jen924 Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Wondering your opinions on this. the guy Im seeing he has mention several times about him being a nice guy. i've had other guys in the past say this too. i think if a person is really nice they don't have to go tell people. is this some attempt for you to pity them? what do you think
Crow9726 Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Perhaps he has been friend-zoned enough that he's kinda gun shy. He wants it known upfront that he isn't the proverbial bad boy that the ladies tend to flock after and get used by. He may figure that by confessing this early...the lady will be kind and sensitive enough to let him know she is tired of the players and really wants a good guy/nice guy. Or...she will let him know that she is into the probable abuse and drama the bad boys bring into a relationship...and relegate him to the friend zone once again.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Haha, no. My friend was out at a bar the other night with some people (including me). This guy was hitting on her. We could tell she was uncomfortable because he was really invading her personal space. After he left she told us that while he was trying to hit on her, and she said she wasn't interested, he said "why won't you give the nice guys a chance"? Then he told her that her "problem" was that she "always" turns down the nice guys. He said she was going to be old and alone with a bunch of cats. Haha! "Your problem" ? "Always"? He didn't even know her. How could he say she "always" did something when he didn't even know her? Loser.
sally4sara Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Haha, no. My friend was out at a bar the other night with some people (including me). This guy was hitting on her. We could tell she was uncomfortable because he was really invading her personal space. After he left she told us that while he was trying to hit on her, and she said she wasn't interested, he said "why won't you give the nice guys a chance"? Then he told her that her "problem" was that she "always" turns down the nice guys. He said she was going to be old and alone with a bunch of cats. Haha! "Your problem" ? "Always"? He didn't even know her. How could he say she "always" did something when he didn't even know her? Loser. Oh come on, that sound like a perfectly reasonable "neg"! I am in awe of this fella's social skills! :lmao:
Thaddeus Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Wondering your opinions on this. the guy Im seeing he has mention several times about him being a nice guy. i've had other guys in the past say this too. i think if a person is really nice they don't have to go tell people. is this some attempt for you to pity them? what do you thinkI think it's very similar to a woman constantly asserting she's "strong and independent." Those who truly are don't wear it like some sort of badge.
You'reasian Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Wondering your opinions on this. the guy Im seeing he has mention several times about him being a nice guy. i've had other guys in the past say this too. i think if a person is really nice they don't have to go tell people. is this some attempt for you to pity them? what do you think Whether a guy says he's nice OR behaves too nice or both, its out of the question - he's automatically friend zoned himself. I think it would be better for him to be cool headed rather than nice.
nobody's girl Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Personally, I find it a huge turn off. makes me think the guy is insecure and/or overcompensating. Reminds me of the CEO I worked for. Had 1000 employees and he made it a point of telling anyone and everyone how he knew each employee by name (helped, of course, but the fact that they all wore name tags). If he genuinely knew everyone's name and was proud of that fact, why did he feel the need to tell everyone about it? Instead of sounding like a good guy, he came off as sounding like some pretentious idiot who felt his ***** doesn't stink and that he's just oh-so-wonderful for knowing every one of his peon's names. Was a huge turn off for his employees and everyone in the community who had to hear about how great of a guy he felt he was. If a guy feels it necessary to tell you he's a nice guy, he probably isn't. Spend some time with him and you'll probably find he's an obnoxious jerk. JMO.
dreamergrl Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 No! My new roommate claimed to be the nicest guy I could ever find in Denver. He's got something lodged in his thinking, because he's not really that nice. Only when he wants something. He's very double standarded. A walking billboard for how double standards work. I think a true nice guy wont feel the need to 'brag' about it. They will be who they are. They have nothing to prove. However, when someone is, well not nice - or even mean in some way, they feel the need to over compensate, and make everyone believe they are nice. Maybe even manuplate. Just my two sense.
jerbear Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Perhaps he has been friend-zoned enough that he's kinda gun shy. He wants it known upfront that he isn't the proverbial bad boy that the ladies tend to flock after and get used by. He may figure that by confessing this early...the lady will be kind and sensitive enough to let him know she is tired of the players and really wants a good guy/nice guy. Or...she will let him know that she is into the probable abuse and drama the bad boys bring into a relationship...and relegate him to the friend zone once again.Friend zone and friendzone. he said "why won't you give the nice guys a chance"? Then he told her that her "problem" was that she "always" turns down the nice guys. He said she was going to be old and alone with a bunch of cats. Haha! "Your problem" ? "Always"? He didn't even know her. How could he say she "always" did something when he didn't even know her? Loser.This is what happens when the "nice" guy gets turned down. He is just playing the good nice boy first then bad boy hoping she would feel bad. Oldest trick of using an insult first then compliment; then a conversation starts. Still a loser.
