Superdude87 Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 So about 2 months ago things started to go downhill with me and my gf of 6 months. She started talking to her ex again, and ended up cheating on me with him and going back to him. Immediately they moved in together again and were "trying to work things out" because even after all the pain and agony he caused her (he truly is an ******* in every sense of the word), they spent 3 years together (on and off) and she couldn't live with herself without giving it one last shot to see if it could work. So anyway, I was shattered b/c this is a girl I could have/wanted to marry. Regardless, I decided to let her do whatever she wanted and not beg or make an idiot of myself and ask her to come back. I cut contact immediately after our "official" breakup and went on living my life. About a week after the breakup she texts me to "check up" on me to see how I was doing. We talked a bit, and she dropped little hints that she was regretting her decisions and even flat out said she wished she wasn't moving in with the guy but had nowhere else to go. The next day, she texts me again, angry about something my other ex (my gf before her) posted on my Myspace. I told her that it was none of her business and she has no right to be mad, after all, she cheated on me and left me, right? That's right. After that day, I figured out what she was doing. She was throwing out a line to see if I would respond to her texts/calls, and by doing so I was proving that I still cared, and still wanted her. I decided then and there to not only not initiate contact, but not respond to her attempts to contact me. The last 2 weeks have been silent, until yesterday I had a missed call from her while I was at work. After debating whether or not to respond, I decided to let it be. I was tempted to text her just to ask if she had tried to call me, but decided against it. She left no message and didn't text me anything either. I honestly COULD see myself forgiving her. Maybe that's a sign I'm not over her, but regardless, I believe I know her pretty well and she truly is a good person. I know she's confused and conflicted about her life with her ex versus her life with me. I'm usually not a forgiving person, but something deep down tells me I could forgive her. So...I won't be texting/calling her, but if she continues to call me is this a sign that she might regret her choice and realize what she had with me? What should I do?
norajane Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 I think you're doing the right thing by not contacting her. Even if she does regret cheating on you, even if she does regret getting back together with her ex, she's clearly nowhere near ready to be in an honest, loving relationship. Perhaps if she actually stops seeing her boyfriend and is on her own for a while, long enough to figure out who she is and why she ran back to her lousy ex so quickly, long enough to understand what she has to give in a relationship and what integrity is, then maybe you can talk to her again. That will also give you time to heal. You might decide that you don't want to risk a relationship with someone who is so messed up that she cheated on you in order to go back to a bad boyfriend. The fact that she moved in with him, and has nowhere else to go, is a red flag. You shouldn't get involved with women who are dependent on men for a place to live. She needs to have some semblance of her life together - meaning she has her own place to live, at the very least - before she can be capable of truly giving of herself. If she can't take care of herself, then she'll just bounce from man to man, whoever will take care of her.
wontgohomewou Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 If you give her another chance then you are the biggest fool ever.
boogieboy Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 Put it this way, in another month or so, you will get over her, and you wont want her back, especially since she got with you before she was over her ex. If you got back with her, as soon as you bored her in her mind, she will leave you for the ex again, especially if she was still in touch with him. Dont answer any of her calls, you got it right. she is trying to keep you tethered just in case. SHe doesnt have any respect for you, screw her.
scienceguy Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 So...I won't be texting/calling her, but if she continues to call me is this a sign that she might regret her choice and realize what she had with me? She's obviously very confused about choosing between you and her ex. Even if she knows which choice she should make, it's probably very difficult to stick to it. She clearly has feelings for both you and her ex. In the end, one guy will probably be yanked around for awhile, and right now, it's you. If you do choose to allow yourself to be sucked in, then you'll probably be emotionally scarred, even if you do get her back. As to your question: "What should I do?" As pretty much everybody else pointed out, stay away from her. When you're emotionally involved with a person, it's very difficult to clearly see things and make good judgments. Being able to balance good judgment with your emotions is something that only comes with a lot of experience and honest introspection. I think you still have a lot of feelings for her, a lot more than you may want to admit, and that is clouding your decisions. In your case, it's pretty clear that the way she's behaving with you is totally out of line. Just reread what you said! SHE CHEATED ON YOU. On top of that, she dangles getting back with you only a week later. That's incredibly selfish and callous as well; her behavior is totally out of line. Even if she is conflicted about her choices, it's quite clear she's not thinking about anybody's feelings but her own. On the whole, she seems to be completely immature relationship wise. None of us can tell you what to do, but if you have any respect for yourself, you'll cut her out of your life.
Author Superdude87 Posted July 25, 2009 Author Posted July 25, 2009 Thanks for the advice everyone. Yes, I definitely still do have feelings for this girl and I do miss what we had and the thoughts of our future together, but the fact remains she did cheat on me, lied to me, and yanked me around (I didn't include the details in my original post but it was a long, drawn out process prior to breaking up). I won't get sucked into her bull****, and I don't want her to see me jump at any attempt from her to contact me. It sucks though, because after seeing that she had called me, I HAVE been thinking about her more. Can't help it. Trying not to, and I'm definitely staying busy these days (gym, working more hours, hanging with friends, etc...) but she IS on my mind. However, she doesn't need to know that and I won't give her the satisfaction of knowing that by dignifying her call with any sort of response. I guess the worst part is that I thought she was someone SO much different than she actually turned out to be. She seemed so mature, level-headed, smart, and most importantly faithful. Oh well, at least it was only 6 months. On the most shallow level possible, this girl was extremely hot and in a way has boosted my ego with other girls. I'm noticing that I'm getting attention from some pretty attractive females that I would have once deemed "out of my league" but after dating this girl, I'm feeling more confident than I have in a long time. I have HER to thank for that, so once she gets jealous when I find someone hotter, she only has herself to blame! Shallow, I know. Sue me! Curiosity is killing me tho. I've been in a similar position before where an ex comes crawling back, begging for forgiveness and a place in my life and I have to say, it's EXTREMELY sweet to hear someone that hurt you so bad in such misery. I guess that's the sadistic part of me. It's like the revenge you get without ever having done anything because they brought it on themselves. A BIG part of me wants to hear that speech from her and I hope I have the strength to push her away. I guess the most obvious solution would be to not talk to her and cut her out for good. Easier said than done I suppose, but for now I'm staying strong day by day.
boogieboy Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 On the most shallow level possible, this girl was extremely hot and in a way has boosted my ego with other girls. I'm noticing that I'm getting attention from some pretty attractive females that I would have once deemed "out of my league" but after dating this girl, I'm feeling more confident than I have in a long time. I have HER to thank for that, so once she gets jealous when I find someone hotter, she only has herself to blame! Shallow, I know. Sue me! Curiosity is killing me tho. I've been in a similar position before where an ex comes crawling back, begging for forgiveness and a place in my life and I have to say, it's EXTREMELY sweet to hear someone that hurt you so bad in such misery. I guess that's the sadistic part of me. It's like the revenge you get without ever having done anything because they brought it on themselves. A BIG part of me wants to hear that speech from her and I hope I have the strength to push her away. . IMO you have to right to be sadistic in this case. Some people might say its immature, but I'd torture her for cheating on me, she deserves it. ANd I dont see you as shallow for getting confidence because those women were looking at you, its helping you heal faster.
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