BW007 Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 I have lived through the really dark time of an awful breakup that I really did not want to happen. I miss her a lot and there is still a vacuum where she used to be. I wonder very often what she is doing and where she is etc.... I have kept NC for a long time and I will continue but honest to god, I wish she would break it and apologize like crazy. That is such a twisted little dream I guess and the longer it does not happen the more respect I lose for her. Is it unhealthy to harbor gopes like that? Part of my problem in our relationship is that I let myself exclude too many friends and now I don't have my own life together. I also lost all my game over the years and got so kicked in the nuts by her cheating that I am scared to death to ever have anything like this much pain happening again. I am seriously gunshy. I think its age too. I don't want to screw it up anymore. I don't know if I could survive this again. I am definitely a person that gets too isolated when I am single. Its getting better slowly though.
Author BW007 Posted July 26, 2009 Author Posted July 26, 2009 Gopes ! hahaha. Is that like gay hopes?
Road To Joy Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Part of my problem in our relationship is that I let myself exclude too many friends and now I don't have my own life together. I also lost all my game over the years and got so kicked in the nuts by her cheating that I am scared to death to ever have anything like this much pain happening again. I am seriously gunshy. I think its age too. I don't want to screw it up anymore. I don't know if I could survive this again. I am definitely a person that gets too isolated when I am single. This was exactly my problem in the relationship. Though one of many, 'cause that's not the reason the relationship actually ended. But it WAS one of my own personal problems that just nagged me everyday. I would hang out with people, sure, but I turned down way too many offers while I was with her. Offers to go out and meet new people. Now I regret this. If I wouldn't have done the things I did, I would be in a different place right now. I would have an amazing social life, and it would be a lot easier to distract myself. The chances of me knowing someone I could 'kill loneliness' with would also be a lot higher. Whilst all this happened, she was going out with friends and even cheating on me. She lied to me about hanging out with her friends all the time, too. She left me heartbroken, and lonely. She's pretty much the only girlfriend I've had, too. So I'm scared about getting back out there and dating again, I'm not sure how to do it. I hope karma bites her in the ass. But anyways, what I've been trying to say is everything you described, I've felt and am feeling. So you're not alone on that one. And our situations seem similar, so you're not alone on that department, either.
EmperorR Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 I was the same I lost all my close friends, just was always with my cheating ex fiance all the time, and when she cheated and left me I was all alone, even now almost a year later, i'm still trying to regain old friends but its not the same.
BackonTrack2 Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Hello, I am in the same boat along with you guys. I feel as if I let allot of good offers go, actually that is not true, I turned down those offer's on my own accord and was just really happy to sleep next to her. In hindsight, I think I was in love with her but long behold, it turns out the ex was cheating. There are so many reason(s) why it could of happen but at the end of the day it was destiny as she has cheated on all her boyfriends. About 16 months later, I am still struggling, in a way better state that I was before, even had a few sexual partners, about 5 or 6 but it was never the same. If I have learned anything over the course of these many months, its that communication is the key to any successful relationship. What I don't understand or have a hard time grasping is "why didn't she tell me when the affair started" and then I remind myself "She had to make sure it would work out before throwing me away." I think that is what hurt the most, I woke up a few days ago with a notion of "She hurt my heart", then I brushed it off and kept on going. In the end, she was not loyal and this is my burden to bear.
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