Author trippi1432 Posted October 31, 2009 Author Posted October 31, 2009 oh they will do and say ANYTHING (nice or bad) to get us out of nc. They know what buttons to push. Their biggest fears is to see US MOVING ON because in reality they havent done it themselves. They are always going to be in the same situation just different people. Like my ex has cheated on this skank since day 1. He was with me AND with other people on top of that the whole time. He still hasnt changed and doesnt want to. yet. Hes gonna see down the road his blankie has gone bye bye. As for you being nice...nothing wrong with being too nice. But your husband doesnt deserve that from you anymore. Time to bring that warrior inside of you out. Im looking forward to the day when all i feel is indifference. Thats all i want. Your situation reminds me of my first ex so much, it will get better. On the second ex, he had it all...that was his problem.....he's never had so much in his life he didn't know what to do with it. What ticks me off is his BS when I pull that warrior out, he says that is why we can't ever be together anymore....I won't be his doormat. When I try to show vulnerability, strokes his ego and he feels like he is in control to hurt me more. Enough is enough. It's like he said the other day, we can never make this work, why bother?
Author trippi1432 Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 As for the OW....i wish i could put a huge red bow on my ex's head and take him to her and say....here....heres your "prize" you "won". As i walk away with a big smile on my face...or should i say evil grin. LOL!! Right there with ya! You know he'll do the same thing to her anyway.....she just dug her own hole.
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 God wants her to know... ... that it is time to finally forgive yourself. You've carried the guilt, the shame for long enough. You've kept your wounds open for long enough. The time has to come to let go, to heal. Keep the lessons and let the pain heal. Yes, you know what we are talking about it.
tojaz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Thats good advice Trippi!! You know who is to blame here, let him own that and make this about you! TOJAZ
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 Thats good advice Trippi!! You know who is to blame here, let him own that and make this about you! TOJAZ I know, funny, I'm talking to my girlfriend in Texas and she said the same thing when I showed it to her. LOL! Moving on....trying....but I'll get there soon, I hope.
tojaz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I know, funny, I'm talking to my girlfriend in Texas and she said the same thing when I showed it to her. LOL! Moving on....trying....but I'll get there soon, I hope. You'll get there, and it will be honest and healthy moving on opposed to what he is doing.Your learning and living while he just digs himself a deeper hole. TOJAZ
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 You'll get there, and it will be honest and healthy moving on opposed to what he is doing.Your learning and living while he just digs himself a deeper hole. TOJAZ Amazingly, he called me this morning and apologized about yelling at me last night and hanging up on me over our son's issues. He also apologized about telling me not to talk to his mother and sister....he said it wasn't his right to do that. Of course I recall that guy from KEEN saying watch out for that softer, gentler side....there is an agenda.
tojaz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Amazingly, he called me this morning and apologized about yelling at me last night and hanging up on me over our son's issues. He also apologized about telling me not to talk to his mother and sister....he said it wasn't his right to do that. Of course I recall that guy from KEEN saying watch out for that softer, gentler side....there is an agenda. Every time so far that he has shown you that softler gentler side, it has been to lure you closer for another blow. This will be no different, keep your guard up. TOJAZ
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 Every time so far that he has shown you that softler gentler side, it has been to lure you closer for another blow. This will be no different, keep your guard up. TOJAZ I know, my step-dad told me tonight that I needed to grow some "balls" and tell him to go to He**. But, when I do that, I'm the bi**** and that is how my son sees me too. I have to be the doormat to make them all happy I guess. Good news is that my daughter and her finance' are moving home in 3 weeks. Maybe that won't make it so depressing around here.
tojaz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Theres a big grey area between being a b***h and a doormat! I would say cordial but firm would send the message just fine. It's not your job to make them ALL happy, it's your job to make YOU happy. TOJAZ
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 Theres a big grey area between being a b***h and a doormat! I would say cordial but firm would send the message just fine. It's not your job to make them ALL happy, it's your job to make YOU happy. TOJAZ True, my son told me last night that this woman wanted to meet me and wanted to find out if I was alright with her dating my husband....I told my H that last night and he even mentioned again this morning that he doubted that she said that. Not something I'm up for.
tojaz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 this woman wanted to meet me and wanted to find out if I was alright with her dating my husband.... lets all ponder that statement for a moment!
tojaz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 lets all ponder that statement for a moment! Times up....WTF!!! what wife is going to be OK with ANYONE DATING THEIR HUSBAND!!!
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 Times up....WTF!!! what wife is going to be OK with ANYONE DATING THEIR HUSBAND!!! LMAO!! I know, WTF!!!??? I don't think she said it, I think my son just wants us all to quit the fighting and the depression. He says that he doesn't care one way or the other, we just need to get on with our lives.
tojaz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I'm sure everyone would like it to be that simple, unfortunately as we both know it isn't that simple. I'm sure the constant tension is really tearing at your son and he is just looking for anyway to make it stop.
