tojaz Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I agree, it is easier being single....but I'm not going to totally give up that there is someone out there that is "real". I may not ever marry again....just think it is bad luck for me...lol. But I do know that I want to share my life with someone who I have something in common with and enjoy being around. I think thats a pretty good way to think Trippi. Too many people shy away from LTR's after going through this. I don't buy into that. Would be like someone in a car accident vowing never to drive again. (although I'm sure that happens too) Don't let your heart be jaded in the long run, it's not fair to yourself. TOJAZ
Author trippi1432 Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 I think thats a pretty good way to think Trippi. Too many people shy away from LTR's after going through this. I don't buy into that. Would be like someone in a car accident vowing never to drive again. (although I'm sure that happens too) Don't let your heart be jaded in the long run, it's not fair to yourself. TOJAZ Thanks, and my heart's not that jaded...it's just jaded from him. This is my second "rodeo", and it took me a couple of years to heal from the first one, but I am older, wiser and better off now than I was then. Optimistically, I've got a lot to be thankful for. He had a lot to be thankful for as well, but he chose to let it make him miserable. I know that there are going to be days....moments....etc. that I will feel bad or let him get to me, but I know that mind is over matter and it can be where the heart is concerned as well. Not that I'm hiding it, but the anger was really turning me into something that I didn't want to become. I don't love him anymore, in reality, I know that I could ever love him again....he just hurt me too bad this time and no amount of apologizing would ever fix that. You just get to that point that the love just "dies" for that person....it just eats away at that piece of your heart you reserved for them.....doesn't mean that it is dead forever, it just means that it is for that person you thought you knew. Ironically, this probably explains a lot on his side as well and is most likely how he feels too. Wow, either the meds are really working or something is making sense?
tojaz Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 You just get to that point that the love just "dies" for that person....it just eats away at that piece of your heart you reserved for them.....doesn't mean that it is dead forever, it just means that it is for that person you thought you knew. I've heard those words before! Wow, either the meds are really working or something is making sense? I think it's making sense. You've got as good a handle on things as anyone here! Never meant to say that you were jaded, just an all too common side effect of divorce. Would hate to see that happen to you. TOJAZ
Author trippi1432 Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 I've heard those words before! I heard them too, from him...and I just see that he was right. It hurt, still does from time to time, but I know that I need to let go and so does he. It's just wasteful holding onto to pain and hurt....and I hate even feeling those moments of hope because I know it will never be the same, I will never feel the same with him or about him. I think it's making sense. You've got as good a handle on things as anyone here! Never meant to say that you were jaded, just an all too common side effect of divorce. Would hate to see that happen to you. TOJAZ It's ok, I'm just enjoying time with friends right now...something I haven't gotten to do in decades actually. I know that there are going to be good days and bad ones....but the less I have to deal with him, the better. Jaded....nah, not against being happy, just know that I am jaded against ever reconciling if he even wanted to.
tojaz Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Good for you trippi, break out that new guitar and break some strings.
Author trippi1432 Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 Good for you trippi, break out that new guitar and break some strings. My son was playing it earlier...don't want to break any strings yet...tuned perfect! New message from God today: God wants her to know... ... that it's time you stopped hiding from life, and said yes to the adventure of being alive. Enough of the routine already. Go on, have an adventure, - do what you always wanted deep within your heart. Do what brings you alive, and the universe will open doors where there were only walls. hmmm, sounds good doesn't it? I bet your message would be the same.
tojaz Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 My son was playing it earlier...don't want to break any strings yet...tuned perfect! New message from God today: God wants her to know... ... that it's time you stopped hiding from life, and said yes to the adventure of being alive. Enough of the routine already. Go on, have an adventure, - do what you always wanted deep within your heart. Do what brings you alive, and the universe will open doors where there were only walls. hmmm, sounds good doesn't it? I bet your message would be the same. Does sound good. Not sure what my message would be, but my horoscope says the exact opposite. Today is not a day for change, it's a day for doing what you know and getting the work done. You can get a whole lot done today if you concentrate on your top priorities and stay focused. You don't have to push it, all you have to do is work hard and you will make great strides.
Author trippi1432 Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 Does sound good. Not sure what my message would be, but my horoscope says the exact opposite. Today is not a day for change, it's a day for doing what you know and getting the work done. You can get a whole lot done today if you concentrate on your top priorities and stay focused. You don't have to push it, all you have to do is work hard and you will make great strides. What is that site again?
tojaz Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 http://my.horoscope.com/astrology/free-daily-horoscope-cancer.html
tojaz Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Strange thing is, heres the exes. Here's the hard part: you need to clear something from your conscience, and you know that whomever you need to talk with already knows what's coming. It's all right. Just say it. They'll respect you more once you say what's on your mind and in your heart, and you'll feel better about yourself, too.
Author trippi1432 Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 http://my.horoscope.com/astrology/free-daily-horoscope-cancer.html Leo: Be careful with investments today. If you have stocks keep a close eye on the market, because it will be erratic, but don't get too jumpy. An early downfall can turn into a steady climb by the end of the day. Today is a day to pay attention, be practical, and avoid any daring acts. Oh well, it was still worth getting the guitar, not going to feel guilty about it. I don't even bother reading my ex's horoscope.....not worth the time.
tojaz Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Leo: Be careful with investments today. If you have stocks keep a close eye on the market, because it will be erratic, but don't get too jumpy. An early downfall can turn into a steady climb by the end of the day. Today is a day to pay attention, be practical, and avoid any daring acts. Oh well, it was still worth getting the guitar, not going to feel guilty about it. I don't even bother reading my ex's horoscope.....not worth the time. Just a silly Horoscope. Enjoy the guitar. (Guess my 10 minutes are up. ) TOJAZ
Author trippi1432 Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 Just a silly Horoscope. Enjoy the guitar. (Guess my 10 minutes are up. ) TOJAZ Yep, they are....time to move on....if you heard me playing right now...you'd be laughing your head off...LOL!!!
tojaz Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 I'll take laughing over crying any day! Play on my dear, play on!
