tojaz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I just hope he is honest with the counselor tomorrow, but I also hope that I don't lose my son. I don't feel that being with his father right now is the best thing for him....he told me how much fun it was over there but I asked him if he honestly thought that it would always be like that. He agreed it wouldn't be. On the getting out and doing things that make me feel better, you are absolutely right. I need to do that more. I'm sure he is being honest with the counsellor, thats why hes looking forward to it, it is an emotional release. Your son seems to have a pretty good handle on how H has been behaving up to this point, thats been proven by his attachments to other father figires you have referred to. Dad is putting on a good show but your son isn't buying. Anything that gets you out of the house and lets you release some of that stress is just going to make you stronger when you have to comeback and face it. Plus it's important to remind yourself of the good parts of your life.
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 I'm sure he is being honest with the counsellor, thats why hes looking forward to it, it is an emotional release. Your son seems to have a pretty good handle on how H has been behaving up to this point, thats been proven by his attachments to other father figires you have referred to. Dad is putting on a good show but your son isn't buying. Anything that gets you out of the house and lets you release some of that stress is just going to make you stronger when you have to comeback and face it. Plus it's important to remind yourself of the good parts of your life. I think that is what "floored" me on his behavior when he got home last night....one time he is telling me that dad never spent time with him when he was here and then all of a sudden he is thinking that he would be happier over there. OW spent the night as well, son informed me, so maybe that seemed like some kind or normalcy for him somehow. He was in a bad mood still this morning and not wanting to go to school so I had to call the principal to get him to go...he thinks he's failing. I'm worried that my son is buying into the "agenda", but the courts are not going to let a 14 year old boy go live in a 2 BR house with 2 grown men. I just can't see that. As for the good points in life, there are a few in the past, probably more of my kids than anything else, but I guess moving on and lettng go is making better memories going forward. It's sad to say, because I wish there had been more happy than sad. Guess I should have gone to that GB game....lol!!
tojaz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Amen!! That's why I am worried about my son getting caught in the middle of it all. If things don't work out between H and this OW, my son knows her and he likes her. I think that it will be disappointing for him. It probably will, but the responsibility for that has to lie with H hes the one that created it. All you can do is try to prepare him for what is probably to come and be supportive if it does.
tojaz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I think that is what "floored" me on his behavior when he got home last night....one time he is telling me that dad never spent time with him when he was here and then all of a sudden he is thinking that he would be happier over there. OW spent the night as well, son informed me, so maybe that seemed like some kind or normalcy for him somehow. He was in a bad mood still this morning and not wanting to go to school so I had to call the principal to get him to go...he thinks he's failing. I'm worried that my son is buying into the "agenda", but the courts are not going to let a 14 year old boy go live in a 2 BR house with 2 grown men. I just can't see that. As for the good points in life, there are a few in the past, probably more of my kids than anything else, but I guess moving on and lettng go is making better memories going forward. It's sad to say, because I wish there had been more happy than sad. Guess I should have gone to that GB game....lol!! LOL seasons only half over! I'm sure that the time DS spends with H is purely for your sons benefit and shown in the best light, while life at home is, well, life at home. In the long run H will fall right back to the old routine of breaking promises and being unavailable and then DS will see him in his true light. Who wouldn't want to move somewhere that seemed to cater to your every whim. I felt the same way briefly when my parents divorced but now am so glad the right decision was made.
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 LOL seasons only half over! I'm sure that the time DS spends with H is purely for your sons benefit and shown in the best light, while life at home is, well, life at home. In the long run H will fall right back to the old routine of breaking promises and being unavailable and then DS will see him in his true light. Who wouldn't want to move somewhere that seemed to cater to your every whim. I felt the same way briefly when my parents divorced but now am so glad the right decision was made. Well, he gets catered to here, but he gets the "fun" at his dad's for now. I recall how my H was with my daughter when we first got together and he shut her out at first because our relationship was new. If son were to live with him full time, I think that is what he would find happening. My dad did the same thing, I thought I would better off with him, but he was too unstable moving from relationship to relationship. I think too he's a little depressed that he can't play outside with the other kids until this other thing blows over and it's bad memories for him too. That will change in time for him, just so much to go through, it breaks my heart for him.
tojaz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 It will be a challenge, but he has a great mom looking out for him! Hes going to be fine in the long run. Just give him some time to work through his own stuff.
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 It will be a challenge, but he has a great mom looking out for him! Hes going to be fine in the long run. Just give him some time to work through his own stuff. Thanks, I hope he does work through it, I know he will eventually.
tojaz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 He is, you can see it in the back and forth he goes through. Just having you tell me his story, you can see he is learning and making decisions for himself as he goes along.The counsellor will help him sort these things out for himself with time.
Gunny376 Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 After the Corps and going to college to complete my degree in finance, I got a job as a production super. The company employed the bottom of society. School to work Welfare to work Work release inmate from prison. One night a work release inmate asked to use my calculator ~ a Texas Instrument TI-95 that can solve algebraic, calculus and physics equations. I mentioned to him that it wasn't an ordinary calculator and what it could do. He told me? "I'm an inmate ~ not stupid! The reason I'm in prison is because I screwed up running a multi-million dollar drug operation!" Nor is your fourteen year old son! He's not just your baby-boy anymore and is more aware than you know! Give him more credit!
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 After the Corps and going to college to complete my degree in finance, I got a job as a production super. The company employed the bottom of society. School to work Welfare to work Work release inmate from prison. One night a work release inmate asked to use my calculator ~ a Texas Instrument TI-95 that can solve algebraic, calculus and physics equations. I mentioned to him that it wasn't an ordinary calculator and what it could do. He told me? "I'm an inmate ~ not stupid! The reason I'm in prison is because I screwed up running a multi-million dollar drug operation!" Nor is your fourteen year old son! He's not just your baby-boy anymore and is more aware than you know! Give him more credit! I know....I'm overprotective of my kids, probably the only unconditional love I will have in my life besides the dog and cat...lol! As for that calculator, I still don't even understand them and I've taken 3 finance classes...hate them!! LOL!!
