Exit Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Although by all appearances, I'm "recovering", I am coming apart at the seams inside. I got a new job, been hanging out with another girl (trust me it doesn't help when it's not what you want), it would seem to most people that finally I'm making progress. But I have never felt worse. She told me that she doesn't think she loves the guy she is seeing now and that just lit a fire under me to keep trying to win her back. I've asked her to set me free and tell me I have ZERO CHANCE, tell me she loves him, but she won't say it. I wanted to go talk to a doctor but the soonest I can go is Monday so I have all weekend to be miserable, and I doubt the doctor will help either. Everyone told me getting a job would help me feel like I have a routine again but instead all it does is make it hard to eat healthy during the day and have enough energy to work out at night, which was the one thing making me happy. But I need the money too. I am so miserable.
You'reasian Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Although by all appearances, I'm "recovering", I am coming apart at the seams inside. I got a new job, been hanging out with another girl (trust me it doesn't help when it's not what you want), it would seem to most people that finally I'm making progress. But I have never felt worse. She told me that she doesn't think she loves the guy she is seeing now and that just lit a fire under me to keep trying to win her back. I've asked her to set me free and tell me I have ZERO CHANCE, tell me she loves him, but she won't say it. I wanted to go talk to a doctor but the soonest I can go is Monday so I have all weekend to be miserable, and I doubt the doctor will help either. Everyone told me getting a job would help me feel like I have a routine again but instead all it does is make it hard to eat healthy during the day and have enough energy to work out at night, which was the one thing making me happy. But I need the money too. I am so miserable. Go find yourself another girl. There's always someone new out there. As far as eating healthy during the day, packing your lunch is a faster and healthier option.
Author Exit Posted July 25, 2009 Author Posted July 25, 2009 Easier said than done. I don't know where to meet people. I don't want to go a bar because I wouldn't want to be with a girl who spends her free time in bars. I do pack my own food but still, running around trying to get out of the house on time I just grab junk and then eat more junk at night when I get home because I'm unhappy. I know I am letting her do this to me but I can't stop. That's why I keep asking her to just tell me to go. She keeps reading my letters, and occasionally responding, she tells me she isn't in love with the guy she's seeing, she won't tell me that I have zero chance. I keep trying because I will always feel like if I give up today, tomorrow would have been the day she came back. I am walking a tightrope between dignity and patience, I can't decide if I need to have more dignity and stop pursuing, or have more patience and show her that I still want this.
You'reasian Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Easier said than done. I don't know where to meet people. I don't want to go a bar because I wouldn't want to be with a girl who spends her free time in bars. I do pack my own food but still, running around trying to get out of the house on time I just grab junk and then eat more junk at night when I get home because I'm unhappy. I know I am letting her do this to me but I can't stop. That's why I keep asking her to just tell me to go. She keeps reading my letters, and occasionally responding, she tells me she isn't in love with the guy she's seeing, she won't tell me that I have zero chance. I keep trying because I will always feel like if I give up today, tomorrow would have been the day she came back. I am walking a tightrope between dignity and patience, I can't decide if I need to have more dignity and stop pursuing, or have more patience and show her that I still want this. Think about what you like to do for fun. Go do it. Meet new people and take it from there if I can do it, you can. If you like to bowl, sign up for a bowling league. Go forth and meet people. Buy less junk. Buy things that are perishable, fresh vegetables, fruits, bread etc. its ok to eat junk every now and then, but not too often.
Heartbroken-idiot Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 i feel exactly the same mate, i dont want anyone else no matter how many people tell you it will help but i dont know with my ex, we had been speaking for the last week after no contact for a month and things were going well, emailed a lot and spoke on the phone for a few hours but now i dunno, i just sit here listening to music and cant stop myself crying and feeling liek ****. god i feel so f'ing ruined inside, like i would give anything to make her happy and i know i coudl if she wanted to open up and let me. i now sit here and wait for a reply like i have done all day but i dont think its coming somehow. and no the doctor cant really help, ive been given a few different medications now and non of which stop this gut wretching pain when ithink shes not with me anymore
You'reasian Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Pick yourselfs up. Ok, it might feel good to lay on the ground, kicking and screaming but when you want to get up, no one's gonna do it for you.
