True2form Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been going through some uncomfortable coincidences recently. Recently I've had a dry patch where sex is concerned and he got very upset that I was avoiding having sex with him, he would accuse me of making excuses, but it was honestly because when we saw each other we were going out a lot and I was tired and then one night we ate too much too late so I couldn't even think about sex for fear of getting sea sick...and he flipped! I've told him these reasons as calmly as I could but he was clearly just too upset to think straight, started telling me I was making up different reasons for each time ("Oh come on, it's not going to be the same reason every time! It's just a string of unfortunate coincidences" I tried to reason...) anyway it eventually ended with me telling him that yelling at me was not going to help because it was scaring me off. For a while after that, it ruined sex for me, I felt pressured into it so my stubbornness kicked in and squashed my sex drive but if he made advances, i was afraid of another fight so I just let him but hated it deep down. Anyway, slowly things have patched up and after a great week in france together we haven't seen each other for a couple of weeks and I've started feeling naturally affectionate towards him again. He's meant to be coming to my dad's birthday celebrations on sunday BUT his housemate has swine flu... Now, my dad's aunt is an old, frail lady who just fought off some other debilitating virus who CANNOT get ill or she will very likely be the unlucky 1% who ends up in hospital and/or dies. My brother just got over the flu and the family is still debating whether or not he can come. My boyfriend told me last night that he was feeling rough and had a cough and that his housemate had the virus. I was so bummed out because I was genuinely looking foward to seeing him, which I told him! But today he's saying he feels fine, his housemate is in isolation in her room and he didn't see her while she didn't know she had it. Clearly he wants me to come see him. I'm not so sure. I'm not so worried about getting it myself, I'm young and healthy, but I don't want to act as a carrier and potentially bring about the demise of a frail old lady...and unfortunately as viruses work, you can feel fine before the bad symptoms hit and still be spreading it about like nobody's business without knowing. He now thinks this is an excuse not to come see him. "Do you not want to see me?" he asks. Oh lordy, here we go again. It's making me feel so tense...what can I do?! I've told him about not really desiring to put myself in the firing line and making my great auntie ill, but he can be quite selfish and I know what he'll say "It'll be fiiiine!"
Thaddeus Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 "Do you not want to see me?" he asks. "I do want to see you, but I cannot risk the chance - however small - of transmitting the virus to my great-aunt. You know her, she's only a year younger than the pyramids and her body may not be able to fight off the infection." "But I feel fine." "I know you do, sweetheart. And I want to see you to. But I'm just not willing to take that risk." "It'll be fiiiine!" "Yes, it will. So just cool your jets for a few days (or whatever) and I promise we'll make up for lost time."
Author True2form Posted July 24, 2009 Author Posted July 24, 2009 Lol, very nice, I'll let you know if there's an update on that and you can help me with the next couple of paragraphs.
Chocolat Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 You know her, she's only a year younger than the pyramids and her body may not be able to fight off the infection. Ture2Form - While I agree with your position vis-a-vis swine flu, it does seem that you have been making excuses to avoid sex with your BF. Perhaps if you can address that, the concern for your aunt will have a better chance of being perceived for what it is.
Trialbyfire Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 True2form, your b/f is being a selfish and insecure brat. We're talking life and death risk for your great-aunt so there's no compromise in this. If he can't understand that, imagine how understanding he will be, when push comes to shove with the two of you. Things to consider.
EddieN Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 Honestly, if I was him, I'd think you'd be making a pretty lame excuse taking into consideration what else has been going on with you two. If things were going great between myself and a girl and she asked me to stay away for a bit because she didn't want her aunt to get sick, I'd think she was being a bit paranoid, but I'd keep that to myself and oblige to her request. On the other hand, if she continually refused to have sex with me and then told me to stay away, then I'd think she was just making a really bad and unbelievable excuse to keep me away. You said your brother had the flu, right? And that your boyfriend just had a cough? Honestly, I think you're being a bit of a germaphobe here. Or maybe you're just finding whatever way to keep your boyfriend away because you're tired of him. Totally understandable...but do him a favor and just break up if you don't want to be around him.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Please refer to this virus as the H1N1 flu. It is not the Swine Flu and cannot be passed from pigs to humans and cannot be contracted from eating pork. I realize that the H1N1 is a serious and real concern to public health and I hope a vaccine is going to be widely available soon. But the pork industry is suffering enough without the media using the wrong name for this flu. Thanks
collegekid491 Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 It's not unreasonable. My gf didn't even kiss me when I had the flu, better yet, I didn't even try, no point in trying to pull off some romeo and juliet bs.
