maleet Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I have been dating a married man for a while now. Not to air their dirty laundry but they have separate bedrooms and its been that way for 6 or 7 years now. She does her thing and he does his- obviously. She has had other issues in the past that caused their distance so it did not have anything to do with me.. although i WISH he was already through this before I had met him. The wife has been trying to obtain a goal lately- become a minister- and was rejected due to her failing her psych eval and she also had to fill out personal info on her marriage and sex life. The sex life part (non existant) has caused the bishop some concern and he said to her- ok, you can reapply in a year and I would like you to go to a psychiatrist for yourself in addition to a marriage counselor. So after that meeting she tells him (my boyfriend) the news... She said I cannot get in unless WE go for marriage counseling and therapy and that they are asking her to wait a year. He starts to get angry and said It is funny that you want US to go to counseling so YOU can get what you want. I already tried twice with you before and you walked out the last time but since you want something, you will do that to get IN but not try to fix us although I already disconnected 5 years ago from you. she became so involved with the church that she pretty much stopped acknowledging him and they drifted apart. Even now she attends a TON of meetings a week and other activities (she does not work or go to school) so she has enough time to do so but doesnt even put any time in to care for her husband or even cook a meal for him. But that is besides the point. They had a huge argument over her telling him she wanted to go to counseling so she could get into seminary school... which resulted in him leaving the house. He gave me a call (we are long distance right now) and we talked about it. He was expecting me to be ALL over him... I listened and didnt say much. I really DONT know what to say and that is for them to work out and he seemed to be hurt that I wasnt ALL OVER HIM as he later told me. He thought I would be jumping for JOY over this because he is making a move to me now. I am happy but not happy that his marriage has turned into this. They have many years together. I am the new girl and the other woman. Apparently she does not know about me (how could she not when every weekend he is out with ME). So why would he get so mad that I am not "smothering" him? He has a lot on his mind and I am trying not to complicate it worse... this is a huge step. He knows I am there for him and will be... so why is he now kind of mad at me? I need to give him room to think while this is going on... I never wanted to break up a marriage but I am not the reason this is going down anyways right now. I feel horrible for dating a married man in the first place. dont get me wrong... but I am not the first girlfriend he has had in the last 5 years either... I feel like saying to him- well sorry i am not jumping for joy that you are going through a divorce. That is sad because they have a great house and their last son just moved out Saturday... he helped him move but the wife didnt want a thing to do with it she was busy with church.
Author maleet Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 Oh yeah... he stayed this long because of the 2 sons... and the last one just moved out this past saturday.....
confusedinkansas Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I have been dating a married man for a while now. Not to air their dirty laundry but they have separate bedrooms and its been that way for 6 or 7 years now. She does her thing and he does his- obviously. I feel horrible for dating a married man in the first place. dont get me wrong... but I am not the first girlfriend he has had in the last 5 years either... ......... So says he!!! And if you're not his first - Odds are - you won't be his last. And...she doesn't sound like a "Pastor" I'd want in my church.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Dont believe everything you hear from this particular man. odds are he's not really seperated from her and living in a seperate bedroom. Why didnt you wait for him to make a decision when you found out he was married or did you let your emotions control you. and loose your capacity for rational thought? Seperated in the same house for 6 years??? lol I'd doubt that.
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I agree with Chrome. I doubt he's telling you the truth..He's a serial cheater, has had other OW before. You know he's married, a liar and a cheater so why on earth would you believe all that he's telling you? Actions speak louder than words and so far his words do not match his actions..
bentnotbroken Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Isn't it kind of said to she that you know this info about her life second hand. How do you know what the Bishop said to her? Where you in the room? Especially since she doesn't know you exist:rolleyes:
hopesndreams Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 The wife has been trying to obtain a goal lately- become a minister- and was rejected due to her failing her psych eval and she also had to fill out personal info on her marriage and sex life. The sex life part (non existant) has caused the bishop some concern and he said to her- ok, you can reapply in a year and I would like you to go to a psychiatrist for yourself in addition to a marriage counselor. Huh????? All this seems really bogus to me. They asked her questions about her sex life, in order for her to become a minister? LOL. Please someone tell me that can't be for real!
datura_noir Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 You shouldn't be holding this mans hand, figuratively, like he's a child afraid of the dark. He's using you for his emotional dumping ground. Honestly, these guys are such big babies. Where does he get off airing his wife's (and his) life to you? Anytime a man has nothing but negative things to say about a woman, whether they've been married or just dating, and they play the poor, ignored, hard working fella who is being mistreated, it raises sooo many red flags. Can you tell I'm on a PMS-induced man-hating streak right now??
bentnotbroken Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 The wife has been trying to obtain a goal lately- become a minister- and was rejected due to her failing her psych eval and she also had to fill out personal info on her marriage and sex life. The sex life part (non existant) has caused the bishop some concern and he said to her- ok, you can reapply in a year and I would like you to go to a psychiatrist for yourself in addition to a marriage counselor. Huh????? All this seems really bogus to me. They asked her questions about her sex life, in order for her to become a minister? LOL. Please someone tell me that can't be for real! Watch where you step .....it smells funky to me.
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 How long have you been having an affair with him? Less than a year? More than a year? Sorry to say this, but the chances of him leaving his marriage are really slim. Look at behavior, he's good at lying since he's a serial cheater.
NoIDidn't Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 Its really sad when no actual OW will touch your thread. smh Unfortunately, though, I agree with the others. No reason to believe a word he says. I don't even think the argument was what he claims it was. Plus, he's only looking to make a move in the heat of the moment. Once he calms down, he'll probably change his story to sticking it out until she gets what she wants. Sounds to me like he's mad that she's only interested in MC because of a goal that isn't shared by the two of them. No telling the actual backstory, but he seems mad that she's willing to go as someone else's idea not as his. Sounds like he wants to go to marriage counselling, not get a divorce.
bentnotbroken Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 One question...how do you date a married person?
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