A beautiful woman walks by, and yet another opportunity gone by...I kick myself hard.

[Balthazar]

The following is a gratuitous post

 

Since you like the legendary Sam Cooke

 

"Cupid please hear my cry

And let your arrow fly

Straight to my lover's heart for me..."

 

It would be good to have Cupid around in the grocery store!

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

I think singles go grocery shopping on Friday or Saturday nights. I heard that somewhere, like a real singles night... seriously!

 

I get alot of looks from men and I get shy and put my head down (ack!) and then fantasize about the what if 's hahaha. If a guy did say hello to me, and he was hot or at least interesting, I might plan to be in the same place at the same time the next day

 

So try saying hello next time, and then make a habit of showing up again, just in case. What have you to lose?

[stepka]

Most women who go to grocery stores are married. Oh, and public encounters rarely unfold like they do in the movies.

 

Single women eat too. And I wanna go out with Thaddeus too.

[frustrated&sad]

What about if a woman wants to approach a man at a cafe, bookstore, or even on the street? All you guys posting here, please feel free to give us ladies some tips. There are many times I see interesting or attractive men in coffee shops, at the library, or at the grocery store While at the moment I am far from being ready to appoach anyone, I'm curious to get some insight for the future.

 

Would a man not feel that I was coming on too strong by approaching him? What is a good way to catch your attention? Smiling doesn't always seem to be enough. I'm fascinated to hear the male perspective.

[Thaddeus]

What about if a woman wants to approach a man at a cafe, bookstore, or even on the street? All you guys posting here, please feel free to give us ladies some tips. There are many times I see interesting or attractive men in coffee shops, at the library, or at the grocery store While at the moment I am far from being ready to appoach anyone, I'm curious to get some insight for the future.

 

Would a man not feel that I was coming on too strong by approaching him? What is a good way to catch your attention? Smiling doesn't always seem to be enough. I'm fascinated to hear the male perspective.

You can always start with "hello."

 

Seriously. A warm smile and a greeting is often all one needs to start to break the ice.

 

Then use your surroundings and the context it gives you to start a conversation. For instance, in a bookstore or library, you might open with, "Interesting book you've got there. What made you pick that up?"

 

(I'm assuming the book isn't something like Bondage for Dummies.)

 

The point is that the approach is about a shared experience, even though that shared experience is very small. In my approach with that woman at the grocery store, it was about tomatoes. In a bookstore, it will be about books. In a coffee shop, it might be about coffee. That's not too strong at all, it's simply a conversation.

[kaiser2001]

Would a man not feel that I was coming on too strong by approaching him? What is a good way to catch your attention? Smiling doesn't always seem to be enough. I'm fascinated to hear the male perspective.

 

No way! Well not for me anyway, I'd love for women to approach me if they found me attractive/interesting. This really only happened to me once about a year ago at a Maccas (of all places!). I was eating and reading a newspaper when out of the blue a young lady came and sat directly opposite me. She said hi and introduced herself. I was initially surprised and at first I thought she was trying to sell me something but I realised pretty quickly that she liked me. I spoke to her for about half an hour when I eventually asked her if she commonly approached guys and she basically said only when she's in the mood. I think the fact I was in my bike gear helped as she kept gushing about my motorbike.

 

In the end I let her know I wasn't interested as she was only 17 and I was 29. She thought I was in my early twenties (I look young for my age?) so she agreed that there was bit of an age gap and we merrily parted ways.

 

So there you go, nothing bad happened to her for approaching me. We didn't hook up but we had an interesting chat and then parted. Not so scary huh? (I should take some of my own advice!)

[frustrated&sad]

You can always start with "hello."

 

Seriously. A warm smile and a greeting is often all one needs to start to break the ice.

 

Then use your surroundings and the context it gives you to start a conversation. For instance, in a bookstore or library, you might open with, "Interesting book you've got there. What made you pick that up?"

 

(I'm assuming the book isn't something like Bondage for Dummies.)

 

The point is that the approach is about a shared experience, even though that shared experience is very small. In my approach with that woman at the grocery store, it was about tomatoes. In a bookstore, it will be about books. In a coffee shop, it might be about coffee. That's not too strong at all, it's simply a conversation.

 

OK, Thanks to Thaddeus and Kaiser2001 so far. All great! Keep the comments coming!