Trialbyfire Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 I think back to when my Dad had his lung cancer surgery, earlier this year. After he came home, we didn't dare see him, if we even sneezed, for fear of giving him something his body wasn't strong enough to handle. This was previous to the swine flu spreading past the southern states. This isn't funsies and egos need to take a backseat to life and death matters.
Author True2form Posted July 25, 2009 Author Posted July 25, 2009 THANK you Trialbyfire. Didn't I include in my little note that I've been feeling more affectionate towards my boyfriend recently and I've been really looking forward to seeing him? You said your brother had the flu, right? And that your boyfriend just had a cough? Honestly, I think you're being a bit of a germaphobe here. Or maybe you're just finding whatever way to keep your boyfriend away because you're tired of him. Totally understandable...but do him a favor and just break up if you don't want to be around him. Unbelievably, this is how the flu starts...with a cough. It has a three to five day incubation period and it comes on seriously fast, about four hours. You can get up in the morning feel fine, go to work and before lunch period you're a mess. Imagine how dumb I'd feel taking along my boyfriend to that party and he suddenly got hit with a fever and started coughing and sneezing away all over the guests. Yes, I'm a germophobe...if you haven't noticed, colds and flu are unpleasant, I'd rather eat sandpaper. And as for the "do him a favour"....I've heard that line before on this forum and it really grinds my gears. I'm not doing anyone any favours if I start spreading swine flu around my dad's party, either! As for Mr Butcher up there going on about not calling it swine flu... erm. I'm still very much up for eating pork. I'm fully aware that pigs can't catch it off us and or spread it between us. I love pigs, alive AND on my plate, so nothing to worry about...but if I said H1N1 to most people walking around on the street they'd probably end up trying to direct me to a postal district.
Hkizzle Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 My Granddad past away a month ago. Once a loved one is gone you'll never see them again, ever. So yeah, why don't you tell your boyfriend that even if the risk is minimal it's best to avoid it? If he can't see that reason maybe he is selfish like you said.
EddieN Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Hey, you asked if you were being unreasonable and I gave you my opinion. Seems like you just want people to say, "Oh, you're TOTALLY right and he's wrong." Yeah, the flu might start with a cough, but so does 1000 other things, most of which are nothing at all. Look, I recognize that there's a very small chance that he has the flu, a MUCH smaller chance that he has the dreaded swine flu, and a small chance that she will happen to catch it. I just don't really see a point over flipping out over some tiny probability. And like I said, if things were going great between myself and my gf and she wanted me to avoid me for a few days because of just a cough I had, I would think that she's being unreasonable, but I would suck it up and just go along with her request. If she had become distant from me in recent months, though, I'd just suspect that it's a lame excuse to get away from me. I'd even question if her aunt was even visiting. It's happened to me before where the downfall with a girl gains speed when I get even the slightest bit sick, because if she already started to lack feelings for me, she could exploit my mild sickness as a way not to see me for a few days to a week. Also, just the fact that you keep referring it to swine flu tells me you're being paranoid. Why don't you think it's the strains of the flu we're used to and more immune to?
Els Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Hey, you asked if you were being unreasonable and I gave you my opinion. Seems like you just want people to say, "Oh, you're TOTALLY right and he's wrong." Well, I do think she's totally right and he's wrong. Like TBF said, life and death matters are not to be trifled with. Yeah, the flu might start with a cough, but so does 1000 other things, most of which are nothing at all. EVEN if it isn't H1N1 per se, with her great aunt in such a condition, it can be dangerous for her. 'Nothing at all' to healthy young bodies is very often 'something pretty bad' for extremely old and immunocompromised people. I think you're being extremely unreasonable. What happens if the OP really does take your advice and sees her bf, and the 1% chance of it happening... happens? When you foresee a risk that potentially involves lethal consequence, no matter how small, it is only wise to prevent it. In the face of such consequences it doesn't MATTER that her bf hasn't been getting laid. It doesn't MATTER that he'll have to wait a few days more to see her (and get laid). The only excuse that I could see for her bf not understanding is that he isn't educated, or is ignorant about the consequences.
Author True2form Posted July 27, 2009 Author Posted July 27, 2009 XD He's stubborn for sure but ignorant he is not. All is well and everyone's happy...and unavoided...and you can guess what else. Thank you for all the advice! lol x
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