Author trippi1432 Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 we believe God wants you to know ... that to find out who you are becoming find stories that move your heart. Just like a seed has an image of the tree in it, so does your heart have an image of who you are becoming. Look for stories in movies and books that resonate in your heart, and you will find glimpses of your possible futures. What is your favorite story?
Author trippi1432 Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 I thought we got closure last night...understood that we couldn't be happy with each other, we've moved on and let go....so now I'm going through the "leaver" games.... H calls this morning, I just listened, didn't bother talking....telling me that he is truly sorry for hurting me....ya-da, ya-da....I really can't remember half of what he said, my mind is on burying my Grandmother right now. He said something about that Lady Antebellum song and that it was right, it's what we both should have been doing. Well, we weren't and we probably never will. Now I am getting these text messages from him saying that he is was a fool and seeing me last night reminded him of that happy girl 15 years ago. I've not answered them.....just have too much going on, I'm mourning the loss of my grandmother....I've already mourned the loss of my marriage...can't do both at the same time....just too much! Closure is letting go, not chasing after what you no longer have.
Author trippi1432 Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 God wants her to know... ... that God has an important purpose for you, and made everything possible for you to succeed. That's not to say it's an easy purpose, or a convenient one. It might very well seem hard or even impossible, but it only looks that way. The truth is that one day you will look back and see how all the pieces fit together. And how your life has been a complete and utter success.
dazedandconfused2008 Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Oh Trippi....im so sorry about your loss. I cant even imagine. As for the ex...it seems it always ends that way for them...wanting back. I think he realized that night that YOU really are done. I think he is starting to realize the consequences of what hes done...not all...but some. You are a strong woman...a good person. Its a shame that he is starting to see that only now. I think You are starting to see that within yourself and that you will live on...a better way....YOUR way. Your in my thoughts tonight and in my prayers. Keep that chin up no matter what.
Author trippi1432 Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 Oh Trippi....im so sorry about your loss. I cant even imagine. As for the ex...it seems it always ends that way for them...wanting back. I think he realized that night that YOU really are done. I think he is starting to realize the consequences of what hes done...not all...but some. You are a strong woman...a good person. Its a shame that he is starting to see that only now. I think You are starting to see that within yourself and that you will live on...a better way....YOUR way. Your in my thoughts tonight and in my prayers. Keep that chin up no matter what. Thank you Dazed....she looked very pretty tonight considering how she looked last Sunday. I have to sing Amazing Grace at the graveside service tomorrow and hoping that I can hold up. As long as I don't look at my mother, I think I can pull it off. It's sad, but she's at peace now and I celebrate it that for. As for the ex.....games, games, games....I've told him again to just move on, it appears he was doing a good job of it before.
Author trippi1432 Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 crying...hate life...hate myself.
JaneDoe35 Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Hello from Australia Trippi....what is happening there? I know how you feel - just want to curl up & die....
Gunny376 Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 I'm not trying to be insensitive, politically incorrect. whatever? But sometimes in Life? You've just got to say "WTF?
Author trippi1432 Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 I've decided that I am going to have to get a restraining order against the ex. He came busting into the house last night, after midnight I might add, with the excuse that he wanted to be there to support me because of my grandmother. He hasn't supported me in anything for 15 years or been compassionate ever. In the meantime, his gf doesn't know he is at my house, I tell him to call her....tell her where he is, she would be pissed. He has her and I don't want him, his window closed over a week ago. I thought we had closure, evidently, my getting closure screwed him up in the head and he doesn't know what he wants anymore. He kept trying to kiss me, I pushed him away and told him I'm not backburner material, he is still with this woman and I want nothing to do with his little love triangle. I had to make him leave and then the texts start up again. I told him to just please let me go, he made his choice and she loves him (he tells me this repeatedly). Respect my privacy. This was his decision to leave, quit being immature about it. He texts back that it is done and he has to stop feeling sorry for me, that is his weakness. Cat is out of the bag that I am a little caught up in an EA which basically started after I gave him the ultimatum to end his relationship with her and work on ours (which he couldn't do to her), so he gets ugly about that as well. I told him to have fun with his love triangle since her husband is now trying to get her back and that he needs to stop feeling sorry for me, don't need his pity, it's his guilty conscience, has never had anything to do with me. He said that I hit it on the nose and that she is his soul mate which is why he can be in love with her now after 2 weeks versus 15 years. I was never his soul mate and yes, I was right, it was his guilty conscience that is keeping him from moving on. I told him he was right and that I married beneath me, thought he had potential but now I see that he would rather live off ppl. First me, then the drinking buddy, next will be her. He tells me that she isn't about money, she just wants compassion which he can give her, on the hand, he could not give that to me. Love this lie, he has always been about money, I wanted the compassion but at least he was honest in the fact that he could never give that to me. Now here is the hilarious part: he tells me that I lost my window, I made it clear tonight why he left. there is my closure and he loves his gf now. I'm thinking what window...to get him back? Why would I want him back now? I told him that he had his window over a week ago and he can love whoever the f he wants. Don't ever come to the house again. Drama - I don't need this, I just want him to leave me alone......maybe this was his way to get his closure...hatefulness and spitefulness. I think that he keeps forgetting that HE LEFT ME, not the other way around. I have my grandmohter's funeral to go to today and I just want to beat my head against a wall. I don't feel anything for him anymore and now I see that he wants to keep me on the fence while he explores this relationship with the OW and I get **** because I moved on.....WTF????? Am I not allowed to have a life?
