Road To Joy Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 I know it's a civil way to end something that is obviously not working. But for some reason, it makes me sad. Last time I initiated NC in late May, it was easier to deal with and it actually felt like the recovery process was kicking in. My ex was being a total b*tch prior to that and it allowed me to grieve, as well as be angry, etc. But now that it's mutual and she didn't exactly make me go through hell all over again, it just makes me sad. I don't really have a reason to be angry at her this time around. I don't even feel like crying or anything. I just feel that ball in my throat, and like sitting there and frowning, not even crying. It hurts to know I'm not going to travel with her in the future, or be able to call her when something cool happens, or when I accomplish something. It hurts everytime I look at my phone 'cause I know I'm not going to have a call from her. It's like she died, completely vanished from my life. It especially hurts knowing that she was just a stage in my life, I find that so sad. Most of all it hurts that it actually IS over, and that we're NEVER going to go back to how things used to be. That overtime we're going to drift apart like strangers, and if we ever DO talk again (which I doubt), we'd have to get to know each other all over again. Even though once we were closer than anyone could've imagined. Am I the only one who finds this sad or has thought of it this way? Will I ever get over this? I'm sorry if I've sounded whiny the last couple of days. I've been extremely down and I question whether I'll ever be happy again a lot. I'm always scared that I'm doing something wrong in the recovery process, and I won't heal properly. Or that there's some twisted psychological thing going on with my situation that will prevent me from getting over this and loving again. Thank you so much to all that have been patient with me. If what people say is true, I'll cool off with the sad threads as the pain gets lighter. And if I don't, well I'll just stop posting sad threads the last thing I want to do is annoy the support I have on LS.
georgia girl Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Road to joy, I'm not sure what your situation is with your ex, but your thoughts are so similar to mine (when I let myself these days). Was it truly mutual or did one of you want this more than the other? The reason I ask is because if you wanted it and she went along with it, maybe she will reconsider? If not - if she really wanted it and you just went along with it - then yes, you have to move on. For now, just focus on getting better and to be honest, I don't think there's anything wrong with holding out hope for "someday down the road." If that's what it takes to keep you upbeat and getting on with life, go ahead and do it. It sounds to me like you're healing. You don't want to right now, but you are. It will get better.
aboynamedmike Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 I know where you're coming from. I ended things with my ex about a month ago, and it was very mutual. I brought it to her attention that we were trying way too hard for something was clearly wasn't working, and she agreed. I cried so much afterwards, mainly because I hate making people cry/feel bad and she took it really hard. She loved me more than anything, but I just couldn't find it inside of me to love her back the same after she cheated on me... I figured the best to do was to give us both space and time apart to do our own thing. She's called me a few times in the middle of the night to talk when she can't sleep but I'm always sleeping. She's texted me a few times and I text back minimal responses..I saw her for the first time yesterday and I was so glad to see her, but I tried not to show it. ughh. Anyway, mutual breakups are indeed sad, because you both know that it's time to move on and whatever happened in the past isn't going to happen again. You just need to tell yourself that, and move on. There are plenty of fish out there, not just one that you think is THE one.
Author Road To Joy Posted July 25, 2009 Author Posted July 25, 2009 Road to joy, I'm not sure what your situation is with your ex, but your thoughts are so similar to mine (when I let myself these days). Was it truly mutual or did one of you want this more than the other? The reason I ask is because if you wanted it and she went along with it, maybe she will reconsider? If not - if she really wanted it and you just went along with it - then yes, you have to move on. For now, just focus on getting better and to be honest, I don't think there's anything wrong with holding out hope for "someday down the road." If that's what it takes to keep you upbeat and getting on with life, go ahead and do it. It sounds to me like you're healing. You don't want to right now, but you are. It will get better. I know I have to move on. So many things happened during the course of our relationship that it would be impossible for me to be happy again with her. And that's one of the things that hurts the most. I have no hope for getting back together with her in the future, 'cause I know it won't happen. It wouldn't surprise me if one day we'll talk again and exchange 'I love you's and 'I've missed you's, but we will never go back to how it once was or what it could have been if so much sh*t wouldn't have happened. The last three sentences you posted were the most encouraging to me. Knowing that what I'm going through is NORMAL is the most comforting thing. As I said before, I'm always scared I'm doing something wrong and my pain will just stretch out. I know where you're coming from. I ended things with my ex about a month ago, and it was very mutual. I brought it to her attention that we were trying way too hard for something was clearly wasn't working, and she agreed. I cried so much afterwards, mainly because I hate making people cry/feel bad and she took it really hard. She loved me more than anything, but I just couldn't find it inside of me to love her back the same after she cheated on me... I figured the best to do was to give us both space and time apart to do our own thing. She's called me a few times in the middle of the night to talk when she can't sleep but I'm always sleeping. She's texted me a few times and I text back minimal responses..I saw her for the first time yesterday and I was so glad to see her, but I tried not to show it. ughh. Anyway, mutual breakups are indeed sad, because you both know that it's time to move on and whatever happened in the past isn't going to happen again. You just need to tell yourself that, and move on. There are plenty of fish out there, not just one that you think is THE one. My ex cheated on me as well. It's not so much that I couldn't love her as much after what she did, but it's more the fact that I couldn't be happy or at peace after what she did. If I wasn't suffering 'cause of what she did, I was suffering 'cause I was afraid of what she was currently doing. I'm not even sure if I think or even thought she was the one. I wasn't happy with her, but loving her and imagining the rest of my life taking care of her regardless of her actions gave me a feeling that made me stick around. Obviously not happy, 'cause I was always worrying, but maybe... complete? Or like I was doing the right thing. But like you said, I think the saddest part is knowing that what once was will never be again. Thank you all for the support and insight.
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