tinaf Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 I've been the other woman for over 2 years, he has left his wife 3 times but each time gone back to her which broke my heart. I have tried to call it off so many times but he makes it very difficult for me. He tells me he can't live without me and that if i do finish with him he will kill himself. For the last 4 months he has been telling me that he is planning it all out and that very soon he will leave her. Part of me wants to believe him, the trouble is i'm not sure i believe anything he tells me anymore. He says he no longer has sex with her and that he hates the sight of her. He has children which he says it's the reason it is so hard to leave. Due to my lack of trust i have in the past checked his emails only to find he had registered on sex sites on 2 occasions. He tells me he was curious and never actually met anyone of them, i don't know if i believe him. I have no one i can get advice from, my closest friend won't even hear his name being mentioned, she is so cross at the way he has treated me. How can i be strong and finish it once and for all, he is a very controlling man and has a way of making me take him back every time. I need to get my life back, please give me some advice if you can.
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Don't believe him. He's a liar, you know this since he is cheating on his wife. He cannot keep his word, to you or to his wife. And yes, he more than likely HAS met other women and doesn't care since it's all about him. Why do you love him? This guy is a loser, he lies, cheats and is controlling. He treats you like crap, you only see him on HIS terms, his time frame. He loves all the attention and gets an ego feed along the way. He is lying to you about his wife. He isn't leaving her, has no intention to. Don't think he wouldn't lie to you - He lies to her, the mother of his kids, so why wouldn't he to you? Think about it.. It's unhealthy for you to be in this situation! You can do better, you just have to want to end it and stay strong. Cut him out of your life so you can heal, find love with a man who can offer you the world, not table scraps.. Keep posting and I hope you get the strength to dump him.
bentnotbroken Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 It's your life. If you won't stand up for it...who will?
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 A friend of mine from N. Georgia told me once that his old granny told him the secret to keeping a woman, and making sure she never leaves you: "Treat her like sh*t and tell her that you love her." You are hooked, and hard. Your heart has you blinded to obvious lies, and selectively deaf so that you only hear what seems to positive things. You want to know where this is headed? Nowhere. Things will always be like this: you holding on to what bright spots you fool yourself into seeing, and him cheating and lying and staying married.
Avenge&Allay Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Hey there, Tina. You get up walk out and never respond to this pig again..that is how you do it. He is cheating on his wife! and kids! and I bet he is cheating on you! Stop settling for garbage like this you don't need him and all his pitty is from wanting that effection from you and drama he is thriving on. Cut him off and if he does not go away then you use every lawful reason to get him away from you and if it means moving out of town then do so. Why oh why keep this guy in your life?.. just get rid of him..he has no worth and is a pig..can you see that?.. Also you should not be with a married man..it's just wrong. Please get rid of him and live life the way you want..he's taking advantage of you and you let him do it. You don't need to be strong..you need to be forcefull in looking him in the eye and saying "gone with you pig!" and never look back. Get rid of this burden in your life once and for all...he aint worth it.
jj33 Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 What the others said. And this BS that he will kill himself. Emotional manipulatoin of the highest degree. Block his emails. Block his phone calls. change your number if you have to. hes registered on a sex site and you BELIEVE he was just curious? About what? how many women he could eff in a week. DUMP HIM. NOW.
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Just remember that a man that is married is a man that is married, besides that, you have nothing you did wrong here. He manipulated you into this and you INNOCENTLY fell for it. Don't blame yourself..to many men out there like that and it's not your fault. Sorry, but some of this IS her fault. She chose to have an affair, knowing he was married from day one. She chose to believe him too, and right now she's choosing NOT to see the red flags.. Yes he has manipulated her, and alot of this is his fault as well, but she isn't blameless in all this. It takes two to have an affair.
Author tinaf Posted July 26, 2009 Author Posted July 26, 2009 I know i'm not blameless, from the very early days he led me to believe that his marriage was over. I have always felt bad about what i would be doing to his children. He came along just as i was separating from a loveless 23 years with a guy and he made me feel special and loved, i fell for it. Looking back i really wish i'd walked away but it was very difficult because at the time he was my boss and i was worried for my job. Pathetic looking back.
bentnotbroken Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 I know i'm not blameless, from the very early days he led me to believe that his marriage was over. I have always felt bad about what i would be doing to his children. He came along just as i was separating from a loveless 23 years with a guy and he made me feel special and loved, i fell for it. Looking back i really wish i'd walked away but it was very difficult because at the time he was my boss and i was worried for my job. Pathetic looking back. If you were crossing a street and out of no where a car came barreling toward you at a high speed....what would you do? Would you try to get out of the way as fast as possible to save yourself or would you close your eyes and prepare for impact knowing you didn't even try to move? This is the scenario you are in. What will you do? Save yourself or be flattened? You are in control, and the choice is only on you.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 I have tried to call it off so many times but he makes it very difficult for me. he is a very controlling man and has a way of making me take him back every time. It amazes me that you see yourself as being so powerless. He "makes" you, "controls" you - what are you, a slave? His indentured servant? No one is going to save you from this mess, least of all him. Time to be an adult and at least take some responsibilty for the choices you make. Sheesh! Mr. Lucky
bentnotbroken Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 ^ I think her scenario is a bit more difficult a decision than jumping out of the way of a car lol.. Actually it isn't. Your peace, your emotional stability, your physical health...indeed your life as you know it is at stake. We make things complicated. We muddy the waters. Everything is clear if we want it to be. Your opinion is indeed valid for you.
