paddington bear Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Ok, so one of my 'rules' was not to date men who were Muslim. And don't start in on me here. Everyone has every right to believe in what they wish, it's just, I don't like the attitude towards women that comes, in general, with that religious faith - that bloody Sally Fields film 'not without my daughter' and various other encounters through my work and experiences of friends spring to mind'. So, for me in terms of how I can act and live my life as a woman compared to those in a Muslim country is a big cultural difference compared to where I'm from. So, as I said it was one of my rules. However, recently I've been thinking that I should not live bound by rules based on my experiences of the past, or pre-conceived notions that may no longer be relevant to my life now. And that I should just be more open and trust my gut instinct when life happens instead of trying to plan ahead. In the midst of this attitude change along comes my upstairs neighbour. A guy I've passed on the stairs many times and smiled to. He's taken parcels for me from the postman, have smiled and waved to him on the street and so on. Last night there was a ring on my door and it was him. He doesn't speak the language of the country I'm living in (nor do I fluently but I'm getting there). So I had been in bed, naked, heard the doorbell, pulled on this short kimono dressing gown and answered the door. He needed help with understanding a utility bill. So we chatted for a bit and then I invited him in as he wasn't understanding what I was trying to explain. I was feeling rather awkward about the fact that I was half-undressed, but he really caught me on the hop, I also had had only 2 hours sleep the previous night due to emotional upset from another situation I'm dealing with and had had a couple of beers and was pretty exhausted and not really the sharpest knife in the drawer at that time. Anyway, helped him out with his bill and then after some general chit-chat he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said no, he said we should meet for a drink to practice our language skills and asked for my number, which I gave him and likewise. He left asking what day we could meet and after telling him that I was free this weekend I closed the door thinking: I was just saying to the friend I'd just had the beers with that there was no way I'd meet a man right now as I was totally broke and had no opportunity to socialise. And then without leaving the house an available man appears on my doorstep and asks me out. It kind of all happened so quickly that I was like 'oh, how on earth did that happen? One minute I'm about to go asleep, next I've agreed to a date with my neighbour'. My gut on this one is: The utility bill was a ruse to ask me out, he did need help with it, but the late night call and the questioning if I was single lead me to believe there was ulterior motives. But my gut also told me that he's just a nice guy, no red flag warning bells etc, apart from maybe the time of the knock on my door. Thing is, this guy is from the Lebanon, very likely Muslim (although one cannot be sure of that as a mix of religions in that country) and I'm not sure if that is the case whether to go by my previous 'rule' on this one, or to throw caution to the wind. I mean I'll meet him and see what happens. Apart from the religious thing...he lives in the apartment right above me, so it might not be wise for me to get involved in anything anyway due to close proximity. I'm a bit worried that due to my lack of clothing (one night that I didn't wear pajamas..but it was too damn hot) that he saw that and thought I was some kind of floozy answering the door to a man late at night half-dressed, and then there's our mutual language problems. I can't speak Arabic and he can't speak English and we're both only learning the language of the country we're living in now, so deep conversations will be out. Thoughts on this one? I'm kind of second guessing my good gut instinct on this and thinking I maybe I shouldn't have agreed to anything because of everything mentioned in the last paragraph.
Sam Spade Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 First, this dude that lives above you is a complete idiot if he doesn't blast on the stereo that awesome song from the 60s: "Oh my darling, Knock 3 times on the ceiling if you want me, twice on the pipe, if the answer is no" :laugh::laugh: As for the cultural differences, it's always a challenge, but not necessarily in a bad way. In fact, they help keep things in perspective and reflect on your own beliefs and convictions. Just more talking instead of assuming. I'm not talking about anything extreme discrepancy in backgrounds, but a little cultural tension will go a long way. (Also, when you're in bed you can talk in your respective languages and imagine all sorts of crazy things ) Finally, Lebanon is possibly among the most westernized middle eastern countries (comparatively speaking...). As long as he isn't the kind of muslim that prays 3 times a day and all that, you probably could give it a shot
sb129 Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Personally, I wouldn't date someone else outside my culture again. I have had two bad experiences with this, and the cultural differences weren't that obvious from the outset- we were both from countries that speak English, the differences were far more subtle, but ended up being significant. While it may work for some people, I am not prepared to either give up my own culture, or ask someone else to give up theirs for a relationship. I swore black and blue that I wouldn't date another man from my own country, and I ended up marrying a guy who is from the same town as me- its great.
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