analyzetheworld Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. We really love each other, and have worked through a lot of stuff together. She means a ton to me, and I know she feels the same about me. Our relationship is great on all levels, except for one. We compliment each other perfectly - my strengths covering her weaknesses, and vice versa. So why am I asking for advice….well, it’s our sex life. I used to be totally captivated by this girl, thought about her all the time, and wanted to be around her. Now, we’re living together, and we have all the opportunity in the world to have great passionate sex, and I’m finding myself lacking the desire. I feel it’s like this chore I have to do, to have sex with her (as she wants to do it a lot). It’s not that I don’t want sex either….when we first started being sexually active, we were doing it all the time. Now, though, we try all kinds of things (her getting sexy outfits, using lubes/creams, watching porn, etc.) I know I still love this girl, and that is not the problem. My problem I think is that things have become monotonous between us, and I don’t know how to get that “spark” back. I’m writing to get anyone’s advice on this, especially if you’ve been through something like this yourself in the past. Thanks.
Hkizzle Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 If your GF on this forum as well lol? On one of the other boards a girl is complaining she wants sex everyday and her BF isn't feeling the same. Anyway, differences in sex drive in a relationship happens a lot. There's not much you can do about it if you try to spice things up and it's still different. The key though is not to push it, or to think there's something wrong, that depresses sex drive even more because it then becomes stressful. You two need to understand that one party had a different needs. As for losing interest sexually, a lot of men and women experience this. We're geared to watch sex a lot at the start, and that decreases over time for some people. It's to do with biological drive to reproduce when you first find an attractive partner. Doesn't mean though other areas of the relationship is not working.
vanilla87 Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Now, we’re living together, and we have all the opportunity in the world to have great passionate sex, and I’m finding myself lacking the desire. First off, this is just my opinion, but maybe its cause you moved into quickly. Most people that move in together usually end up seeing certain "things". Like you might hear the other person go to the bathroom or end up seeing habits that they have never shared with you before that turn you off. Little things like this is why I tend to wait till I know for sure that even those things won't be a buzz kill for my sex drive. I feel it’s like this chore I have to do, to have sex with her (as she wants to do it a lot). Sex shouldn't feel like a chore. Once it gets to that point ask yourself when was the last time it didn't feel that way? You need to back track and find where the problem began. It’s not that I don’t want sex either….when we first started being sexually active, we were doing it all the time. Well thats normal to be that active when you first start having sex with someone new, I've done that too haha. Now, though, we try all kinds of things (her getting sexy outfits, using lubes/creams, watching porn, etc.) Well thats what people do when they need to spice it up in the bedroom. If none of that is working, you need to get rid of all that and just go back to square one. Maybe your not being spontaneous enough outsider the bedroom. Have you tired other places in the house/apartment that you live in? Try the kitchen or the living room for that matter. Like when you get the urge just go up to her and start kissing her neck or something similar. Maybe even walk up to her, grab her face and kiss her mad with passion. And take her right there. By doing that it'll remind her to have fun and be wild and young again when it comes to sex. I know I still love this girl, and that is not the problem. My problem I think is that things have become monotonous between us, and I don’t know how to get that “spark” back. You need to be unpredictable to get that spark back. Be random about the sex and where and when. When you first did it, did you plan on together the EXACT moment you would do it and when? probably not, because it was spontaneous and in the moment. Thats how sex should be, unless your married, have kids, and no time, then yeah I can say plan a night or day for just sex. But if your not, then just go for it, at the drop of the hat when you see her and get that urge, just go for it. You'll bring that lost spark you crave so much back into your lives.
utterer of lies Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. We really love each other, and have worked through a lot of stuff together. She means a ton to me, and I know she feels the same about me. Our relationship is great on all levels, except for one. We compliment each other perfectly - my strengths covering her weaknesses, and vice versa. So why am I asking for advice….well, it’s our sex life. I used to be totally captivated by this girl, thought about her all the time, and wanted to be around her. Now, we’re living together, and we have all the opportunity in the world to have great passionate sex, and I’m finding myself lacking the desire. I feel it’s like this chore I have to do, to have sex with her (as she wants to do it a lot). It’s not that I don’t want sex either….when we first started being sexually active, we were doing it all the time. Now, though, we try all kinds of things (her getting sexy outfits, using lubes/creams, watching porn, etc.) I know I still love this girl, and that is not the problem. My problem I think is that things have become monotonous between us, and I don’t know how to get that “spark” back. Sometimes, you realize that the girl is not the right one. Move on. Of course you could try some kinks or whatever, but usually, when you don't feel it anymore (the sexual spark), that only delays the inevitable.
norajane Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Maybe the problem isn't sex, per se, but romance. When you move in together and sex is easily available, you often start taking it for granted and stop doing the things that attracted you to each other in the first place. Do you go out on dates? Think back to when you first asked her out - do you plan a special evening out anymore? Look forward to taking her to a special dinner so you can talk and laugh and flirt and look into each other's eyes? Do you make plans to go hear live music or a street fair or concert? Do you get out of the house and do fun things together anymore, like going for a bike ride or to a baseball game or swimming or friends' barbecues or parties? Do you go away for weekends and have hot hotel sex? Treat her like you did when you started dating, flirt with her, be playful and open. If you don't make an effort outside the bedroom, yeah, the sex isn't going to be special and it won't hold you together. How would you feel if she walked out on you? Do you want to keep her in your life? If so, then you have to look at her and treat her as though that could happen - don't be so sure of her that you take your relationship for granted. You wouldn't be the first guy who got dumped because your gf met a guy who made her feel like he couldn't wish for anything better than to be with her.
Recommended Posts