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 I'm sure everyone would like it to be that simple, unfortunately as we both know it isn't that simple. I'm sure the constant tension is really tearing at your son and he is just looking for anyway to make it stop. I know, and he's gone through so much these past few weeks emotionally, just more to dump on him. He asked this morning when he could see the grief couselor again so I think he is ready to open up. I've just got to get myself back up to par after being thrown under the bus so I can be strong for him.
tojaz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Sounds to me like your being plenty strong for him. Especially with dealing with your own emotions. Hes being asked to do a lot of maturing in a very short time. All in all, it sounds like hes handling it pretty well, all things considered.
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 Sounds to me like your being plenty strong for him. Especially with dealing with your own emotions. Hes being asked to do a lot of maturing in a very short time. All in all, it sounds like hes handling it pretty well, all things considered. I hope he is and not just covering up his feelings. He's so young, he just doesn't really understand what a broken heart is yet. I wasn't dealing with them very well last week, but I'm trying. I think finally having some time out with friends and all over the weekend helped.
tojaz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Seems to me that if he was masking his feelings he would be more consistent. I think he just doesn't understand all the emotions that hes being asked to cope with all at once and is just trying to find his own way. Getting out and doing things that make you happy will do wonders for dealing with the things that don't. With all the bad feelings around you, you need to make it a point to make yourself feel good every once in awhile.
Gunny376 Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 When Marines go into harms way, they're issued these handy-dandy little wallet size cards, (OK some of the multiple cards long that fold up into wallet size cards) called "Rules of Engagement" Basically the outline when you get to shoot back and help them find their way to Heaven? Well there's rules of engagement when it comes to separation / divorce as well. 1. The spouse that cheated and walked out? Gave up their bitching and complaining the second they walked out. 2. The spouse that got let behind, regardless of the circumstances is now free to come and go, when and where they so desire and with whom they desire. (Other spouse should refer to #1) 3. If LBS (Left Behind Spouse) decides to do whatever to former residence, make any new purchases etc? WAWS (Walk-A-Spouse) should refer to # 1 (AGAIN! ) 4. Regardless of gender of WAWS, they are obligated, physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and financially support the LBS if they also left the children with the LB. Others fell free to add any, these are just off the top of my head. My last LTR GF was going through a separation when I meet. I was at her house when the STBXH called. I asked to speak with him. I didn't so much as his permission to date her, as I asked him if there was anyway they would reconcile, to which he said no. I told him that if at any point in the future should that become a reality and just say the word. And if she agreed. There wouldn't be a problem in my doing so. He's only setting himself BIG TIME with the divorce courts by his not paying you CS ~ at least something in good faith. Potentially he could find himself paying arrears and a much higher amount when the D papers are finalized. I agree with Tojaz, he's also setting himself up by not dealing with the issues and jumping into another relationship so quickly. This has "REBOUND RELATIONSHIP" stamped all over it. He's going to be sitting around with a 'tear in his beer" because he's going to come up empty handed on both sides of the fence. To late for him and her. And too late to reconcile with you!
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 Seems to me that if he was masking his feelings he would be more consistent. I think he just doesn't understand all the emotions that hes being asked to cope with all at once and is just trying to find his own way. Getting out and doing things that make you happy will do wonders for dealing with the things that don't. With all the bad feelings around you, you need to make it a point to make yourself feel good every once in awhile. I just hope he is honest with the counselor tomorrow, but I also hope that I don't lose my son. I don't feel that being with his father right now is the best thing for him....he told me how much fun it was over there but I asked him if he honestly thought that it would always be like that. He agreed it wouldn't be. On the getting out and doing things that make me feel better, you are absolutely right. I need to do that more.
Gunny376 Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Seems to me that if he was masking his feelings he would be more consistent. I think he just doesn't understand all the emotions that hes being asked to cope with all at once and is just trying to find his own way. Getting out and doing things that make you happy will do wonders for dealing with the things that don't. With all the bad feelings around you, you need to make it a point to make yourself feel good every once in awhile. And its going to come back to bite him in the @zz like a rattlesnake hidinig out in the bottom of an out house! Big Time! I can hear it now! "Did, .......did anyone get the number of that bus?"
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 I agree with Tojaz, he's also setting himself up by not dealing with the issues and jumping into another relationship so quickly. This has "REBOUND RELATIONSHIP" stamped all over it. He's going to be sitting around with a 'tear in his beer" because he's going to come up empty handed on both sides of the fence. To late for him and her. And too late to reconcile with you! Amen!! That's why I am worried about my son getting caught in the middle of it all. If things don't work out between H and this OW, my son knows her and he likes her. I think that it will be disappointing for him.
Gunny376 Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 All my post were in Ref to STBXH, not DS. This threads moving faster than a chat room tonight!
Author trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 All my post were in Ref to STBXH, not DS. This threads moving faster than a chat room tonight! LOL!!!
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