Gunny376 Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Oh they're simple! Especially the TI-95 F1 + F2 X F3 / F4 X .0097 + 1.09/45 X the circumfance of the Earth less the gravational pull of the moon less the total weight of the moon X the total perputational population of the entire U.S. Congress less their weight + the current Dow Jones Average DIVIDED by the average weight of the average dump truck driver in Bosie, Idaho = the average circumfance of the hips of your average housewife in Ann Arbor, Michigan. What's hard about that?
Gunny376 Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 She and I are having fun about the TI-85/95 folks.
Gunny376 Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 And about finance (my major in college) and which most MBA's absolutly hate, along with most bussiness majors!
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 And about finance (my major in college) and which most MBA's absolutly hate, along with most bussiness majors! Yeah, ya got that right....hence why I fell asleep! LMAO!!! (Just Joking) Hugs Gunny, you always make me laugh. BTW - Taking Economics right now and then my Capstone....MBA finished by end of February!! Yeah Me!!!
tojaz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Oh they're simple! Especially the TI-95 F1 + F2 X F3 / F4 X .0097 + 1.09/45 X the circumfance of the Earth less the gravational pull of the moon less the total weight of the moon X the total perputational population of the entire U.S. Congress less their weight + the current Dow Jones Average DIVIDED by the average weight of the average dump truck driver in Bosie, Idaho = the average circumfance of the hips of your average housewife in Ann Arbor, Michigan. What's hard about that? Thanks Gunny!! Just yesterday while hanging some shelves I needed to know the average circumfrance of the hips of your average housewife in Ann Arbor, Michigan. In order to get it level! Your a life saver!!! Tomorrow I'm doing drywall, do you know how to get the mean left shoe size of widowed men in Toledo OHIO? Thanks for the laugh Guns! :laugh:
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 Thanks Gunny!! Just yesterday while hanging some shelves I needed to know the average circumfrance of the hips of your average housewife in Ann Arbor, Michigan. In order to get it level! Your a life saver!!! Tomorrow I'm doing drywall, do you know how to get the mean left shoe size of widowed men in Toledo OHIO? Thanks for the laugh Guns! :laugh: LOL!! Too funny!!
tojaz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 LOL!! Too funny!! I slip a good one in when I can.
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 I slip a good one in when I can. LOL!! And I'm Trippi....gonna rename Gunny! He's a trip!
tojaz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Yeah, usually when he finds the rum! LOL (Just playing Gunny!) How are you today Trippi
Author trippi1432 Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 Yeah, usually when he finds the rum! LOL (Just playing Gunny!) How are you today Trippi Ewww...that was a poke! LOL! Doing much better today, thanks. Got a call from the H this morning over the son and issues, so I wrote in my personal journal. I actually give myself kudos because I didn't let him upset me this time. He tried to jab, but I cut it off. As a matter a fact, think I will post it here, but I'm not even going to bother sending it to him because it would be of no use. 11/3/09 I'm sorry, I had to almost smirk at your jabs this morning. It's always been about me for all these years? There goes your passive-aggressiveness showing again. Truth is, it is all about me now, that's what divorce is - it's finding you and who you want to be. I'm glad that you finally want to be the father to your son that you should have beeen for the past 14 years. He likes that you are not yelling and screaming at him anymore. Fact is, you did that, no one MADE you do that - you did that all by yourself. You control your actions - reactions, I've always told you and the kids that. Yes, I need to take my own advice at times and I know now why I didn't. I let anger and resentment of a disease you couldn't control get the best of me. I'm letting that go and I hope that you can be a better father to your son - he deserves that because he is more amazing than you'll ever know. But, even having said this, you are not in any shape, frame of mind or fit to handle him full-time. I have only a few short years to undo the damage our dysfunctional relationship put on him. It will be hard and he will need you to help with that as well, but you have to stop playing games with his mind. It only confuses him. Yes, you were here for my daughter as she was growing up. She has tried hard to get along with you, but, why did she not come to our wedding....why did she hate you when you yelled and screamed at her too. Why does she hate you now? It's never been about us, the kids or being a family. You're leaving, your selfishness, your inability to admit to yourself the infutable harm you caused this family is proof enough that it has ALWAYS been about you. Live well, and I hope you find what your are looking for. I'm living a new life now too, and I like the new me.
tojaz Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 :bunny: I Love It !!!!! :bunny: Honest, Strong and Passionate! Your capturing your new self and embracing it with both arms! I would ammost tell you to send it if i thought for a second he would understand what you are trying to say. And let me just say I LOVE! the new Trippi :love: TOJAZ
Author trippi1432 Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 :bunny: I Love It !!!!! :bunny: Honest, Strong and Passionate! Your capturing your new self and embracing it with both arms! I would ammost tell you to send it if i thought for a second he would understand what you are trying to say. And let me just say I LOVE! the new Trippi :love: TOJAZ Thank you! And you are right, if he were to read it, it would be over his emotional intelligence level anyway.
tojaz Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 If anything, I would just send him the last line. "Live well, and I hope you find what your are looking for. I'm living a new life now too, and I like the new me."
Author trippi1432 Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 If anything, I would just send him the last line. "Live well, and I hope you find what your are looking for. I'm living a new life now too, and I like the new me." To be honest, he's not even worth sending even that....would just give him the door to throw more jabs.
tojaz Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 True, but now that you know you can shut that door, you have nothing to fear, but your right, he isn't worth it and won't get it anyways.
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