lilly83 Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 My boyfriend and I have only been together for a while, 7 weeks so it is really new and in the early stages. I have been through a lot of heart ache and abuse in the past and I really would appreciate your honest opionions. help and advice. My boyfriend and has been honest with me from the start. He said that he has got out of a long term relationship and still has some finacial baggage from the relationship which he has to deal with otherwise he has nothing to do with the ex. He also said that he wants to take things very slow until he gets things sorted so we have a good chance of us working and being together for a long time. The other thing he said is that "alone time" is very important to him. It is something that he has to have and needs. He said he needs it sometimes for a day or 2 so that he can get his head sorted. He said he normally needs it when he is very tired, got a lot on his mind or is in a mood and in this time he does not like to see or communicate with other people. Is this normal? Do people normally do this so that they can sort things out with out taking it out on other people, with out hurting or upsetting the ones they care about or love? He comes across as very emotional sometimes and I know he has been through depression. His family and friends live a 2 hour drive away and he has only been in this area for a year so he does not know many people or have many friends. He moved here due to the ex and work. He has to work long hours quite often to pay his bills and pay for the rent on his house, with out the hours he could not afford anything. He said that he loves the time we have together but until he has things sorted fincally which is very important there will be times where we will not get much time together. I know the fact that he does not have the time or money to see his friends is also getting him down. Even though ive not met his family or friends he has told them about me and when we was out the other day and he phoned his mum he said that he was out with me. She also sent him a letter a short while ago and said that she has noticed some good changes in him since he has been with me. He has also metioned showing me some pics of his friends as I will not get a chance to meet them for a while. He has said that he is falling for me and even though he wants to take things slow for a while he still would like us to gradually do the things that you do in a relationship. He has said that if and when I move in with a couple of times and talked about that and also metioned us doing other things other things together in the future. He is the one who asked if we can become offical and the majority of the time he makes contact with me first. There has been occasional times where I have called or messaged. The last 4 days he has been off work due to being sick and I know he is very tired. The first day he contacted me first by message and phone call but the other days he has been quiet. He normally sends me messages about good or bad things that are happening with work and his life. I.e the ex is taking the bed and sofa. He showed me a pic of the bed he is getting and sent me a message the other day about the sofa he is getting and sent a web link so I could look at it. He also has met quite a few of my friends, he has made an effort with them and is friends with them on facebook. Should I be worried? Is this normal? Is it because he is ill and tired he just wants to be left alone? Am I just being paranoid?? Sorry it is so long, just wanted to let you know the full situation. I really would appreciate your help. Thank you.
gobs Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 I can totally identify with your guy. I'm in a very similar situation. I don't think you have anything to worry about at all. If he's anything like me, the long term relationship he recently came out of probably hurt him and he's still trying to get his feet under himself emotionally and financially. He seems like he really likes you, but might be a little shell shocked from his previous relationship and wants to ease into things so that he doesn't get hurt again. If he wasn't interested in you he wouldn't be mentioning the possibility of moving in together someday at all. He's under a lot of stress. He needs some time alone here and there to get that sorted out and under control. Give him a little time and be supportive. I'm still a bit in shock from my last relationship and I wasn't interested in dating anyone for a while afterwards. However, I met a girl soon after that I never expected to connect so well with so quickly and that scares me a little. So I'm taking it very slowly also because I don't want to rush back into a situation where I could be hurt again so soon. If you care about him and think hes a good catch then be supportive and give him a little space when he needs it.
Teslacoil Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 He is the one who asked if we can become offical and the majority of the time he makes contact with me first. There has been occasional times where I have called or messaged. The last 4 days he has been off work due to being sick and I know he is very tired. The first day he contacted me first by message and phone call but the other days he has been quiet. He normally sends me messages about good or bad things that are happening with work and his life. I.e the ex is taking the bed and sofa. He showed me a pic of the bed he is getting and sent me a message the other day about the sofa he is getting and sent a web link so I could look at it. Yes, it's normal. The bold parts above should indicate to you why you don't need to worry. He's thinking about you, he's communicating with you, he's not shutting you out. Sounds like you're doing well together. Some people (men and women both) need alone time to "recharge". The SO in the relationship sometimes thinks that means that the person wants to get away from the relationship. This usually isn't true. Just because he needs a few days of alone time, and he doesn't contact you everyday doesn't mean he's unplugged from you or you should be worried. He's dealing with work, his ex, his finances, and he deals with the stress in his life by being by himself for awhile. The harder part in your relationship will come if/when you move in together. If he's unable to get his "alone" time with you in the house. You've got quite a ways together before you have to worry about that though.
Crusoe Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Hi, my guess would be that he is an introvert. Two types of people introverts and extroverts. Extroverts become re-energized from being around other people, whereas introverts become re-energized from having their alone time. If your fella is going through some stressful times at the moment then he is naturally going to want some alone time, an extrovert in the same situation may well go out and socialize to take their mind off things. Perfectly normal.
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