hilljilly Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Just some background info, we have been married about 3 years, we have a beautiful 18mo old son who I adore, and I have not given a crap about my husband since I was pregnant with our baby. So unlike most wives, I really don't care about his "cheating". If you can call it that... I'll explain: About 2 months after we got married he got laid off from his job. He then took up a new career called living off me and holding the couch down, as well as making sure xbox live worked properly all the time, all while drinking from the minute he woke up until he passed out and spending all the money we had on video games, beer, cigarettes, and God knows what. Meanwhile I'm struggling to at least get the bills paid and groceries bought before he spends every penny in the bank. This went on for the first year we were married, then continued the entire time I was pregnant right up to about 3 weeks ago when I finally had all I could take and finally managed to get him to move out. I've been asking for a divorce since back when I was pregnant which he still won't give me a divorce but he at least finally gave me a separation. Since he's been gone I have been so happy. The only thing I need to speak with him about is which day of the week he wants to see the baby a few hours. So tonight I called him to find out if he preferred Saturday or Sunday and he was acting all wierd and not giving an answer so I was like okay well you figure out what you wanna do and i'll call you tomorrow. Then he's all what time will you call? WTF? So I'm like how in the he!! am I suppose to know, sometime tomorrow afternoon. So I think that's the end of it and go on about my night and then about an hour later he calls me back. Let me not leave out that we have been separated for exactly 20 days as of today. So he calls and says he has to tell me something and I'm like okay what, and he's all "I'm seeing someone." So I'm like okay I seriously don't care what is your point? So he's all, well she was with me when you called and now she's mad at me because you called so she left. Are you kidding me??? So I was like yeah, well that is not my problem, I only called to find out when you wanted to see the baby and if she can't deal with that then that is something you're going to have to deal with. I then explained again this is not my problem and I don't give a crap about him seeing someone but if he needs me to schedule when I will call him then he can eff off... The nerve of this a-hole! So I don't care about him seeing someone else in fact I'm glad, maybe he'll finally decide to go ahead and divorce me, but to try to make me feel responsible for her being mad at him because I called. OMG, that's just effed up on so many levels. So now not only am I responsible for scheduling his time with his son and providing all the transportation because he is a drunk irresponsible idiot so I have to make sure he is sober before I bring my baby to him, I guess now I'm responsible for making his relationship work! What an a-hole! Sorry this was so long. Just venting.
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 I think you did the right thing by cutting him loose. Some marriages aren't worth fighting for, and the benefits of freedom from something like this far outweigh staying for the sake of 'being married'.
bentnotbroken Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Why don't you divorce him? He is clearly not for you and you do seem happier without him.
Author hilljilly Posted July 25, 2009 Author Posted July 25, 2009 i would love to divorce him, and i will when i have the money to. when he left three weeks ago he took all the money out of the bank first, my entire pay check as well as my savings, and since then i have not been paid because i am on medical leave as i had surgery about a week before he cleaned out my bank account and moved out. don't get me wrong, i'm glad he moved out. but i am now behind on bills because of him, thank God my doctor released me finally and i can go back to work next week. this marriage has turned me against the thoughts of even dating again, i just want to be left alone at this point and i haven't divorced him just because i was so happy just to have him moved out and like i said, it's only been a few weeks.
giotto Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 so you thought it would be a good idea to "get" a baby out of him before showing him the door?
Author hilljilly Posted July 26, 2009 Author Posted July 26, 2009 so you thought it would be a good idea to "get" a baby out of him before showing him the door? we had only been married a few months when i got pregnant and i didn't hate him yet then.
giotto Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 I got the impression that you hated him already... but it sounds like you started hating him after you got pregnant...
soserious1 Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 I got the impression that you hated him already... but it sounds like you started hating him after you got pregnant... Sounds like she started hating him when it became crystal clear that his idea of a career path was to drain her of every dollar he could.