Auroracoladybug Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Trippi I didn't know you played guitar! Play it girl! I have two acoustics in my living room and I need to tune them...I played from 1st to 7th grade...only classical but its pretty...unfortunately just tab so I don't know notes...LOL I even was in one of the best choirs in HS
Gunny376 Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 My son was playing it earlier...don't want to break any strings yet...tuned perfect! New message from God today: God wants her to know... ... that it's time you stopped hiding from life, and said yes to the adventure of being alive. Enough of the routine already. Go on, have an adventure, - do what you always wanted deep within your heart. Do what brings you alive, and the universe will open doors where there were only walls. hmmm, sounds good doesn't it? I bet your message would be the same. Got that right! Live your life for yourself! Live your life for yourself! Get busy living or get busy dying!! Live your Life to its Top! Live your Life to its fullest! Don't live your Life for your DH/DW? Don't live your Life for your children? Don't live your Life for your Parents? Don't live your Life through your children's lives nor your Grand Children's lives! Live your Life for you! Thus far through life? You've gave all you had, and you've done the best that you could do. And you will continue to do so. Had you known ten, twenty, thirty years ago? Things would have been different. But you didn't. All that matters is that you gave it your best shot! You gave all you had at the time. Don't sit around "I could of, should of, would of,................." Get busy living your life right here and right now! Get busy taking personal responsibility for your happiness in Life, and quit seeking in through someone else. Be they your XHEX or your children. If your seeking happiness through someme else? They're going to let you down each and everytime! You can start with "Hey! I'm still alive!" Count your blessings not your troubles, Each day I wake? I'm thankfull! Hey! I woke alive! And that's a good thing! Then I think ~ "I'm worse off than some? But better off than most!" (Usually followed with "Thank God the Good Lord gave my dumn-@zz enough sense to do twenty years in the Marine Corps, have never re-married, and blessed to have a full time job!) Counting my blessings is where I start each day! And I start out with ~ "But by the Grace of God? There Go I!"
Author trippi1432 Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 Hey Gunny, I'm swiping this from a post you did in another thread. I don't recall seeing this before, but thought it would make for good reflection. During the process of going through a separation / divorce one also goes through the Five Stages of Grief. Five Stages Of Grief Denial and Isolation. At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.Anger. The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.Bargaining. Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"Depression. The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.Acceptance. This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.I think that I am stuck between 4 and 5....not really sure. The anger, sadness and mouning have tapered off as long as I don't have to see him, talk to him or deal with him.
tojaz Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 I don't think those stages are present for everyone, and I dont think they are linear. We kind of bounce around and hang in the middle sometimes. I think I've been dangling between 4 and 5 for quite awhile, but certain events can knock you right back to square one or two. TOJAZ
Author trippi1432 Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 Here's some things that still irritate me....it's been seven weeks, I gave him the change of address packet four weeks ago, he still has not changed his address. I changed my phone number so I wouldn't get his collection calls anymore since he refuses to pay the credit cards he has in his name only and they still find the number and call here for him. How can I get these people to stop calling here for him when I changed the number?
tojaz Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Good question. I asked the ex to do a change of address. Sh said she wasn't going to bother so I've been leaving her mail on her car on my way to work early in the morning. That way she dosen't have to see me or anything, LOL. I would just give the collectors drinking buddies number, or H's cell. TOJAZ
Author trippi1432 Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 Good question. I asked the ex to do a change of address. Sh said she wasn't going to bother so I've been leaving her mail on her car on my way to work early in the morning. That way she dosen't have to see me or anything, LOL. I would just give the collectors drinking buddies number, or H's cell. TOJAZ You should just write her new address on it and put it back in the mailbox to be redelivered. That's what I'm doing right now.
tojaz Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Thought about that, but she still gets bills and stuff, and I don't want her to be late on payments etc because of me. Just another place for her to pick at. This way, at least i know I held up my end.
Author trippi1432 Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 God wants her to know... ... that the great advantage of having nothing is that everything becomes a gain. Losing everything is at the same time the scariest, as well as the most liberating experience you can have. When you have something, - anything, you've got to protect it from disappearing. And so worry becomes a resident in your heart. When you've got nothing, your heart overflows with gratitude for every offering you receive. Guess that means that there is only up from here.
tojaz Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 God wants her to know... ... that the great advantage of having nothing is that everything becomes a gain. Losing everything is at the same time the scariest, as well as the most liberating experience you can have. When you have something, - anything, you've got to protect it from disappearing. And so worry becomes a resident in your heart. When you've got nothing, your heart overflows with gratitude for every offering you receive. Guess that means that there is only up from here. Thats kind of a depressing outlook on things!! I wouldn't say you've lost anything you couldn't afford to lose Trippi. I think "god" missed the mark on that one! (tojaz crawls under table waiting for lightning bolt!) TOJAZ
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