marmaliade Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Since yesterday had this feeling of missing him... The whole night had dreams of us... woke up with this worst feeling of emptyness ever... Broke NC to tell that I think it's not right and I miss him... Got in the same circle of crying, being, upset, left, lonely, betryed... I gave so much into this relationship, tried so hard, yet he was abig part of my life, I leaned on him and trusted him more than anyone, he was my family, friend, lover... Can't still believe it happened to me... Still think that he realizes that he needs me one day... But just tired going in those circles, hate crying over again the same things, hate all this... Hate banging my head against the wall... I know there is nothing I CAN change... The changes have to be from his side... Just I'm scared it might never happen... All he can say is MOVE ON... Feel so lonely, so empty, it just doesn't feel right... Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Marmaliade, It will get better. I am so sorry for you. I have felt everything that you did. Just start over again today with no contact. Right now, with you contacting him and needing him so much, he can't miss you. Instead, he probably feels a little overwhelmed by your emotions and that's putting him off. If you are right and your relationship truly meant more to him, give him time to miss you. Slowly - and genuinely - get on with life. Do one thing today that makes you happy that doesn't involve him. If you go shopping, or have a drink with a girlfriend, or take in a move. Just do one thing. I promise, tomorrow will be easier. I'm a firm believer that recovery happens naturally. We all eventually do heal and are happy again. You will, too. Just give yourself a little time and stay away from him. He's like a drug, every bit of contact just makes you want more. Please remember that unless he's willing to give you what he need, what little bit he will offer just isn't enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Road To Joy Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 In a way, you're lucky. I know it doesn't seem like it and I know it probably feels like many of us are lucky to have that person still love us, but it makes things a lot harder. I hate knowing that if I contact my ex, she would be there to answer and tell me she loves me, too. And it makes things that much harder. If my ex no longer cared about me, she wouldn't break NC, and I wouldn't have an urge to, either. It would be painful as hell, I can totally imagine your situation. But you can get through it without any confusion. We all know how bad it hurts, we've all been there, and most of us are still there. We can get through it together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marmaliade Posted July 26, 2009 Author Share Posted July 26, 2009 RTJ and Gerogia girl thank You very much for nice and caring words, Georgia girl I really try not to think about him and go on with my life, just every morning and evening I have this emptiness feeling that is killing meand I can't sleep, so lately I sleep really a little. I also scared of loosing him, now it's like a tragedy to me... I didn't see him for a whole 3 weeks and really miss him, I know he misses me too, but... Damn, why is this so hard and depressing?.. Link to post Share on other sites
jlr Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 hang in there. it's tough. i know that any time i break nc, I get drawn back into it, and have to start all over in the recovery process. so try and stick with it. good luck, you can do it. Link to post Share on other sites
frustrated&sad Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 RTJ and Gerogia girl thank You very much for nice and caring words, Georgia girl I really try not to think about him and go on with my life, just every morning and evening I have this emptiness feeling that is killing meand I can't sleep, so lately I sleep really a little. I also scared of loosing him, now it's like a tragedy to me... I didn't see him for a whole 3 weeks and really miss him, I know he misses me too, but... Damn, why is this so hard and depressing?.. The mornings and nights are the worst. I promise. And they don't get any easier for some time (sorry). I highly recommend taking a sleeping pill every few days, if only to give yourself some well-deserved sleep. Otherwise, you feel physically worse, which makes your emotions run crazier. The emptiness takes time. My fiance left 5.5 weeks ago. NC for 3 weeks. Every morning I feel that life will not continue. And yet it does. Yet, if I talked to him I would feel SO MUCH worse. The sooner you get him out, the faster you will be able to heal. That said, healing is not easy or pleasant. It is difficult and miserable most of the time. But that's OK. You wouldn't be human if it didn't hurt. Just keep posting and trying to keep yourself busy. Try journaling. It really helps. And remember: he really is like a drug! And withrawal sucks, but once you are through it, you start to get better. My heart goes out to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author marmaliade Posted July 27, 2009 Author Share Posted July 27, 2009 jlr, frustrated&sad thank you very much, appreciate your support... now to try to make it a day at a time. Sucks, that I don't get any support from my family, the only people i can rely on with help is my few friends and here... So it's pretty tough... Yesterday rode a bike for 3 hours and went shopping, so took my mind of all this for a bit... But still have those week moments and numbess, like today when don't want to do anything... Hoping everything will be fine Link to post Share on other sites
Author marmaliade Posted July 27, 2009 Author Share Posted July 27, 2009 OMG, Started panicking again... My both grandparents got to the hospital, not in good terms with my parents... I need him so much right now, why does it all have to happen to me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author marmaliade Posted July 28, 2009 Author Share Posted July 28, 2009 Yesterday wrote him and sms, smth that was connected with my mom (she doesn't know we broke up and she asked me to ask him smth), got angry sms back "move on... we're never ment to be...face it". I tolde him i don;t understand why he flip out, because i'm just passing the news, he apologized greatly, cause had a stressed day and was angry and didn't meant it... yeah... very nice... NC Link to post Share on other sites
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