georgia girl Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Exit, She doesn't want to hurt you anymore, because she can see you're hurting, so she's not saying the words. But look at her actions. She has moved on. It's time for you to move on. Happiness can truly be a state of mind. You've got a girl who likes you and is probably willing to go to a movie tonight or out for a drink at a new pub/bar. Go do that. Quit focusing on her so much. It's hard - I know... we ALL know - but it's doable. You can be happy but you need to make the effort. Believe me, if I thought that God would step in and fix my mess just because he saw how unhappy I was, I would do it. He's not going to so I'm getting on with my life and I promise I will be happy again soon. So, will you.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 I feel your pain. At least your ex is talking to you and stuff, though. But damn, it's painful, isn't it? The memories, facing reality, facing being alone, facing the emptiness... facing remembering so clearly her face when she said she loved you. I feel your pain, and it is overwhelming. Every day. There is no consolation, but we must stay strong and time shall heal us. We need to persevere. We have to be above this. I have to figure out how.
You'reasian Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Exit, She doesn't want to hurt you anymore, because she can see you're hurting, so she's not saying the words. But look at her actions. She has moved on. It's time for you to move on. Happiness can truly be a state of mind. You've got a girl who likes you and is probably willing to go to a movie tonight or out for a drink at a new pub/bar. Go do that. Quit focusing on her so much. It's hard - I know... we ALL know - but it's doable. You can be happy but you need to make the effort. Believe me, if I thought that God would step in and fix my mess just because he saw how unhappy I was, I would do it. He's not going to so I'm getting on with my life and I promise I will be happy again soon. So, will you. I like georgia girls attitude...wanna go out for a beer?
georgia girl Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Sure... but I'm a girl, so you gotta pick me up. I don't walk into a bar alone!
Heartbroken-idiot Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 but its figuring out how Thomas that seems to be the problem, there is no answer, everyone is different, and it sucks. yeah its nice that me and my ex still talk but its more on her command than myown, she has my number, if she doesnt email back there is nothing i can do other than sit and wait, and try and pass the time while i do, and if she decides not to then i have to sit and wait again, because i know i am my own worst enemy, NC kills me but contacting and then NC kills too. so either way its a loss. why cant things just be simple? like just run smooth?
georgia girl Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Things aren't smooth because what you want and what she's willing to offer are not the same thing. My ex texts me all of the time. He also manages to show up at my house. However, when asked if he wants our relationship back, he immediately backs off. Therefore, I just ignore his texts, etc., and I've done it now for 15 days. Eventually, he'll stop. Until then, I am using it as an ego boost. He has NO IDEA that it gets to me (thank God). But it makes me feel good to think that he's still thinking about me. Yeah, it sucks when they contact you, but only if you give them that power. If you don't respond, then it doesn't suck so much... especially if you get on with your life. Then, you actually enjoy so many other things that their contact is a pleasant surprise or a mere "oh, so-and-so called," and not the only thing keeping you hanging on.
Heartbroken-idiot Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 yeah i know what you mean, but i dont have anything else so that is the highlight of my day and i think she knows this, just from what she said. i wish i could just be like o yeah i guess ill email her back now, a day or 2 later, but im not, i reply quite soon because i love talking to her, but i just feel like a t w a t when i do so but cant help it, thats why i mean its so self destructive.
georgia girl Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 That's what I'm telling you! Just don't answer this one time. Ignore it. If she really wants you back, she would chase you. You not answering one text/email wouldn't stop her. So, ignore this one. You will feel so much better once you do it. (By the way, I can nearly guarantee that she'll send you another one. My ex does and the man hasn't received a response from me in over two weeks. But this puts you back in control.) Just do it this one time. Post here instead of replying. You'll thank yourself.
hrtbrk hotel tenant Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 it is hard to let go i know but have to agree if she wanted u back u would know until then just walk with pride even when u hurt inside maybe she is not ready i think once she knows that u wont just drop everything on the drop of a nickel for her then maybe she can see i really love him too....stop being a freakin nice guy.
