victim_of_love Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 I've dug myself in such a huge hole its ridiculous. I don't know how I got here, but I want to get out of it in whatever way I can. I just need some guidance from people who've been through this before. Here is the situation. My ex girlfriend and I broke up on bad terms. Miscommuncation between the both of us. She wouldn't come see me anymore and I thought she was too focused on other stuff to worry about me, so I broke up with her. That caused a bit of tension between us. Now weeks later, we started talking again and everything seemed well. The next day I tried asking her out again, and it turned out REAL ugly. She started telling me stuff and I felt her pushing herself away from me, so I ended up getting desperate. I actually asked her if we could go back to the way we were before our relationship, which was when we were messing around sexually with each other. LOTS of messing around. For more on the story, go to this link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t194537/ She did not take that very well. In fact she took it as a VERY crucial insult and now won't even talk to me anymore. She has told me that she will never be nice to me ever again and then she ended it with a hard "F*** you". This was over text messaging, btw. I tried calling her to apologize many times but she ignored some and the ones she answered she just told me "I said NO!" and then hung up in my face. Now I'm like....what the f*** do I do now? I can't cut her loose because I still care about her. Honestly, I don't want to. I want to work it out. How do I do it is the problem. Can anyone help me out?
hoping2heal Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 You can't cut her loose? You talk about it like you have a choice in the matter. She is through with YOU. It isn't about you cutting her loose, you don't even have that option. I'm curious, why did you ask her if you could go back to when you two were more sexual with eachother? Is that what you really miss rather than the relationship?
Author victim_of_love Posted July 26, 2009 Author Posted July 26, 2009 IDK, I was desperate! Its not something I'm proud of asking. Maybe I was caught up with having sex with her, but damn its not my concern right now! I just want things to be cleared up again. So what? Are you telling me that there is nothing I can do? I'm suppose to just stop trying to patch things up with someone I consider a friend? Really?
Poepad Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 IDK, I was desperate! Its not something I'm proud of asking. Maybe I was caught up with having sex with her, but damn its not my concern right now! I just want things to be cleared up again. So what? Are you telling me that there is nothing I can do? I'm suppose to just stop trying to patch things up with someone I consider a friend? Really? Read Mars and Venus on a date, you skip too many steps in relationships. And you are not kidding anybody here you miss the sex. In order to want to make love a woman has to feel safe. You do not make her feel safe. You have to go back to being friends. Good luck
Author victim_of_love Posted July 26, 2009 Author Posted July 26, 2009 Read Mars and Venus on a date, you skip too many steps in relationships. And you are not kidding anybody here you miss the sex. In order to want to make love a woman has to feel safe. You do not make her feel safe. You have to go back to being friends. Good luck We never had sex. Yes, I miss the sexual activities we did. Hell, who wouldn't? Thats NOT why I want to clear things up. I want to clear things up so we can be friends again. Can someone please tell me how can I do that amidst all of this? I'm not focused on getting back with her as a gf right now. All I'm worrying about here is what can I do to make things better so we can be friends.
Author victim_of_love Posted July 26, 2009 Author Posted July 26, 2009 I apologize if I come across a bit irriated or aggravated. I just want things to be right again. I don't need people telling me I was wrong for saying what I said about going back to doing sexual stuff. I know I was wrong. I'm not happy about it cause its ****ed up a good relationship I had. So please, if you can, lend me advice on how to fix it.
georgia girl Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Victim, My ex did somewhat of a similar thing. At first, he just texted me/emailed me quite a bit and we were "friends," but then he started texting me about sex. It really offended me because he literally said he didn't want to date me but he missed me. At that point, like your ex, I cut off contact. I had no interest in someone who doesn't want to be my boyfriend but who will sleep with me. So, I think I'm in a pretty good position to tell you what she needs to hear to make things better. First, go see her. Don't call, don't text, don't email. Go and see her. She wants to see you make an effort. Then, apologize. Tell her that you were trying to be close to her and for guys that's physical. So, it was less about sex than it was closeness. Then, ask what steps you can begin taking - small, baby steps - to begin recapturing your relationship. Let her tell you a little bit about what she needs. Finally, keep talking. Don't shut down or off. It's not fair to your partner to guess what's going on. On the other hand, make sure you also just have fun together as well. Don't always get so mired in all of the yucky emotional stuff that you can't just enjoy each other. Therefore, I guess I'm saying make an effort to be emotionally available but don't make every contact about drama. Just have fun dates. My very last piece of advice is that if all you want is friendship with her - you don't want a relationship at all - just leave her alone. She's started healing and that's why she's not answering. Let her finish the job. If you contact her and fix things only to jump back on the fence and/or over the fence, you're a jerk. You will always have the opportunity down the road to be friends, but messing with her emotions now to fulfill a selfish need on your part not to be the bad guy, that will kill any future chance of friendship along with any respect she has for you. Of course, this is all IMO.
Author victim_of_love Posted July 26, 2009 Author Posted July 26, 2009 Thank you gg. Talking may not be a good idea right now. Imma let her cool off and leave her alone first. When I see her in person, I'll try apologizing again. I can honestly say thats what it was truly about. Closeness. Sex was never a concern with me. I just needed someone I could trust and who appreciated me.
georgia girl Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Then, leave her alone. She's getting over you and she needs to finish the job. Someday, a long time from now when it won't hurt her to hear you say it, you can explain that it was about closeness, not sex. At that point, she'll understand. But Victim, hear this: you're missing her and missing being special to someone. Read all of the other posts here about exes who keep contacting the person they broke up with and how much it hurts the dumpee. The classiest thing you can do is to stay away from her. It's about what she needs now. I know that you want to feel special to someone, but she's not it. Let her go and let her find someone else she thinks is special. She deserves that without any interference from you. (Not trying to be mean, but letting you know how you cross the fine line between being a good guy who broke up with a good girl and being that ass who broke up with a good girl.)
utterer of lies Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Can anyone help me out? Stop being a victim. Forget her.
matt1987 Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 if you love this girl so much, honestly the best thing you can do is not talk to her and let her make the contact. trust me, I went through a breakup 4 months ago and i did the same thing you did and after maybe a week and a half of the panick texts i gave up. the breakup is a very long story, but to get to the point she text me a couple weeks ago, and weve been talking ever since. so just try to lay back, its really your only option. yah i know its extremely hard but you just gotta fight the urge to text her
samspade Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I can't cut her loose because I still care about her. Honestly, I don't want to. I want to work it out. How do I do it is the problem. Can anyone help me out? Anything that you can't walk away from is your master; you are its SLAVE. How are you "in a hole"?? You're FREE, buddy. You really want a chick who tells you to get bent over a TEXT message? Use the only power you have in this situation, and walk away. You can get great sex from a much nicer girl.
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