alebensb Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Text Messaging (Do or Do Not?) I have read a lot of material about how to get my girlfriend back. I understand I stopped being the masculine male I was. My plan to move to NYC that I developed into her plan is taking me longer than her. Which lead the balance of power to move away from me. I understand completely why she left me. We broke up three weeks ago. She moved to NYC then too. I am still in ATL taking all 4 parts of my CPA this month. I will move to NYC as soon as I am done. But, she does not know this completely, because I have a job offer in Texas. 1) I stopped talking to her for a week. 2) Week two and three I reached out to her and we have had contact every day for 2 weeks. Yet, I am making about 90% of the communication contact and effort. Everything I have read says the more I contact her makes it easier for her to heal. I feel she does this I got texts this week at 12 at night about random stuff. It hurts when I reach out and get nothing. She is holding all the power. So I am taking her out of my life for at while. Get myself back. But, everything I have read says if she calls be nice talk belief and get off the phone. I am long distance it is hard till I move. QUESTION: Over this next period of time which I get my life back together, study, have a blast, and convey I don’t need her approval, what do I do when she text messages me? Is the only reason she is texting me, because she feels lonely, and I am the quick fix? By not responding does that make me an ass/jerk? I just want to know someone’s ground work on text messages right after a break up. I am not going to text her, but when she texts me do I write back? I mean I can be witty and phone, vague…. I know all the tricks. But, if I want to be back with her does texting back show self worth in me? What are the rules for texting after break ups and I am 1000 miles away. That throws a loop in the situation. Kind Regards
lorilynne Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 You ignore her texts. If you want to let a few build up & then just send an "I'm sorry things have been really hectic lately but I'm good. How are you?" Do that after about a week. But def no immediate feedback. If you're done with her & you think she's done with you...don't ever respond.
boogieboy Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 If you were the one initiating all the texts, then you cant win her back. Theres no way. Once a woman loses love for you, you cant get it back most of the time. Especially if you keep in touch with her. She knows why youre still texting her, its not the same dynamic as when you first met, so it will never work. Your best bet is to leave her alone, take the job in texas and find someone new. You can tell her "lets take a break from talking for a while", then maybe months down the line, if she decides to text you, you can catch up then. It would also help if you had a gf at the time. She has to see that you moved on. Actually, if you told her you had a new gf now, that would help you. If you move to NYC, you show her youre still after her.
georgia girl Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Look at is this way: if you were a couple, it wouldn't just be text messages you would be receiving. You'd talk at least once a night, you would be making plans for your move to NYC, she would be worried about you sitting for your exams, etc. But you're not a couple anymore and text messages are crumbs. They're not enough for a relationship to survive on. If you accept them, then that's all you're going to get. If you don't, she has a choice to make. She can re-enter the relationship a little more and call, come see you, etc., or she can walk away. Either way, since I have been there for about two months now, let me tell you that no loved one is a thousand times better than a sometimes-texter. Good luck.
lorilynne Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 I agree with Georgia Girl. But I'm not real crazy about making up stories about a new GF or trying to desperately to find a new one. Don't use someone else to fix your pain. That just traps you in the same Co-Dependent pattern you are already in. Then that new person becomes your ticket to happiness and you feel like you can't be content without them. You've got to find you're own source of happiness and not have the past looming over or driving your decisions. Even moving to Texas. Don't make it about her. Sit down and make a list of your two options & list the pros & cons (honestly) where nothing is about her. Have a friend that knows you really well read over your list to make sure you're not just trying to make one option better than the other. Then decide what to do. Don't create a fake happy life to throw in her face. When you settle into and all that you said you had isn't really there, you'll just be depressed. Have a real happy life that you created for you.
Author alebensb Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 This is real great advise. I do have to move on in some sense. I agree grow up. But let me lay down some more information. I would def like to know what you think. We had a solid relationship. Lots of fun, adventure, ect. I went to her brother wedding 6 weeks ago with her, we broke up three. I helped her leave to NYC. She spent the night with me before she left to drive to NYC. She left for NYC and I flew to a job interview in Chicago. That night while I returned home she called me and we had a heart to heart. She didn't see how it could work long-term. Didn't matter how much she loved me. I agreed with her at the time. Because I was already suppose to be in NYC before her. That was the plan. This breakup was not like oh we are not compatable anymore. It is I am 26 and she is 24 and she wants to see the world. And my plan has changed and is a huge VARIABLE. I think of it like this. The stress about moving to NYC to work for a top 25 company on their largest account. And knowing no one. She did long distance with a guy for 3 years. I am her second longest relationship and the biggest thing I think she regretted there is missing out on things in college. She still has no idea where I will end up. I have not told her in the last 2 months I a going to NYC PERIOD. I have told her I would go to the place that will give me the best job. Which will be NYC at the end if I pass the CPA I am pretty sure I can get a job in the largest city in the US. She contacts me too. We talked twice, she called i called. I texted her like 5 times starting a conversation she did twice. Yeah I agree if she still loved me she would be making plans with me to move to NYC. But, how can she when I am such a variable and have not committed to her. She had a plan but I really didn't.... Last week while talking on instant messenger she comes out and says.. me: evening you... 10:42 PM Elena: hey 5 minutes 10:48 PM me: how was your day Elena: ha, you'll love this the first floor of my building is a really good sushi restuatnat 10:49 PM the non trendy kind funny 10:54 PM how was your day? me: it has been a long day 12 hours of studying today 10:55 PM signed up for the CIA That is just one example of things she says to me about things in NYC that I would really enjoy. I know love is blind. But is it really over? Or does she mean she does not see this working long term mean long distance? Thank you.
boogieboy Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 if she wanted to make it work long distance, she would. You wouldnt be worried about it.
Recommended Posts