PWSX3 Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 So today you are off to the store to by new locks correct?????? PLEASE don't respond to his emails, text messages, letters, phone calls, etc. unless it has something to do with kids..... He has or will not have anything good to say except to hurt you. Why keep fueling his fire? He is seeing he is losing either his cake or frosting or even both & when he hears this he gets mad & takes it out on you. The restraining order might also be a very good thing, lets him know you are serious & keeps him away as well. Sorry to hear you are being dealt some more bad in your life, stay strong.
Author trippi1432 Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 So today you are off to the store to by new locks correct?????? Locks won't make a difference, son let him in. Found out that he and son arranged his coming over. Basically, he used our son, said he wanted to "cheer" me up and that he and his mom were "friends" now. Somehow I have to get it thru to our son that his dad's intentions are not always good. PLEASE don't respond to his emails, text messages, letters, phone calls, etc. unless it has something to do with kids..... You are absolutely right in this. He was sending these strange texts yesterday after the closure, regrets....etc and I told him that I didn't understand why he was sending these to me now. Last text I got from him before the drama was "Love you, nite".....WTF? I deleted it. He has or will not have anything good to say except to hurt you. Why keep fueling his fire? He is seeing he is losing either his cake or frosting or even both & when he hears this he gets mad & takes it out on you. The restraining order might also be a very good thing, lets him know you are serious & keeps him away as well. Sorry to hear you are being dealt some more bad in your life, stay strong. If I add one more thing to my plate on this drama rollercoaster, I think that will be the end of it. I know I can be strong enough to get through this, but why can't things just happen one at a time instead of all at once?
tojaz Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 crying...hate life...hate myself. Unacceptable!!! I reject your post and substitute my own! crying...hate dumbass...hate divorce. Thats better. TOJAZ
Author trippi1432 Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 Unacceptable!!! I reject your post and substitute my own! Thats better. TOJAZ No, crying, hate dumbass, hate drama.....want divorce.
tojaz Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 If I add one more thing to my plate on this drama rollercoaster, I think that will be the end of it. I know I can be strong enough to get through this, but why can't things just happen one at a time instead of all at once? PW gives great advice there. You must have been terrified last night! That has to be grounds for a restraining order if I ever heard it. Conspiring with your son is just beyond low as well, especially knowing your situation with your grandmothers passing. Disgusting! I remember feeling that hings are happening all at once, that Gunnys "Storms of life" just seemed to run one right after the other. It's a trying time, and sounds silly, but at least your getting it over with. I went through a lot at the same time, with family issues, the BIG D, Allys death, and now my health. Yet I'm glad it all happened that way looking back in a strange way. TOJAZ
Author trippi1432 Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 PW gives great advice there. You must have been terrified last night! That has to be grounds for a restraining order if I ever heard it. Conspiring with your son is just beyond low as well, especially knowing your situation with your grandmothers passing. Disgusting! I remember feeling that hings are happening all at once, that Gunnys "Storms of life" just seemed to run one right after the other. It's a trying time, and sounds silly, but at least your getting it over with. I went through a lot at the same time, with family issues, the BIG D, Allys death, and now my health. Yet I'm glad it all happened that way looking back in a strange way. TOJAZ Well, talk with son has been benificial....he's old enough to understand and he likes ex's gf and doens't understand why he would disrespect her to be here last night....I think ex proved his stuidity over that. He promised he would lock the doors next time ex shows up unannounced. Talked to sister in law today and she never indicated that ex should be doing anything with me to show his "compassion".....NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC...not sure how many times I can post that.
tojaz Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 No, crying, hate dumbass, hate drama.....want divorce. Even Better!
tojaz Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Well, talk with son has been benificial....he's old enough to understand and he likes ex's gf and doens't understand why he would disrespect her to be here last night....I think ex proved his stuidity over that. He promised he would lock the doors next time ex shows up unannounced. Talked to sister in law today and she never indicated that ex should be doing anything with me to show his "compassion".....NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC...not sure how many times I can post that. Glad DS sees the big picture and understands. I don't think NC is going to be a problem for you, it's getting STBX to stick to it. TOJAZ
Author trippi1432 Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 Who knows what STBEXH sees, dont' really care, I didn't need him, what once out of 15 years??? Who cares....sorry, but compassion only runs as deep as it is given..... I wish I could feel alive, but I feel so dead inside....maybe that's the point.
Author trippi1432 Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 Glad DS sees the big picture and understands. I don't think NC is going to be a problem for you, it's getting STBX to stick to it. TOJAZ Well, you definitely have a point to the STBX sticking to it. Right after the funeral yesterday, he resends one of his ugly posts from the previous night and then sends another apologizing, didn't mean to send that...wanted to know where his son was. Ok, son has a cell phone, why he has to text me asking where he is.....just BS. I didn't respond, called my son at home and asked if his dad had texted or called him...No. I just told our son to call him and see what he wanted. I'm taking myself out of the middle of that.
