Husband Home - working on relationship

[trippi1432]

True, but now that you know you can shut that door, you have nothing to fear, but your right, he isn't worth it and won't get it anyways.

 

Yep, as you recall, I sent him a sincere note before that was similar and he went ballistic....sent it to someone else to give their "feedback" and then sent me the feedback. Ugly scene. Just would rather put him out of my mind altogether.

 

I know that there will always be memories....unfortunately for my case, more bad than good, but I'm enjoying my life now, getting out with friends and making new special ones too.

 

Ah, and I found out today that there are songwriting groups that get together in my city, so I'm going to check those out. If H and I were still together, I wouldn't be able to do any of these things. He could always come and go as he pleased, but I was criticized for any of my interests...at least it felt that way.

[trippi1432]

God wants her to know...

... that every little part of you is magical.

 

Yes, even the parts that hurt, even the ones that are feeling disease right now. It's alright to love what is in pain. More than alright, that's exactly where your love is needed the most. So why not touch that part that hurts and smile at it, at yourself through it, and whisper: ''I love you.''

[tojaz]

Yeah, I remember the letter and his "feedback" what a joke.

 

Enjoy your freedom and your new friends, you deserve it, I'm still waiting for my autographed album!

[Gunny376]

Yeah, usually when he finds the rum! LOL (Just playing Gunny!)

 

How are you today Trippi

 

"Where's the rum! Why is there never any rum?

 

Vodka Martinis ~ shaken not stirred, and Canadian Whiskey are the 'poison' of my choice. Thank you very much!!

 

I've been crazy for years! But, its help keep me from going insane.

[trippi1432]

Yeah, I remember the letter and his "feedback" what a joke.

 

Enjoy your freedom and your new friends, you deserve it, I'm still waiting for my autographed album!

 

 

Of course, you will get the first copy.

[trippi1432]

"Where's the rum! Why is there never any rum?

 

Vodka Martinis ~ shaken not stirred, and Canadian Whiskey are the 'poison' of my choice. Thank you very much!!

 

I've been crazy for years! But, its help keep me from going insane.

 

The last time I saw the rum, some cooky pirate with dreads was running down the beach with it. Jack Sparrow or some crazy name like that.

[tojaz]

"Where's the rum! Why is there never any rum?

I knew he was gonna say that!

 

I've been crazy for years! But, its help keep me from going insane.

Just playing with ya Gunny, months ago, you being crazy kept ME from going insane! Thanks a ton!

 

Of course, you will get the first copy.

 

I better!!

[trippi1432]

"Where's the rum! Why is there never any rum?

 

Vodka Martinis ~ shaken not stirred, and Canadian Whiskey are the 'poison' of my choice. Thank you very much!!

 

I've been crazy for years! But, its help keep me from going insane.

 

 

See, the party is over here on Trippi's thread!

[trippi1432]

Ok, I know that my H has a hidden agenda and I have already been warned about this, but the point of LC is to not discuss the relationship. I get an email from him this morning wanting to discuss the arrangements for the son for Thanksgiving. I was going to let him take him for this holiday since I will have him for Xmas and New Year's. I had planned on not even celebrating Thanksgiving this year since son would be with him and my grandmother is dying from Alzhiemers and we don't know from day to day when this will happen. She has gotten much worse and we doubt that she will make it another week....and the hard part, if she dies on Nov. 8th, that is my mother's b-day....that will just kill my mother.

 

In the meantime, my daughter and her finance' have finally decided to move back home so they can save up for their wedding and future. So now, they will be here for the holiday. The primary reason my son wanted to go to his dad's was to see his other grandmother (mother-in-law), but I find out today that H is not celebrating the holiday with his family, he is celebrating it with his drinking buddy, DB's son and girlfriend and H's new lady friend. So, we are trying to work this out and compromise since I will most likley cook for the holiday since daughter will be here and my mom needs some down time and cheering up.

 

But at the end of his email, he writes this:

(Me) I am sincerely sorry it had to be this way but deep down, we both know where it wrong. If there was a way to fix it I would have tried I believe it was too far removed fro fixing it.

Sincerely Dumbass

 

Ok, so I inserted some stuff on the to and from....)

 

I don't understand why he has to keep going back to this....the relationship is over, he ended it, so why does he keep having to tell me that he did. Two weeks ago, I gave him an ultimatum and he chose his path, so I don't care to discuss with him what was what and who blames who....and I told him that today. I told him that yesterday, I told him that the day before....and the day before that, anytime he brings it up. What is the deal with leavers? Why can't they just stop when you finally let go and put them behind you? I don't feel anything for him anymore....basically just wish that I didn't have to deal with him at all. The thing is, what he said in that email had absolutely no affect on me, I didn't feel sad, I didn't feel upset....truth is, if he feels guilty, it's his problem, not mine anymore.

