love_darlings Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 What is your stand on making love before marriage? If you are a guy, do you ask for it from your gf? For girls, is it just okay with you if your bf ask it? Just want to know your stand on this matter.
Hkizzle Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Well I know many people try to refrain from having sex before marriage for religious reasons but that's getting rarer these days. As a guy I can tell you I won't date a girl that's not going to have sex with me. Sorry but that's an important part of a normal healthy relationship. The problem is this though. Many men catergorize women into three categories: 1) Girl I will have sex with but won't commit to. 2) Girl I will date but won't marry 3) Girl I will marry If you start liking a guy that's just in it for the sex, there's no changing that no matter how good you are to him. Unfortunately many women are bad judges of character in men, which is why so many women fall for jerks.
westernxer Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 I had a moral stance growing up, but that changed when I let things develop naturally, especially when I found myself alone with a girlfriend late at night, on the couch, watching a movie that was never finished. LOL
boogieboy Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Gotta test drive the car before you buy it. Also gotta move in together for at least a year before you marry.
Bayern Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Well, I understand the moral sense, but sex is a major part of a relationship. Even moreso for a relationship you want to be for the rest of your life. Shouldn't you make sure the chemistry is there beforehand?
Hkizzle Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Actually you know it's proven that people that move in together prior to marriage are more likely to divorce. There's two reasons for that. 1) Their lives get more intertwined and they end up getting married when it might not have happened had they lived seperately. 2) People that want to live together first don't trust the institution of marriage in the first place.
boogieboy Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Actually you know it's proven that people that move in together prior to marriage are more likely to divorce. There's two reasons for that. 1) Their lives get more intertwined and they end up getting married when it might not have happened had they lived seperately. 2) People that want to live together first don't trust the institution of marriage in the first place. I dont believe that, Where are the stats on that? If they move in together prior to marriage or not, not everyone can live together in the long run. Too many people are getting married and divorced too fast, so any of those stats are gonna be all screwed up anyways. People who live together first arent worried about marriage, they worry if they can stand being around their mate for months at a time.
Hkizzle Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Just google "living together divorce" there's a lot of studies on it. I totally agree, many people can't live together in the long run, hence when I first found out the results I was surprised too. But it does makes sense. For example my ex GF and myself lived together, and we almost got married, but a big part of it was because living together made so much of our lives mixed up together. In hind sight if we did get married, prob would have gotten divorced. The other reason also makes sense. My parents got divorced when I was a kid, and thinking deeper about it, I prob don't trust marriage in the same way. Living together makes sense to me, but that's only because I don't trust marriage in the first place.
Els Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 By sex do you mean vaginal intercourse or any form of sexual activity?
Scottdmw Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 50 years ago, a lot fewer people lived together before marriage, and a lot more people waited until marriage to have sex. People started saying that things would be better if people could “try it before you buy it”. On the surface it was a completely plausible idea. However, as we can all see what happened is the rate of divorce skyrocketed. Historically, there has been a very strong correlation between more living together and premarital sex with more divorces. It's very hard to claim that those things help marriage in any way, even if other factors and changes in society are also involved. Personally, I think sex is an incredibly strong bonding force between people. The hormone action is such that it nearly forces you to love the person, maybe not right away or in every person, but usually. That is why so many people stay with obviously bad partners, including cases of abuse. They bonded with the wrong person before they found out what kind of a person they really were. If people have sex and then break up, it leads to enormous heart ache. Just read the breaking up section of his website, and you will see hundreds of heartbroken people trying for years to recover after a sexual relationship gone bad. Then, after you've gone through a few of these relationships, you've basically giving pieces of your heart to a number of people. It seems to me that every time it just makes it harder to really give yourself fully to one person in marriage. I look at that and I ask myself is it really worth it? Why not just find a good person and get married? Sure you might have to wait a few years to have sex, but on the scale of a lifetime is it really that big a deal? Scott
Thaddeus Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 I dont believe that, Where are the stats on that?As counter-intuitive as it might seem, statistically it actually IS true. See http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/5840263/Couples-who-live-together-before-marriage-more-likely-to-get-divorced.html *edit to add* Why not just find a good person and get married? Sure you might have to wait a few years to have sex, but on the scale of a lifetime is it really that big a deal?Because finding that good person includes finding one that's sexually compatible. To discover that your new spouse is completely sexually repressed, or can only orgasm while gazing at pictures of gorillas, dooms the couple to an entire lifetime of sexual frustration. That, or you'll end up with lots of pictures of gorillas on your walls.
Eclypse Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 [quote= That, or you'll end up with lots of pictures of gorillas on your walls. Guess it's a good thing I don't shave my chest then.
EddieN Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Not having sex before marriage is an obsolete moral tradition that should have completely died when safe contraception came out and abortion became legal. It made sense before then. Religions didn't want people having sex and thus having children when they weren't bonded as a husband and wife. It offered more stability for the children and also gave the parents a sense for the kind of responsibility they'd probably take on when they had sex. Since the 60's, though, sex didn't automatically equal getting pregnant. Anything out there that still promotes abstinence is just a remnant of past morals that are now obsolete.
utterer of lies Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 What is your stand on making love before marriage? If you are a guy, do you ask for it from your gf? For girls, is it just okay with you if your bf ask it? Just want to know your stand on this matter. No sex before marriage was great when people married at 13, could hope to live as long as maybe 35 and half of all the women died at childbirth. Things have changed.
Scottdmw Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 As counter-intuitive as it might seem, statistically it actually IS true. See http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/5840263/Couples-who-live-together-before-marriage-more-likely-to-get-divorced.html *edit to add* Because finding that good person includes finding one that's sexually compatible. To discover that your new spouse is completely sexually repressed, or can only orgasm while gazing at pictures of gorillas, dooms the couple to an entire lifetime of sexual frustration. That, or you'll end up with lots of pictures of gorillas on your walls. Have you ever personally been in love with someone and then found out you couldn't make the sex work? Have you ever dated someone, fallen in love, and then found out that they have a true sexual problem like the kind you describe? I've never heard of this happening to anyone, nor has it come even remotely close to happening to me in my younger days when I wasn't as concerned about these things. I'm sure there are cases where a couple is unhappy and it shows up as a sexual problem, but I don't think sex is really the problem in those cases, just a symptom. I could be wrong about this, I don't like to guess at other people's motivations, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that many people bring up arguments like this not because they're really concerned about sexual incompatibility during marriage but because they want a good reason to have sex on the third or fourth date. Be honest and tell me, do you truly bring up this argument because you are concerned about the person you'll marry, or do you want it to be okay to have sex whenever you want? Scott
Scottdmw Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Not having sex before marriage is an obsolete moral tradition that should have completely died when safe contraception came out and abortion became legal. It made sense before then. Religions didn't want people having sex and thus having children when they weren't bonded as a husband and wife. It offered more stability for the children and also gave the parents a sense for the kind of responsibility they'd probably take on when they had sex. Since the 60's, though, sex didn't automatically equal getting pregnant. Anything out there that still promotes abstinence is just a remnant of past morals that are now obsolete. Three problems. Contraception is nowhere near 100%. Check the Planned Parenthood website, typical user failure rates for condoms are about 12% per year per couple, the pill isn’t that much better. You may be fine with abortion as backup, but many people aren't. Many women and some men also come out of it pretty broken up, no matter what they believe about it. Finally, human nature regarding sexual bonding is the same as it's ever been. Sex is a huge pleasure but it can also hurt you like nothing else in the world when it goes wrong. I think it's a reasonable question to ask if the pleasure of pre-marital sex is worth the risks. Scott
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