a fallen leaf Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Hi guys, I'm really confused and I need you to help. I was in a happy relationship for a little more than a year, and pretty much madly in love, I really thought he was someone forever. We saw each other with various regularity - he left for holidays for 2 months, I went home for 6 weeks for Christmas and then 3 weeks for Easter and he'd been on an internship that spring, and so we saw each other every 2 weeks. After I came back from holidays things got suddenly strange - i found him less attractive, then he acted rather insecurely - and i just snapped off - my feelings changed by 180 degrees - as if he became a different person. I couldn't quite understand why that happened, it gave me so much fear and anxiety, taking that the relationship had become quite serious. I got into a depression and wasn't able to function properly for a few months - trying to fix my feelings, if not force them back on me - bad idea! 10 days ago we decided we were gonna break up for about half a year and see where we are then. I think I'm getting a bit better now but still thinking about it a lot and really worried. I think I might have idealised him a bit while he was away the months before that happened - have no idea why I pulled away so much. Do you guys think that the feelings may come back? Have you ever had similar experiences? I'm also scared that if they come back, a similar thing may happen all over again. I think he's a great guy and we have a lot in common - wouldn't want to ruin something worthwhile. Please let me know what you think!
banser123 Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 I wouls seriously think about this. If you were in love and you have a lot in common and he is a great guy, then why wouldnt you want him in your life. Please dont let the anxiety of a relationship chase your feelings away. Its so hard to find a good mate and have a healthy relationship nowadays and if he loves you then REALIZE that and make it work. Thats my opinion. I have seen too many times when a girl in your situation lost a great guy then regretted it later, so please think this over
Author a fallen leaf Posted July 25, 2009 Author Posted July 25, 2009 Thanks for the opinion! The thing is - something made me unhappy there - sometimes I think that it was so good to be with him that I gave up a part of my identity and soaked his own. Maybe i need to find myself again first to find him interesting again. I don't know where this reaction came from - and really don't know how to deal with it. Looks like he still wants to give it a chance after the time we set apart, tho it's risky, I know. Did you say you know some girls who were in a similar situation and regretted it - did they regain the lost feelings?
georgia girl Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 I, too, have a switch and sometimes when it goes off, it's just gone. In my way-too-many years of dating, I have learned to question the switch. Nearly always, I end up regretting that I switched off only to go back and find that he no longer wanted me. Be wary... you might be giving up the best thing in your life. It's natural to get spooked, but don't let it ruin the good things for you. That's what we commit-phobes seem to struggle with most of all.
Ariadne Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Do you guys think that the feelings may come back? Have you ever had similar experiences? Yes, I've had similar experiences and the feelings never came back. They just got worse. Too bad this happened, I imagine you miss the happy relationship you had.
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