kooldude Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 To make the story short, my girlfriend was acting weird the past two days. (she got upset with me for some family reasons). We were fine lately, but I felt that she wasnt being her usual. Last night she kept texting when we were hanging out. Today in the morning, I felt curious of what she was texting all night and I saw messages with her ex. She said she was busy and stuff, but I kept looking at past messages and some of them said that she was still in love and wanted to get back. I got really mad, I eventually told her what I did. She got mad at me for invading her privacy. We talked a little and she pointed out that she said those things when she was upset at me and if i checked the new messages she kept saying she was with her bf and the ex aknowledged that. So now we are broken up, she says that she doesnt trust me anymore at all. I know I screw up really bad by checking her phone, granted if i wanted to know I would've asked her and she would've showed me. But I cant lose her like this, I love her too much, and we've gone through sooo much. I apologized and said I would make it up if she let me, but she doesnt say anything, just that she doesnt trusts me anymore, etc. What can I do?? please help!
LittleGuyBigIssues Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Ouch, well its indeed wrong of you to nose into her private stuff. Its just as wrong of her to mislead you aswell as her ex. Did she happen to get back with her ex by any chance? Because if so then she might just have been "on the fence" and using your action as an excuse. As for gaining back trust, thats something im working on with my own girlfriend and thats a tricky one. In my case she atleast wants to work together to rebuild that trust. But in your case; if she doesnt want to it means she has no interest in you anymore. Or maybe hasnt had interest in you since she started 'emotionally cheating' on you behind your back with her ex. EDIT: Its also questionable if you can trust HER after those messages. To be honest to me thats a huge red flag. Did she actually also show those latest messages in which she made a clear break with her ex?
whichwayisup Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 She has blamed you for her choice in falling back inlove and wanting her ex back? Holy crap..She has balls.. All this means is, she KNOWS she screwed up but isn't going to admit that to you. She'd rather blame you, make you the bad guy (invading her privacy) than come clean and just be honest. Anyway, as much as you love her, now you can't trust her. She isn't worth it..Sorry.
whichwayisup Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 I apologized and said I would make it up if she let me, but she doesnt say anything, just that she doesnt trusts me anymore, etc. Gaslighting big time! What that means is, she's making you seem like the crazy one, who did something wrong and she is innocent in all this mess (that she created). Imagine if you hadn't seen those messages? What if a month from now, she was physically cheating on you with her ex? Better it ends now.. You say sorry to her, yet she won't say anything back? Won't apologize for HER sneaky behaviour? WTF. Instead of being sad, down and out, get MAD!
Bayern Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 I'd suggest apologizing and moving on if it doesn't work. If a little fight is all it takes for her to start wanting to date her ex, the relationship doesn't sound as strong as it could be...
Dolos Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 She has a pair on her saying she doesn't trust you anymore. Shes just deflecting, she ****ed up, she knows it, so shes getting mad at you to keep the heat off herself. And you really think she would have showed you the messages had you asked? She would have gotten mad, walked away, deleted them, and showed you her inbox at a later time. Just ignore her, if shes really going to leave you for checking her phone (And actually finding something) it wasn't going to last anyway, especially with the ex involved.
Hkizzle Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Yeah you shouldn't have checked her stuff then confronted her about it. But she did the classic push the blame on you strategy. If you rescue this, it's going to backfire on you.
hoping2heal Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Agreed you shouldn't of snooped. But there are bigger fish to fry here. I don't buy for two minutes that she said those things just because she was mad at you, I don't doubt there is a hint of truth to them. That said, let's suppose she did; is that the kind of girl you want to date? A revenge f*cker? Who will mess with someone elses head and hurt them to hurt you? Or go off and sleep with an ex because she's mad at you? (hence the term revenge f*cker). I get angry with my partner at times, but I sure as hell don't go to any man about it and try and flirt with him and I DEFINATELY do not say things like "I'm still in love and want to get back with you." This doesn't seem like a very good girl to have swimming in your pool aimgo.
boogieboy Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Yeah she used yoru snooping as an excuse to break it off, she was planning on doing it anyway. Dont bother with her, shes still hung up on her ex, and you were a rebound. Theres no getting this one back. Disappear from her life completely. Theres nothing to save.
utterer of lies Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 To make the story short, my girlfriend was acting weird the past two days. (she got upset with me for some family reasons). We were fine lately, but I felt that she wasnt being her usual. Last night she kept texting when we were hanging out. Today in the morning, I felt curious of what she was texting all night and I saw messages with her ex. She said she was busy and stuff, but I kept looking at past messages and some of them said that she was still in love and wanted to get back. I got really mad, I eventually told her what I did. She got mad at me for invading her privacy. We talked a little and she pointed out that she said those things when she was upset at me and if i checked the new messages she kept saying she was with her bf and the ex aknowledged that. So now we are broken up, she says that she doesnt trust me anymore at all. I know I screw up really bad by checking her phone, granted if i wanted to know I would've asked her and she would've showed me. But I cant lose her like this, I love her too much, and we've gone through sooo much. I apologized and said I would make it up if she let me, but she doesnt say anything, just that she doesnt trusts me anymore, etc. What can I do?? please help! Accept it's over. Your breaking of her privacy is just a nice, convenient argument for her, not a true reason.
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 LOL...she lies to you (by omission) about her ex because of a little fight you two had, and YOU'RE the one made to feel guilty? Classic. This girl is GOOD. If it takes a little argument to get her to try and get back with her ex, then she's not really committed to you. WHY would you want to fix this? She sounds manipulative and perfectly self-justified in trying to get back with her ex. Granted, it wasn't cool snooping her phone, but she's just ticked you found out her secret and has turned the blame to you. If she wasn't doing anything sneaky, it wouldn't be a big deal if you looked at her texts. I haven't a damn thing to hide, so if my BF went through my phone, I wouldn't be mad at him. I don't care. If I truly felt like he was being distrustful of me, I'd address THAT issue first.
Author kooldude Posted July 26, 2009 Author Posted July 26, 2009 wow i never thought i would get this many responses. lol. yeah after I thought about it, she was just putting the blame on me like some of you say, it was wrong but if she had nothing to hide there wouldnt be any problem. The thing she and I dated six months ago, then we had some problems and she started dating the ex again, that was a on and off relationship. So i left the country for a while to get away from all this BS and well "she realized what she lost" so things started to flourish between us again, she broke up with her ex again. So when I got back things were fine, untill all this happened. Oh something more, last night my best friends who live with her told me she had brought the ex over, so Im not stupid, it over and she just tried to make me see myself as the bad guy instead of the victim. thanks for your responses, anything else yall want to tell, let me know
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