 

Oh, and I forgot to add that I had to pick son up Sunday because he didn't want to drive since he had a few beers, he also wants me to pick him up on Thanksgiving, most likely due to the beer again. He also decided that he's not going to keep picking son up from school 2 days a week because it's not quality time with him.

 

Like he said yesterday, it's all about me....ummmm, well, the day he left...no, the day he decided to bring his EA out in the open and make her his girlfriend, it became all about me.

Edited November 5, 2009 by trippi1432

[trippi1432]

[COLOR=#0066cc]God wants you to know...[/COLOR]

... that there is a miracle waiting for you this minute, - please make room for it in your thinking. God has no need to prove anything to you, so if you don't believe in miracles, you are not likely to receive one. How do you believe in miracles? You believe by keeping your eyes open, - miracles often come in ways unexpected, and might leave unrecognized unless you pay attention.

 

Hmm, interesting....

[tojaz]

But at the end of his email, he writes this:

(Me) I am sincerely sorry it had to be this way but deep down, we both know where it wrong. If there was a way to fix it I would have tried I believe it was too far removed fro fixing it.

Sincerely Dumbass

 

 

Dear Dumbass

.

Sincerely, New Trippi

[trippi1432]

Dear Dumbass

.

Sincerely, New Trippi

 

:bunny::bunny:

[tojaz]

Dear Dumbass

.

Sincerely, New Trippi

 

What happened there? I'll try again.

 

Dear Dumbass

Anything can be fixed with two willing people. you aren't and now neither am I. Thanks for reminding me why that is true.

Sincerely, New Trippi

[trippi1432]

What happened there? I'll try again.

 

Dear Dumbass

Anything can be fixed with two willing people. you aren't and now neither am I. Thanks for reminding me why that is true.

Sincerely, New Trippi

 

 

I think I liked the other post better....LOL!! I would email him that, but I am not allowed to email him at work....makes him really hateful. Oh well.....

[FeelingLonely98]

He also decided that he's not going to keep picking son up from school 2 days a week because it's not quality time with him.

 

Like he said yesterday, it's all about me....ummmm, well, the day he left...no, the day he decided to bring his EA out in the open and make her his girlfriend, it became all about me.

 

Damn trip - this all sucks - sorry you're going thru this. What a pr*ck he is. It really is all about him. I would never neglect my son if I were him.

My 47 yr old STBXW left about 50 days ago (see I no longer count the exact days! ) - and when she left it was so she could start seeing and scr*wing the 18 yr old BF!!!! Though her son is older she did leave him behind - to live with me. Left her pets behind with ME as well. She lives with her Mom but can sh*g the little boy all she wants now. It is always about them - right? Selfish bast*rds!!!

 

I have not read one thread whereby a spouse left a good M to go off and live alone and there was no other M or W. Even if I did I probably wouldn't believe it.

 

Hey - next time the rum party starts please pour me a double!!!:p:lmao:

[FeelingLonely98]

I think I liked the other post better....LOL!! I would email him that, but I am not allowed to email him at work....makes him really hateful. Oh well.....

 

me too! hehehe

[tojaz]

I think I liked the other post better....LOL!! I would email him that, but I am not allowed to email him at work....makes him really hateful. Oh well.....

 

What dosen't?

[trippi1432]

What dosen't?

 

Doesn't take much to make him hateful these days....didn't take much to make him hateful for the past several years really.

[trippi1432]

Damn trip - this all sucks - sorry you're going thru this. What a pr*ck he is. It really is all about him. I would never neglect my son if I were him.

 

Oh, he is trying to find a way to entice him to come live with him now, guess he didn't have time during those 14 years living in the same house to realize he was here.

 

I have not read one thread whereby a spouse left a good M to go off and live alone and there was no other M or W. Even if I did I probably wouldn't believe it.

 

I know what you mean, the more I look at the events that took place, the more I believe he was having an EA with this woman for a few months before he decided to leave. He won't admit it because it's the same thing his father did to his family.

 

Hey - next time the rum party starts please pour me a double!!!:p:lmao:

 

Open Bar?

[Gunny376]

Damn Trip! You've officially got yourself a full plate. Your a strong woman to have all of that to deal with.

 

If he pulls this crap over Bird Day, I'd keep my eyes peeled for when it comes XMAS and New Years.

 

Were it me? I'd have to put my foot down when it comes to what he's planning. All those adults, drinking, you know they're going to break out the hard stuff. Will there be any children your sons age there?

