so his gone from being NICE to a complete JERK!!

[jessicasilver]

im going on holiday in a few days, i really cant wait! my boyfriend was being really sweet to me few days ago, taking me out buying me a teddy and rose and he even said ''dont go on holiday stay here with me instead'' im not going for very long, just two weeks!

 

however, his tone has changed now that i got a couple of days left, last night he picked a fight with me over the most pathetic thing and even though it wasnt my fault i apologised as i dont want to leave him on a bad note! why is he acting so mean even though he knows i only got a few days to go he left me in tears last night, which has made me question whether he really is good for me... i must admit just before he was going on holiday, i was being really moody towards him and i was a little depressed.

 

do you think his just about scared and angry that i will be on holiday and he wont know what i get up too???

[blair08]

Could be a number of things for his mood change.

 

Maybe he is wondering what you might be up too, or is jealous he isn't going with you? maybe he has done something or planning on it and feels guilty for it, and this is his way to ease his guilt? Or maybe he has some bi-polar issues going on, who knows for sure, hard to say exactly.

 

If he is leaving you in tears, maybe you going on vacation needs to be a time of reflection as well, to see if this is what you really want out of a relationship. IMO, regardless of why he is nice one minute and not the next, that's just not a good thing and could cause some more problems down the road.

[Hkizzle]

You haven't said how long you have dated him, or if this is just one incident, or a steady trend that reoccurs.

 

"He's gone from a nice guy to a jerk" is one of the most common complaints women have about men.

 

Men don't change from nice to jerks. It's just that when a man is trying to get a girl he knows he has to be on his best behavior. He has to say certain things, do certain things to win her affection.

 

Generally after a few months to maybe a couples of years when the relationship is steady the real personality and character of the person comes out. This is called the baseline personality. That's the person you will have to deal with forever if you want to be with them.

 

The biggest mistake many women make is they assume they've done something wrong to cause the change, and they try to change the guy back to the guy they first met. If you can't stand that person, you can't change that person back to the nice guy, since the baseline personality is his true personality. Time to move on.

 

However if this is just an one off event, maybe it's not that bad. Just know that if he's always moody, that's the real him.

[jessicasilver]

well i've been with him since last year april so its been over a year now!! however he did break up with me in february or 4 months in which he came back crying and begging!

 

i wouldnt say its the first time his acting this way but in generally his not this bad! he can be very moody but who isnt LOL last night he confessed that his scared i will cheat on him when im away.... i kind of understand how his feeling as when he went on holiday and i hardly heard from him i just assumed he was cheating even though i trust him and i know he loves me!! i dont know what to do to assure him that i love him and will not cheat !!

[blair08]

well i've been with him since last year april so its been over a year now!! however he did break up with me in february or 4 months in which he came back crying and begging!

 

i wouldnt say its the first time his acting this way but in generally his not this bad! he can be very moody but who isnt LOL last night he confessed that his scared i will cheat on him when im away.... i kind of understand how his feeling as when he went on holiday and i hardly heard from him i just assumed he was cheating even though i trust him and i know he loves me!! i dont know what to do to assure him that i love him and will not cheat !!

 

 

It doesn't sound to healthy of a relationship to me, if you both are going to assume the other one is going to do something while one is away. Not alot of trust there it doesn't seem like.

 

As far as reassuring him that you wont, you can do that until you're blue in the face. he either believes you or he doesn't.

[carhill]

He sounds emotionally unstable to me. Guys?

 

If he has been 'acting' in the past, and his baseline personality is coming out, it might be doing it in unhealthy spurts due to his emotions rebounding in rubber band fashion from lack of consistent healthy expression. I've seen this with male friends who repress. It isn't pretty.

 

Go on on holiday and enjoy yourself. His psychology is his problem. Do what and be who *you* want and are. Good luck!

[robintoronto]

Ok, to start off with, I'm a guy. And I think I can explain whats going on in his head. I've been there, done that and I'm glad today I can articulate what I couldn't do when I was younger.

 

Guys are not in tune with whats going on in their head as women are. Most of the times we don't even know what emotions we're feeling and why. Which is still miles to go, before we can even begin to articulate what it is we feel. I envied my gf's, (I would say excellent) ability to tell me how she feels when she is upset. And in the past when I'm upset I could barely put together two sentences. All upset, anger etc. but no content.

 

The ability to understand oneself's emotions helps you keep self-control.

 

I'm not going to tackle the issue of "why nice men becomes jerks afterwards" because although it is a valid issue, but I think its not applicable to this situation. I think the reason your dude is behaving the way he is is because he is insecure and he does not know how to handle it. Obviously because you're going on a holiday. He is afraid you may cheat on him, some other dude will flirt with you or even that he will miss you, jealous that you will have all the fun without him etc.

 

You see what I mean? There are a range of emotions, severity, rational or irrational all packed into his head all at once and the poor dude has no clue how to sort it out or tackle his insecurity. Y'know, women goes through the exact same insecurity too. But you guys are way way more tactful, smooth and smart about how you handle this situation. You guys have the experience cuz you've handled it in the past before. Society and daily life has taught you how to handle it well.

 

Take for example, if your dude went to vegas with his buddies for a boys week and knowing that they would party it up. There may be some strippers, alchohol, other flirty women out for a fun time whatever and you feel insecure. What does some women do in that case? They say honey, have your fun, but be careful ok? Give me a call when you can. Aha! But dudes don't know how to do that. They don't know how to make the best of a worst case scenario. They don't know how to create an atmosphere of give trust- get trust. Dudes are taught and expected to take control of a situation. But in this he doesn't know how to give just the right amount of control without appearing to be a monster.

 

The point is, this dude probably loves you dearly, but is handling it all wrong..... he's struggling, but cannot resolve it and in the end it comes out as something juvenile as picking a fight with you. Unfortunately in some cases, men goes to extremes and beat women up. But I'm not saying that your dude is that sort of person.

 

As a footnote, I'd say that I feel sorry for your dude and all the other dudes. They may or may not in life learn how to overcome this. With some of the replies you got so far. He's "bipolar", "emotionally unstable". Thats harsh. And mood-change? nah. Guys don't have a support system even close to what women have (i.e. girl friends). We don't know how to get sympathy. All of it comes out as ugliness. Before you talk about solution, I hope this helps you understand his behaviour first. I just felt that I needed to help a fellow guy out. Before you crucify him, maybe understanding him helps you see that he may be a victim too. You both are, but at least his side of the story was heard too.

 

I hope this helped!