georgia girl Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Thomas, While medication can be effective, I think you also need to look inside of yourself a little bit. Having read a number of your posts, I keep hearing the same thing. You WANT to be desperate for this girl, so you refuse to let go of the pain. In a way, it's like you're hoping that someone or some thing will come rescue you and put your relationship back together. Please, please hear me. That is not going to happen right now. I am not saying it won't happen in the future, but unless you pick yourself up and start to move on with your life, it will NEVER happen. You are no good to this girl or any new partner if you want to dwell and mourn on what you lost. But, if you start healing and start being that happy, well-rounded guy she once knew, you will be very appealing - not just to her but to other women. You are completely normal. This hurts and it's not fair. It's a very sad time in all of our lives. But how long we linger here depends on many factors. The biggest, I believe, is how long we allow ourselves to linger. Start working this out. Go do something just for yourself or go to a movie and got lost for two hours in another plot. Do something other than dwell. You will feel 100 times better. Good luck. I am here for you and I will not judge you. Therefore, please take my somewhat harsh advice with a grain of salt. I've done everything you are doing but I have forced myself to do the above and its made a huge difference for me. I just want that for you,too.
utterer of lies Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 I'm not aggressive...just responding to you. Don't be one of those people that dish it out but can't take it in. It doesn't match your username or avatar. ...and I'm aggressive, ha! Indeed I was devastated by your post, crying big tears of sorrow all sunday. How you came to be so good a knower of men, I shall ever wonder. And all those hurtful, insidious names you called me - they really did seem to bear a hint of aggression. But I am relieved to hear that you meant well, that you were just responding in turn, without the slightest intent of malice. I guess it's all my fault, again. I simply must have judged you wrong.
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 26, 2009 Author Posted July 26, 2009 georgia girl, thank you.. a lot.. I believe you're right... I'm trying to figure out what to do.. I just hate feeling like everyone else around me has someone. Maybe I can't let myself let go because subconsciously it feels like I have someone still by holding on. I have to figure out a way to diffuse this. It's like a puzzle.. As for you utterer... you pick fights with the way you choose to help. You think it is helping someone, but in reality, you're offending many. You have to rethink your strategies for helping. Your help is needed here, everyone including me need good help. So please, if you really want to help, please consider alternative effective measures of helping that don't include making people feel worse. Your help will be welcomed Lori is a good person, and doesn't deserve to be put down. Some people do. She isn't one of them
hoping2heal Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Thomas, While medication can be effective, I think you also need to look inside of yourself a little bit. Having read a number of your posts, I keep hearing the same thing. You WANT to be desperate for this girl, so you refuse to let go of the pain. In a way, it's like you're hoping that someone or some thing will come rescue you and put your relationship back together. Please, please hear me. That is not going to happen right now. I am not saying it won't happen in the future, but unless you pick yourself up and start to move on with your life, it will NEVER happen. You are no good to this girl or any new partner if you want to dwell and mourn on what you lost. But, if you start healing and start being that happy, well-rounded guy she once knew, you will be very appealing - not just to her but to other women. You are completely normal. This hurts and it's not fair. It's a very sad time in all of our lives. But how long we linger here depends on many factors. The biggest, I believe, is how long we allow ourselves to linger. Start working this out. Go do something just for yourself or go to a movie and got lost for two hours in another plot. Do something other than dwell. You will feel 100 times better. Good luck. I am here for you and I will not judge you. Therefore, please take my somewhat harsh advice with a grain of salt. I've done everything you are doing but I have forced myself to do the above and its made a huge difference for me. I just want that for you,too. The summer before this one, I had built up what I thought would be the greatest time of my life. I was going to be re locating to a beautiful place with all kinds of fun things I'd always wanted to see or do. I quit my job, planned to move out etc. I thought this was it. When I was dead wrong, not only did I lose the relationship, I lost all the hopes and dreams I'd built up about the lifestyle too. Add to that, Having to tell everyone else who thought I was supposed to be "gone". Having to re live that pain several times, it was terrible. If that weren't enough, all my best girlfriends were all in loving relationships, and I had to sit by and witness their boyfriends doing the romantic gestures and etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they had someone to treat them well and all, it was just hard to be going through something so painful and having no friend who could relate. To add salt to that wound Thomas, a few months of NC later, and it's brought to my attn that the ex has posted pics of me on his personal sites AFTER the break up. (Gives on a little hope right?) Eventually, we got back into eachother's lives, one of the very last conversations I had with him, he had told me that when we broke up he was extremely depressed, that there hasn't been any women since me. A little bit like what you went through with the ex who wishy washed on you, yeah? I finally realised that it wasn't healthy for me, I gave him one last chance. I told him if he wanted me, I was willing to take it slow and work things out, but I wasn't going to stick around with all these mixed signals and confsuion, that it wasn't healthy for either one of us. I also warned him that if he put his pride ahead and didn't take this chance, he would lose me forever. The outcome? He never replied to what I said. Painfully I let go. For the first time, I knew I couldn't hang onto this man anymore, because as scared as I was to imagine life without him, to lose the identity I knew as myself with him, it was sucking the life out of me and I just refused to live that way. I even disabled access to certain sites whcih would allow me to see his info (b/c I didn't want to cave on a weak moment). The month and a half that followed was sad, empty but I also moved on in that time of 6 weeks or so. By the time his birthday came I didn't feel sad anymore. I'd accepted the loss. In a strage twist of fate, he tried to get in touch with me a few weeks ago. I simply told him that I wished him all the best, but I had no desire to have him back in my life anymore. He obviously didn't take me seriously when I told him his pride would lose me forever, it did. I'm stronger now, I'm happy again and I'm very much in love with my current partner, who is a much better match for me than the ex. It's funny to say that, cause at one point I was convinced for a very long time I'd never get over that guy, but I did, I'm over it. I'm glad I love a man who cares about me and would never put my heart through that torture decatholon that the last guy did. You're never alone Thomas, you still have yourself and once you decide to let go of this woman who is sucking the life out of you, you may be very pleased with who that turns out to be.
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