 

Most adult "Thanksgivings" are nothing more than parties

 

WTF? What's this business about your having to go pick DS up, because STBXH has had one two many to drive. What if DS got sick, or hurt and had to go to the ER? Who's going to drive him? His drunk @zz or his roommate's drunk @zz.

 

Were it me? My DS wouldn't be going over there period unless I could be assured there's at least one responsible and sober adult around the entire time he was the STBXH.

 

The sooner you set the 'ground rules" and 'rules of engagement" with this guy the better ~ because if you don't its only going to go downhill from there. And you know this to be true from experience.

 

The true story about Captain Jack Sparrow is that he didn't loose it because he was stranded on a deserted island, but because his wife left him for a much younger man.

 

She was out catting around almost every night with the other wenches, something she called "girls night out"

 

Of course she re-wrote the martial history, 'gas lighted' him, and had him believing it was all his fault. The old 'if a man cheats on his wife ~ its his fault, but if a woman cheat on a man? Its still his fault.

 

O'Captain Jack? He got to drinking hard. He got to hitting the rum almost every night as soon as he got home. The wife threatened to tell everyone about his drinking problem!

 

But true to his nature? The Captain told her: "Go ahead! Your the cause of it."

 

"What do you mean by that? she asked?

 

To which he replied, "Your acting single and I'm drinking doubles!"

[trippi1432]

Damn Trip! You've officially got yourself a full plate. Your a strong woman to have all of that to deal with.

 

Thanks Gunny, I'm hoping that having daughter and future son-in-law here will make the house seem a little less depressing for the son. I have to admit, I am going to miss the peace and quiet a little. LOL! And to note, we will officially have four cats (she's bringing 3), 2 dogs and a poor hamster that is going to think it just became cat food in the house.

 

If he pulls this crap over Bird Day, I'd keep my eyes peeled for when it comes XMAS and New Years.

 

No dice there for him, son and I are heading to Florida to stay with my father and step-mother, all the way through New Year's.

 

Were it me? I'd have to put my foot down when it comes to what he's planning. All those adults, drinking, you know they're going to break out the hard stuff. Will there be any children your sons age there?

 

I doubt that there will be any kids there except for the immature adults. My son wanted to spend Thanksgiving with H because he wanted to see his other grandmother (mother-in-law), but I let him know last night that she would not be spending it with his dad, his dad was spending it with (drinking buddy). If he wanted to see his grandma, he would have to go to his Aunt's house. He just shook his head. I told him to let me know what he wanted to do by the weekend.

 

Most adult "Thanksgivings" are nothing more than parties

 

WTF? What's this business about your having to go pick DS up, because STBXH has had one two many to drive. What if DS got sick, or hurt and had to go to the ER? Who's going to drive him? His drunk @zz or his roommate's drunk @zz.

 

Were it me? My DS wouldn't be going over there period unless I could be assured there's at least one responsible and sober adult around the entire time he was the STBXH.

 

I know, and that makes me turn out to be the jerk and then son gets mad at me. I let him finally have an overnight with his dad last weekend and the son that came home was like a devil child, hell-bent on hating me and wanting to go live with his dad. I think that the girlfriend is putting ideas in H's head around the fact that if DS came to live with him, he would be getting the CS. Fact is, he hasn't paid anything since late August. I'm doing fine on that, but it's funny that H is always broke and he isn't even paying CS yet. Yeah, I could see me paying CS to him, it would be going right over to the casino and beer, wouldn't be used on son at all. Did I mention that DS is usually the "beer runner"? Hey son, go get daddy another beer out of the fridge. I always hated that!!

 

The sooner you set the 'ground rules" and 'rules of engagement" with this guy the better ~ because if you don't its only going to go downhill from there. And you know this to be true from experience.

 

Working on it, but the lawyer is getting slow with the paperwork, sent the CS and CO back last week to be revised but haven't gotten the revised papers back yet or a first copy of the SA. You would think after paying the retainer I paid ($XXXX), they would be a little faster.

 

The true story about Captain Jack Sparrow is that he didn't loose it because he was stranded on a deserted island, but because his wife left him for a much younger man.

 

She was out catting around almost every night with the other wenches, something she called "girls night out"

 

Of course she re-wrote the martial history, 'gas lighted' him, and had him believing it was all his fault. The old 'if a man cheats on his wife ~ its his fault, but if a woman cheat on a man? Its still his fault.

 

O'Captain Jack? He got to drinking hard. He got to hitting the rum almost every night as soon as he got home. The wife threatened to tell everyone about his drinking problem!

 

But true to his nature? The Captain told her: "Go ahead! Your the cause of it."

 

"What do you mean by that? she asked?