Heartbroken-idiot Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 i cant help being nice though its just in my nature, im too nice sometimes, i do too much and i know they take it for granted and dont apreciate it as much anymore but i cant help being nice to her , i love her to much
Author Exit Posted July 25, 2009 Author Posted July 25, 2009 Someone on page one made a comment about not waiting around for God to fix the mess. That's exactly my point, I did take responsibility for my situation and get back on track the best I know how. And still life won't give me one little break, won't give me something to be happy about. Getting a new job made me feel worse. Seeing movies with other girls makes me feel worse. Being physical with other girls is temporary fun that ends in regret. If I sat here helpless and expected divine intervention, then yeah I would deserve to have poor results. But I pushed the pain aside and tried to get back on track, and then the pain just comes back even worse when you're having a bad night. I really just do not want to exist anymore. I cannot get over her and I do not deserve to hurt every day.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Exit, I need you to contact me. My website has my email, and my myspace. Also, my aim name is "Not ThomasX". My website is... well, imagine my name. Thomasx. Then add a .com to my name. Please contact me, for two reasons. Firstly, because the path you're walking on is a dead end. Secondly, because I'm going through the same. Don't suffer alone. What we need right now is someone who is going through the same. We have to depend on each other to get through such darkness. Do yourself a favor and contact me, I'd be glad to keep you company, and vice versa. Same with EVERYONE here. The more the merrier. I don't care who you are, but if you're going through this, contact me. P.S. to the guy who said he's "too nice". I'll tell you something that Caliguy told me. Read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy!". Google it. It can save your life.
You'reasian Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Sure... but I'm a girl, so you gotta pick me up. Piggy back? Honey moon-style? How should I lift you? I've got to be able to pick you up for us to go out.... I don't walk into a bar alone! And I thought you were independent
You'reasian Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 I really just do not want to exist anymore. I cannot get over her and I do not deserve to hurt every day. No offense, but any one you've dated or whose been your girlfriend should not have this much influence on your life.
MrFun Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 I really just do not want to exist anymore. I cannot get over her and I do not deserve to hurt every day. What exactly was so wonderful about her? What is it about her that you can't find anywhere else?
andreww Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 you should hang out with this new girl even if u dont want a relationship with her. it will feel good to make a new friend and getting some attention from another girl.
Author Exit Posted July 26, 2009 Author Posted July 26, 2009 What exactly was so wonderful about her? What is it about her that you can't find anywhere else? This caught me off guard and I realize I do have difficulty coming up with a list of what exactly was so "good" about her. First I thought I would reply and say "I don't know, it's intangible, something I can't describe, but it was there". But that sounds like a load of BS. I don't know. We had so much in common. And I don't know if it was genuine or if she is just so good at transforming for each of her boyfriends that she automatically seems to be into all of the same things. It goes beyond things in common to the point that we could even accept each other's guilty pleasures, we could talk about the things that you'd normally want to hide from your partner for dear life for fear of embarrassment. I know I can find another human being with common interests, but I'm talking about having so many subtle connections between us, so many things that we got along about and enjoyed together, I do not expect to find that easily. I have a hard time connecting with people enough to consider them just friends, I do not find girlfriends easily. But I realize I'm talking more about "us" and not what was good about HER. And I'm not going to lie and try to deny it, especially with how crappy I feel at this point, it is hard to remember what is good about her. She's selfish, she wants a guy who jumps through hoops and appreciates her when she doesn't feel like she should have to do the same, she's stubborn, can't communicate, on and on and on. But she's a smart, polite, responsible girl, who lives a simple life and reminds me of the way things were when I was younger. No going to clubs to drink every weekend, no hanging out with the wrong type of people, no drugs, no drama. She's close with her family and friends and is very affectionate when she wants to be. I just feel like my "type" is long gone. Everyone wants to be on Myspace posting 400 pictures of themselves, partying every weekend, getting into trouble, acting stupid, and she was none of that. Why the heck did I not appreciate what I have? Just last night I went to some girl's place and she had a friend over and they were incredibly drunk, so much so that they walked off to the bedroom and never came back, presumably because they fell asleep. And I'm just sitting in this empty living room realizing it's not where I want to be. I let myself out the front door at 2:30am and as I drove home on the empty streets I couldn't help but start asking again why life had to do this to me. Why did I have to be a typical stupid human who didn't realize what I had until it's long gone. God this hurts.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Same here exit. You have to understand though that you're just remembering the good. You have to take into account that it took two to fail. Just because she ended it, doesn't mean you were worse.
Heartbroken-idiot Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Exit, god with what you write it sounds so familiar, mine was exactly the same, im only 22 but act a lot older in my age when it comes to things like getting piss*d every weekend and the finer things in life and everyone i meet or know has no idea what they are and just wanna get drunk all the time, untill i met her and she was the same as me, we went out sometimes but didnt have to or a NEED to like most of the generation now and shes 2 years younger than i am. And what you say about losing and then realising, well i did realise about a year ago, shame it too late for what id done to the realtionship by then but i tried my hardest for a year and put her above everything and now i feel crazy in love with a girl who i still think loves me but doesnt want to come to terms with it. i know life is hard and there are worse things out there but i feel your pain Exit, far too well
Recommended Posts