Author hilljilly Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 Sounds like she started hating him when it became crystal clear that his idea of a career path was to drain her of every dollar he could. that's exactly right, and on top of that i had a very complicated pregnancy and spent the majority of it on bedrest, my son was a preemie, he did nothing to step up to the plate even then and because of that against doctors orders i went back to work early while i was really sick and unwell because bills have to get paid. i just had surgery again 2 months ago, while i was in the hospital he spent all the money in the bank and didn't pay any bills so i came home from the hospital to that loveliness and at that point i was at my wits end. i asked him so many times to please just help me and be an adult and a husband, it felt like i let a teenage boy move into my house instead of a husband. it was ridiculous and throughout my pregnancy the resentment built up and then after our son was born it just continued until i finally managed to convince him to move out. it's funny for someone who put me through hell and begged for reconciliation for over a year he sure picked up the pieces and moved on awfully quick - three weeks, damn! i'm not jealous and i don't want him back but i am a bit shocked and i am just thinking that if he was that unattached emotionally from me that he could have a new girlfriend just three weeks after he moved out then why did he drag things out so long and put me through such a financial and emotional burden for as long as he did. what a leech and user. and he's still trying to use me. i had to put my foot down today about who does the driving for his visits with our son. it is not right for him to expect me to be the one to schedule his visits plus drive him over to his house, then come back and drive him home. he could pick him up or bring him home, but no he just wants to sit on his rump as always and have our son delivered to him like a damn pizza or something. he's so ridiculous. i can't wait to be fully divorced from this loser and i will NEVER make the mistake of ever marrying anyone ever again.
Athena Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 i asked him so many times to please just help me and be an adult and a husband, it felt like i let a teenage boy move into my house instead of a husband.(...) from me that he could have a new girlfriend just three weeks after he moved out then why did he drag things out so long and put me through such a financial and emotional burden for as long as he did. He had to find himself a new Sugar Mommy, pronto. Since his character is unlikely to change, he had to line up the next sucker as fast as possible before your stash of money runs out.
OpenBook Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I hope that, no matter what transpires with your H, the first order of business is PROTECT YOUR MONEY. Stop depositing any more money into that joint bank account you share with him... and instead open up a new account in your name only (preferably with a different bank), and start depositing your paychecks into it. Unless I'm mistaken, I believe he would have to sue you to get access to the new account (as the bank should block him if he tried, since it's only in your name). Just to be safe, I wouldn't tell him about it.
Owl Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 Seek legal aid and find out what you need to do to claim abandonment. Find out what can be done to work a divorce through, given your financial state. The comments about protecting your assets is right on, too. You need to take immediate action to prevent his access to your paycheck/bank accounts/credit cards/etc... Have him removed from all of those, immediately. Don't let him take anymore money. Protect yourself and your child.
jmargel Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 So before you got married everything was great? Then all of a sudden two months after it fell apart? Not sure what state you live in, but call domestic relations and ask them if you could talk to someone about your situation. Also call the county assistance office, as my wife works in that agency they can help you out a great deal.
Javelin Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 This makes me so angry, that someone is capable of this crap; especially when they have a child to help raise! I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of this nonsense! It isn't fair, but at least you have your child's smile to brighten the days a bit. P.S. - I know deep down that it is hard, but just keep high spirits and everything will work out for the better!
Author hilljilly Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 thank you all for your advice and kind words. i should have known he was a fake because when i met his family before we got married his sister took me off in the kitchen and tried to warn me about him - i thought she just didn't like me much and didn't want me to be with him but now i realize she was really trying to protect me, she told me he could be sneaky and manipulative and i should have listened to her. yeah all was well while we were dating and for the first few months of marriage but it was like once he figured out that no matter how sick i was or what my doctor said i was still going to work and pay the bills then he just decided to let me handle everything all on my own. and i am not jealous that he is seeing someone else please don't get me wrong i honestly don't care because i certainly don't want to reconcile, but i must admit that considering we have only been separated 3 weeks roughly it is a bit shocking/unsettling. but like i told him, it only confirms that i made the right decision when i finally basically forced him to leave, i mean i had to finally get my brother to intervene because he kept refusing to go. funny that, he refused to go for soooo long and begged and pleaded but apparently the minute he left he moved on to his next victim. good grief. i'll never make this mistake again. and point taken about the finances.
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