fooled once Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 I've been the other woman for over 2 years, he has left his wife 3 times but each time gone back to her which broke my heart. I have tried to call it off so many times but he makes it very difficult for me. He tells me he can't live without me and that if i do finish with him he will kill himself. bull crap. He says that to get action out of you. For the last 4 months he has been telling me that he is planning it all out and that very soon he will leave her. Actions speak louder than words Part of me wants to believe him, the trouble is i'm not sure i believe anything he tells me anymore. How do you believe a KNOWN liar?? He says he no longer has sex with her and that he hates the sight of her. HAHAHAHAHHA -- they ALL say that. He has children which he says it's the reason it is so hard to leave. It is hard to end a marriage when children are involved - but it has happened MANY MANY MANY times. This is just another excuse to keep you hanging on. Due to my lack of trust i have in the past checked his emails only to find he had registered on sex sites on 2 occasions. Gross. And honestly - stay out of his email. He tells me he was curious and never actually met anyone of them, i don't know if i believe him. I have no one i can get advice from, my closest friend won't even hear his name being mentioned, she is so cross at the way he has treated me. How can i be strong and finish it once and for all, he is a very controlling man and has a way of making me take him back every time. I need to get my life back, please give me some advice if you can. My responses above are in bold. I never get the whole "I can't" excuse from anyone. YOU CAN - you just don't want to for whatever reason (lonleiness, being scared, wanting to 'win' the competition with his wife, etc). You can do anything you put your mind to.
sg2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 It amazes me that you see yourself as being so powerless. He "makes" you, "controls" you - what are you, a slave? His indentured servant? No one is going to save you from this mess, least of all him. Time to be an adult and at least take some responsibilty for the choices you make. Sheesh! Mr. Lucky Mr. Lucky said it right. You are NO slave here. WHO is HE to have this much control over you. No ma'am, no ma'am you get yourself out of this & pronto! You gather your dignity & let your silence speak. Exit with grace & quickly. You CAN do this.
Author tinaf Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 I am scared that he will do something stupid but i have to tell myself he is not my problem. Part of me is scared of being lonely too, my ex husband kept telling me that i would end up on my own for the rest of my life and in a way i've maybe started to believe it. Part of me has many gone on with this stupid relationship because i felt it was better than nothing. He has gone away on holiday for a few days on his own, i have no doubt he will have had sex whilst away. I have had very little contact with him and as soon as he gets back i will tell him i want nothing more to do with him. Part of me has up to now believed that he does love me, hearing other people view on it has confirmed that he is a liar and a cheat. That isn't the sort of man i want to spend the rest of my life with, i have to start believing i deserve better.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 ....In order to love others, sometimes you must love yourself first. If you can just be by yourself and build yourself up and stand on your own two. maybe you wouldnt be so co-dependant on this jackass. get your self esteem right. Put your big girl panties on and do what's right.
bentnotbroken Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I am scared that he will do something stupid but i have to tell myself he is not my problem. Part of me is scared of being lonely too, my ex husband kept telling me that i would end up on my own for the rest of my life and in a way i've maybe started to believe it. Part of me has many gone on with this stupid relationship because i felt it was better than nothing. He has gone away on holiday for a few days on his own, i have no doubt he will have had sex whilst away. I have had very little contact with him and as soon as he gets back i will tell him i want nothing more to do with him. Part of me has up to now believed that he does love me, hearing other people view on it has confirmed that he is a liar and a cheat. That isn't the sort of man i want to spend the rest of my life with, i have to start believing i deserve better. I was told the same thing for more than 20 years. It takes a toll on you and your esteem. The decision to work on myself and how I viewed myself are tools that I used to decide for myself what I was worth. If no man can pay that price, then shove the hell off. It is more than okay to be alone. You learn few things. You learn to love yourself first. You learn to respect yourself. You learn to set goals and standards that can only edify and lift you up. You learn that self worth is priceless and no one will ever take it away again. You can give it away, but you will learn not to. When he returns, their should be no contact. You need to block him from email, change your phone number and refuse to smell the BS he is going to throw at you. Just like a steaming pile of *****, you go around it. You wrinkly you nose and avoid it. You don't want to gt any of it on you, same thing.
sugarmomma Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I have had very little contact with him and as soon as he gets back i will tell him i want nothing more to do with him. Part of me has up to now believed that he does love me, hearing other people view on it has confirmed that he is a liar and a cheat. That isn't the sort of man i want to spend the rest of my life with, i have to start believing i deserve better. Atta Girl!! Tina, You CAN take control of your life and do this. Eff what your xh says. Never let anyone else determine your destiny. Cut contact with him immediately. You don't have to tell him anything. What will happen if you do is that he will just start saying everything he knows you want to hear. You owe him nothing but you owe yourself everything! He is a total loser and he knew you were vulnerable so like the slimeball he is, he took advantage. That's okay. You have us now and we will be here to support you through this. But remember...NO Contact will be the ONLY way. Stay Strong and Stay True to YOURSELF.
sugarmomma Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 When he returns, their should be no contact. You need to block him from email, change your phone number and refuse to smell the BS he is going to throw at you. Just like a steaming pile of *****, you go around it. You wrinkly you nose and avoid it. You don't want to gt any of it on you, same thing. Now THAT is the Gospel Truth...and too funny!!:):)
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