 

To which he replied, "Your acting single and I'm drinking doubles!"

 

Poor Captain Jack, so is this why there is never any rum?

[tojaz]

Wow Trippi STBXH sure isn't making it easy. I agree with Gunny, if H cant be sober enough to drive DS home or anwhere else then he loses the privelege of seeing him. He wouldn't be enjoying his company anyways if hes plastered. I would leave the decision up to DS whether he wants to see his Grandmother or have a drunken Turkey Day, including why you have to play driver. Hes old enough to understand that. If H wants to fill his head with hate when they are together, you can at least share the truth with him.

TOJAZ

[tojaz]

The true story about Captain Jack Sparrow is that he didn't loose it because he was stranded on a deserted island, but because his wife left him for a much younger man.

 

She was out catting around almost every night with the other wenches, something she called "girls night out"

 

Of course she re-wrote the martial history, 'gas lighted' him, and had him believing it was all his fault. The old 'if a man cheats on his wife ~ its his fault, but if a woman cheat on a man? Its still his fault.

 

O'Captain Jack? He got to drinking hard. He got to hitting the rum almost every night as soon as he got home. The wife threatened to tell everyone about his drinking problem!

 

But true to his nature? The Captain told her: "Go ahead! Your the cause of it."

 

"What do you mean by that? she asked?

 

To which he replied, "Your acting single and I'm drinking doubles!"

 

:laugh: Outstanding!! Gunny:laugh:

Funny, theres never any rum at Capt. Tojaz's house for the same reason!

[trippi1432]

Wow Trippi STBXH sure isn't making it easy. I agree with Gunny, if H cant be sober enough to drive DS home or anwhere else then he loses the privelege of seeing him. He wouldn't be enjoying his company anyways if hes plastered. I would leave the decision up to DS whether he wants to see his Grandmother or have a drunken Turkey Day, including why you have to play driver. Hes old enough to understand that. If H wants to fill his head with hate when they are together, you can at least share the truth with him.

TOJAZ

 

 

Thanks, hopefully DS will make the right decision...not sure tho. H called just now wanting to pick him up from school today and bring him home because he isn't going to get to see him this weekend. Son has a friend staying over all weekend, they've gone to school together since Elementary School, and I think that would be better for him since he can't go out and play due to litigation issues with the family down the street.

 

I'm going to let him pick him up and bring him home, I don't want to be the "mean mom" by keeping them apart and that is just what light my H will shine on me if I do.

 

This evening will be interesting to see what mood son is in after seeing dad. If it's bad, I'm going to have a talk with lawyer about sole custody instead or perhaps supervised visitations.

[trippi1432]

It's ironic how bad things in life can bring out the side in people to bring closure to a part of their lives that was bad. My grandmother, who had Altzheimer's passed away last night and I just found out this morning. It's even sadder because you know that they are in a better place after seeing them wilt away for so long. My grandmother found closure and peace last night, and my STBXH and I also found some closure tonight as well.

 

He brought our son home tonight and actually hung around to talk to me about where we went wrong. The conversation was up and down, but not too hateful. There was a little blaming, but something he said that made me proud of him was that he knew if he had quit drinking, we might have saved our marriage. He knows what he did wrong, I know what I did wrong....the drinking was our biggest problem, for both of us, my hating it and his doing it.

 

We know that this part of our lives is over, had their not been another woman, maybe, but I think he is right....I wouldn't be able to let that go. I can be strong, but not that strong. He also would have guilt problems about it too. Now he is in the middle of a triangle because her husband wants her back now that he knows she is seeing someone else. Well, lessons learned. He told me that he had scoped her out a few times, but that he probably would not have pursued her had he not thought that I was dating....which I wasn't at the time, but misunderstandings were plenty in our relationship. The problem is, we never really communicated very well in or out of the relationship.

 

He had written a paper on what marriage should mean...I thought the part he wrote about love being unconditional was very nice....just never could understand why his love for me was so conditional. The fact is, he knows what he should have done right, but he can't undo what he has done wrong now. We both agree to that, neither of us can.

 

We are decent terms and have accepted the fact that this is now my life and that is now his life....we can't change that and go back to a marriage, amicable friendship maybe, but there is no love....guilt, remorse maybe, but no love there anymore. There were many things that we both did wrong in our relationship, and we hate it....but things are the way they need to be now and we are fine with it. We wished each other the best and are moving on with our lives wherever they take us.

 

I truly hope that this is the end of it....I've been warned about agendas and all, the niceness....etc, etc....but I know where I stand now and I know where I don't want to be again. I know that I am getting better everyday becoming the person I want to be, and that is the direction I keep moving in. My grandmother would be proud of me, God rest her soul.