younglady50 Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 I am 53 and my b/f is 66. We have been together for quite a while. We are not married and live in separate homes. I know my b/f loves me unconditionally, he has shown me in many ways. We were apart a few times, because of some issues I had. But, while we were apart, we never cheated on each other. If anything, we talked to each other more. We were both married at one time and both of our exes cheated on us. Just recently, at church, a woman who was devoted to her husband til the end is now single and widowed. She is a very attractive woman, 61 years old, blond, blue eyes and an exceptionally nice woman. She has a very kind way to her and people she meets. A few weeks back, my b/f made a comment about "whoever she goes out with will be one lucky guy". Also, we have both spoken to this woman many times either as a couple or individually, but always in the presence of others. One day they were both sitting side by side and they were talking and they touched each other's hands in a fun way. I just looked straight at her and she said to him, "don't touch my hand". And, it seems there is a sparkle in her eyes when she talks to my b/f. She may have that look with everyone she talks to, I don't know. We are going to a fellowship at her house today with all people from the church. I have been dreaming all week that I will see something from either one of them, and I don't want to take it out of proportion. I don't want my jealousy to show to either one of them. My b/f has never led me to believe that he would cheat, but for some reason he seems to stare at her a lot. Do I have a reason to be jealous? Also, when my husband cheated on me, I had no idea in the whole world that he did that. Any help would be appreciated.
Hkizzle Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Jealousy is a psychological response in humans so they defend, and fight for the things that matter a lot to them. Although it's generally seen as a negative emotion. A woman's gut instinct is often very accurate. You've probably spotted that your man finds the other woman attractive. But attraction and cheating are two different things. I can't help finding hot women walking down the street attractive even if I was dating. Not much you can do since being needy and smothering him will just backfire. You can however act indifferent, and add a sly comment that you've noticed he seems to find her attractive to know you're aware of the situation. It's important your jealousy doesn't show or you have an arguement over this I think though.
Author younglady50 Posted July 25, 2009 Author Posted July 25, 2009 Suppose he says she is nice but there is nothing more than that, but his actions say differently, should I question him further? Should I let on that it seems he is attracted to her and that maybe we need to look at our relationship and see if it is worth continuing?
Hkizzle Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Jealousy is one of those negative emotions like anger, which has it's uses and developed because it ensured our ancestors survived. But in a modern world it's not really a healthy emotion to have, and drives people to make bad choices. You can either not question him and just trust him. Or just ask him casually if he likes her, but you can't show jealousy, and just see his reaction.
imonyourside Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 It seems as though since you have been burned before, you are slightly insecure about this present relationship. It does seem as though he is attracted to this woman, and maybe he needs help hiding it a little better, but I can't imagine he would cheat on you just because he finds another person to be easy on the eyes. I can understand it would be frustrating but at the end of the day, he is with you, not her. I agree you wouldn't want your jealousy to really show but it is appropriate for you to say something. You can let him know that you have noticed him staring at her and it bugs you. Usually, the reverse situation helps people to understand things better. Ask him how he would like it if you were staring at other men all day. If this is really eating you up inside, just take deep breaths, relax, and try and think life is tooooooooooooo short to be insecure and getting down.
Author younglady50 Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 My b/f and I attended a cookout with church people present. And of course, it is at this woman's house. I said nothing and just watched him. This woman came up to talk to us and the Pastor. She was talking about how she always helped her husband around the house, renovating, tiling, etc. My b/f said, "you are my kind of girl who can do all those things, come and do work for me and I will feed you." He said this all in fun, I guess. The Pastor heard it and once the woman left, he said to my b/f, "you have a special lady right here." My b/f then said, "Yes, I do." Once the Pastor left, I told him that I didn't like what he said. He apologized and said he didn't think I was so sensitive to something that was just a joke. I let it go after that. I then decided to ask him the next day if he was attracted to her and wanted to pursue her. He said, "No, I don't see her in that way. He said, " she is such a wonderful woman and how she was an angel and taking care of her husband before he passed away." He then said, "you are the one I love and will always love." I accepted that. He then said that "he would stop talking to her if it bothered me." I said No, " you should still talk to her as long as I know where we stand and that you are not interested in pursuing her. " Should this be a satisfactory answer or have I opened up a can of worms in the fact that he will be "walking on eggs" everytime he talks to her knowing that I am watching him?
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