Thaddeus Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 I can speak as a "recovering nice guy." I say "recovering" because I guess it's a bit like an addiction; it never really goes away, you just learn to manage it. Here's the thing about so-called "nice guys": Dreamergrl pretty much nailed it when she wrote about manipulation. And it's an insidious, poisonous sort of manipulation. "Nice guys" appear to be that way but the reason they're so "nice" is because they want something. It's been called the "covert contract"; that is, the guy is being "nice" because he's got this quid pro quo set up in his head that if he does certain things and is a certain way, he'll somehow get rewarded. But the thing about it is that he won't be upfront and tell you what it is. And when he fails to get what he wanted, he'll suddenly become hurt and bitter and the whole passive-aggressive schmear because you weren't able to read his mind. I can speak to this personally. I was the KING of covert contracts. And I played the whole passive-aggressive card with some people that didn't deserve it. One other thing about "nice guys" that may be worth remembering. They are NOT happy. They KNOW in their heart of hearts that they're fighting a losing battle. The smiles, the niceness, the favors they'll do for you and all the rest are painful to do because they know that the other party is highly unlikely to fulfill their part of the covert contract. It's not just men that do this, women do it as well, but generally women do it to other women rather than men. There's actually an online message board, similar to this, for recovering nice guys. I don't belong to it though I do cruise through on occasion. It may be against LS policy to post links to other boards and I'd rather not take the risk of being banned, but if you do a google search (or your favourite search engine) to Dr Robert Glover and No More Mr Nice Guy Forum you'll be bound to find it.
hoping2heal Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Let's see, the last time I went out on a date with a guy who told me he was "a nice, regular guy". I found out just shy of our second date he had a record as a pervert. I never would have known either, he was a complete gentlemen. Open the doors for you etc. It just so happened that my dad's neighbor knew of him because it was her friends daughter he had been stalker and pervy about. If a guy has to tell me he's a nice guy, I'm skeptical. Doesn't matter anymore though, I already have the best man around .
Author jen924 Posted July 25, 2009 Author Posted July 25, 2009 Well this guy I'm speaking of. He has used the nice guy line more than once. I remember him giving me examples of when someone thought he was being nice. from the very beginning he called himself a nice guy. A recent argument we had he said, good guys can only take so much. i noticed he called a few other guys nice guys as well. this was after their gf's or wives got upset at them. its like he takes the guys side. he thinks he is nice and all guys are nice. he told me his sister got mad at her husband for one reason or another and was like "he is such a nice guy i dont know why she is pushing him away". does this sound like bull to you or what. maybe he hates women im confused
You'reasian Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Just my two sense. Does that make you inhuman? lol
start-fresh Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Oooh, this is an easy one. Self professed nice guys are the worst. Usually, they don't have very much success with women and assume it's because they're nice, rather than realizing it's something else wrong with them. Then they get bitter and start taking it out on women who aren't interested in them for whatever reason. True 'nice guys' don't profess it. They're confident in who they are and that people will realize their true character by their actions.
aloneanddepressed Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 The jerk I was dating had it in his head he was the nicest guy, but come to find out he may not be so nice after all. I think because our relationship didn't work out, I can almost guarantee he blames me. He thinks it didn't work because he is a nice guy, and I'm the bad guy. I think in ways he is nice, but he doesn't need to be acting like he is a saint. When will these certain types realize they are not the nicest guys, and I don't think really nice guys go around saying they are nice!
Talby Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 "I'm a nice guy" translates to "I desperately want you to like me."
Sam Spade Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 No, never. My gruff exterior remains on even when it so happens that i actually do something nice for somebody. Being nice is just common sense and common courtesy (and anybody who disagrees with or does not understand that needs to be beaten into pulp). I have spoken .
Jilly Bean Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Guys who make a point to tell you how nice they are, are like guys who make a point of telling you what a big dick they have. LIARS.
IcemanJB Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 True 'nice guys' don't profess it. They're confident in who they are and that people will realize their true character by their actions. And we have a winner. In general I think it's pompous to talk about your own character in ANY matter. Let actions speak for you - anyone can talk themselves up.
BobSacamento Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 The true nice guys find more pleasure in people informing them they are nice rather than announcing it to the world.
norajane Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Genuinely nice people don't go around talking about themselves like that, nor do they spend a lot time thinking about how nice they are. They just go around being genuinely nice people. The ones that proclaim it, and think about it all the time, are the ones who are analyzing themselves to figure out what is "wrong" with them that they aren't attractive to others. Usually, the problem is not their niceness, but their social skills and attitude.
Els Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 What a wonderful paradox. Genuine honest people will never say that they've never told a lie before. Alpha males do not need to announce to the world that they are alpha males. And nice guys do not need to keep mentioning it, I'm afraid.
You'reasian Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 The jerk I was dating had it in his head he was the nicest guy, but come to find out he may not be so nice after all. I think because our relationship didn't work out, I can almost guarantee he blames me. He thinks it didn't work because he is a nice guy, and I'm the bad guy. I think in ways he is nice, but he doesn't need to be acting like he is a saint. When will these certain types realize they are not the nicest guys, and I don't think really nice guys go around saying they are nice! I think he's pure evil.
You'reasian Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 The true nice guys find more pleasure in people informing them they are nice rather than announcing it to the world. I think true nice guys also don't care whether people like them or not and are satisfied with their actions or behavior.
You'reasian Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 I'm afraid. With a smile like that, how could you be afraid?
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