluff of casual flirting?

  • Author
Posted

I updated the heading of my online account, what do you think? I tried to make it so much not in your face that I have kids but it should be known:

 

I am a single mommy of two girls they are 3 and 9. Even though I very much enjoy being around my girls, I do also enjoy my break I get on the weekends. I still like time for myself too and being able to get out and do things I couldn't normally do with my girls.

Posted

You mention being a mother and your girls 4 times. You also mention their ages. There's not much information about you in there! That's all I'm going to say....except..I don't think it's a good idea to advertise the fact you have 2 girls. Maybe it's a tad paranoid but there are some STRANGE people out there.

  • Author
Posted

Well that is just the first paragraph on my account, the rest I do just talk about myself and what I like to do.

Posted

The word "mommy" would put me off. I would wonder if you speak in baby talk all the time. In my opinion, "mother" is a more mature sounding option.

 

I agree with not mentioning that they're girls - as silverfish said there are some strange people around. I also agree that putting more about yourself up front would help, e.g "I am a single mother to two children aged 3 and 9; I also enjoy horror novels, sci-fi movies, and cross country cycling". So you sound like a person who a guy might find interesting, as well as being a mother.

  • Author
Posted

Thank you thornton and silverfish, makes sense. I will take that advice and use it in my profile :)

  • Author
Posted

Wow, thank you so much for that advice. I tweeked my profile a little and just re-worded some stuff and just within a few hours I have gotten some good responses. I never would have thought of just changing some stuff around. I mean I kept thinking I know I am not drop dead gorgeous but I am really cute and slim why am I not getting any activity on here or atleast from anyone worth responding too. I thought it was because I am a single mom but I didn't think it was because of how I was wording my profile. Thank you :)

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