Aksion Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 You are stuck in a difficult position trippi. In my case, no children, but my STBXW still takes shots at me through e-mail that I don't respond to. Hurts deeply, but I know I have nothing other than the love I once shared with her. Your son is what is keeping you closer to your STBX and I can't imagine how much that must hurt. You HAVE to see/speak with him, so he will be able to take this little jabs at you for a long time. I'm not sure what to tell you as I don't have any experience of this behind me, but since your son has a cell -- maybe you could get a # change for yourself so he can't reach you anymore? That way when he has to contact you to speak about your son, it will be through your home phone where he can't leave you messages/texts?
Author trippi1432 Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 You are stuck in a difficult position trippi. In my case, no children, but my STBXW still takes shots at me through e-mail that I don't respond to. Hurts deeply, but I know I have nothing other than the love I once shared with her. Your son is what is keeping you closer to your STBX and I can't imagine how much that must hurt. You HAVE to see/speak with him, so he will be able to take this little jabs at you for a long time. I'm not sure what to tell you as I don't have any experience of this behind me, but since your son has a cell -- maybe you could get a # change for yourself so he can't reach you anymore? That way when he has to contact you to speak about your son, it will be through your home phone where he can't leave you messages/texts? Yeah, I thought about trying to block his number or something, but if something were to happen with son, I have no choice to keep the line open. I think I just need to reset the boundaries and make him stick to them. It is harder when you have kids. I've just learned to turn off the feelings when it comes to him, especially after the other night....It still just disgusts me that he could come over to the house unannounced and throw all these feelings that he still loves me and his girlfriend is oblivious to what he is up to. Just shows me the man he is becoming now and when I have to see him or talk to him, I just feel nothing....dead inside.
Author trippi1432 Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 God wants her to know... ... that every relationship rests on three legs: accepting, supporting and challenging. That's really it, isn't it? You want your relationships to be grounded on accepting each other as you are. On supporting each other through the inevitable ups and downs. On challenging each other to become more, to grow, to flourish. Which one of these is the more difficult one for you, and how are you going to practice it in the next 24 hours? Sorry God.......LMAO, I think that question needed to be directed to the STBX. I've been practicing for 15 years.....seems he is the one that needs practice.
tojaz Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 God wants her to know... ... that every relationship rests on three legs: accepting, supporting and challenging. That's really it, isn't it? You want your relationships to be grounded on accepting each other as you are. On supporting each other through the inevitable ups and downs. On challenging each other to become more, to grow, to flourish. Which one of these is the more difficult one for you, and how are you going to practice it in the next 24 hours? Sorry God.......LMAO, I think that question needed to be directed to the STBX. I've been practicing for 15 years.....seems he is the one that needs practice. Mission acomplished Trippi Accepting... Sounds to me you accepted many of his faults and even for a time accepted him back after he left. Supporting... Reading your thread I think anyone would agree you supported him in every sense of the word. Challenging... You challenged him to be a better man, ....he failed. In the end He let you down. TOJAZ
Author trippi1432 Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 Mission acomplished Trippi Accepting... Sounds to me you accepted many of his faults and even for a time accepted him back after he left. Supporting... Reading your thread I think anyone would agree you supported him in every sense of the word. Challenging... You challenged him to be a better man, ....he failed. In the end He let you down. TOJAZ True, considering that he has not told his GF that he came over to the house the other night yet...I'm sure he will let her down too. He came out to the car when I went to pick up son today to discuss switching weekends. He wants to even up the weekends that GF has her son so the two can hang out. The good thing....no hatefulness, no texts....nothing....all in all, that has been nice today.
Author trippi1432 Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 Interesting, for the first time since STBX left, I had a dream about him last night, or I should say this morning because it actually woke me up a few minutes before the alarm would go off. I dreamt that my car needed an inspection and oil change, but I didn't have time to get it by the shop to have this done. In my stupidity, I asked my (then husband) if he would take it down to the shop and get it for me. That was met with yelling and screaming at me for even asking as he already had plans and his day mapped out. I recall waking up as he yelled his favorite word, "Je-sums!!!". Now that we had this talk the other night, I know why he was like this with me. It could have been something that I did, or didn't do, said or didn't say that day, the day before, the previous week or even the previous month that he would harbor. Once that black cloud was there, it would grow and grow until he went off. He admitted it to me, said that he didn't know why he was like that. He brought up the coffee incident. One day, he started making my coffee for me so it would be ready in the morning. I remember thinking how sweet that was and loved that my husband thought enough of me to do that. This went on for months. One morning, whether it was not enough sleep or stress, I came out and the coffee wasn't made and I was like "What, no coffee!". He took that as being a b*** and never made it for me again, even though I apologized for it. He told me the other night that he realized that this was a stupid incident, that he shouldn't have harbored that. I stopped drinking coffee shortly after that, don't even bother with the stuff anymore.
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