 

I guess my worry is that I'm rather awful when it comes to such small talk--really. I usually get nervous, blush, stammer, or trip (usually all at once). And, frankly, when I have had some success in the past (several years now), men usually respond well until I tell them what I do and like. Then, most seem to get nervous/intimidated/strange/overwhelmed. Or cocky. I guess this is where I tell you that I'm a 27-year old Ph.D. and a professor of art history. Now, granted, it has been several years since I've dated (anyone whose read my other posts knows the story), but when I have in the past as soon as Ph.D./professor crossed my lips, something always changes. Actually, that was one reason my ex and I hit it off. He wasn't intimidated, which immediately had me intrigued. So, question: is this off-putting because men think I'm snobby? too ambitious? too brainy? It's behavior that I've never understood. And now, with these wonderful fora, I can actually ask and get feedback.

[Sam Cooke Fan]

I'm a 27-year old Ph.D. and a professor of art history...He wasn't intimidated, which immediately had me intrigued.

 

Sounds like there was a reason you and your ex hit it off. Frankly I would find a 27yr old PHD really pretty attractive. It may turn off some guys because not a lot of people in their 20s are PHDs (good for you) so they may assume a certain age range of yours. Just pulling stuff out of my *** though now.

 

But anyways, I'm wondering; once you break the ice--which I did successfully today, yay!--now what?! How do I develop a small talk into something that doesn't become too probing making it obvious that I'm interested in her?

 

In other words, wouldn't jumping from telling how good blueberries are at the produce section to talking about what her job is too big of a jump, and thus intimidating and thus, more likely to fail? So how do you not do that, and still give yourself a chance to see her again?

[frustrated&sad]

Good question, SCF. And congrats on making contact--yay you!

 

I'm really bad at the whole small talk thing. As a woman, though, I guess you could say, if indeed you were talking about blueberries, something related to cooking them. Ask her for suggestions on how to make a dessert with them. Or, if you are a great cook, you could find some cute, unassuming way of letting her know that. Based on her response, you could ask her if she likes to cook, if she's into dessert. You know, small talk. Then maybe say, oh, by the way, my name is xxx. It's a start, I guess! Keep us updated!

[lovers69]

Ok, I want to share one experience here...

 

She: Sir, which one do you like? Coffee or tea?

Me: Which is better?

She: (Thinking)I think tea is better.

Me: Ok, give me coffee.(smiling)

 

Well, after she smiled I started a conversation. You can do it to, just add a little creativity.

[Sam Cooke Fan]

Ok, I want to share one experience here...

 

She: Sir, which one do you like? Coffee or tea?

Me: Which is better?

She: (Thinking)I think tea is better.

Me: Ok, give me coffee.(smiling)

 

Well, after she smiled I started a conversation. You can do it to, just add a little creativity.

 

Lovers69, you're killin' me! It's the part that happened AFTER that that I'm curious about!

 

ok, give me coffee. (smile) Hi I'm John. Where are you from?

 

What!?

 

By the way, that's why I hate movies, because they always show the eyes catching each other, then montage or cut straight to the scene where they're making out or in a relationship. BUT THE TOUGHEST PART IS THE PART IN BETWEEN!!!!! That's why I liked Hitch.

[lovers69]

lolz...

 

Here it is...

I told her that her face looks boring and then she replied back like that she actually feeling sleepy. I can't remember what other conversation we had but the best part is....

 

...my friend suddenly came from my behind and the said, "Hey, talking to girls again?!!"

[Peanut9330]

Well i'm a woman and I personally dont mind if someone approaches me on the street as long as i'm not on the phone fumbling in my purse trying to make it to work like someone said, other then that I really dont mind if i'm not interested i'll let the guy know in a nice way, but the one things that gets to me is someone who can just say a normal hello and make me laugh a little with small talk then we chit chat for a bit and if i'm feeling him i'll give him my number and we take it from there.

[Peanut9330]

lolz...

 

Here it is...

I told her that her face looks boring and then she replied back like that she actually feeling sleepy. I can't remember what other conversation we had but the best part is....

 

...my friend suddenly came from my behind and the said, "Hey, talking to girls again?!!"

 

 

Lol that's so funny

[stepka]

But anyways, I'm wondering; once you break the ice--which I did successfully today, yay!--now what?! How do I develop a small talk into something that doesn't become too probing making it obvious that I'm interested in her?

 

In other words, wouldn't jumping from telling how good blueberries are at the produce section to talking about what her job is too big of a jump, and thus intimidating and thus, more likely to fail? So how do you not do that, and still give yourself a chance to see her again?

Well I don't think it's necessary to jump right into probing questions. LIke peanut said, idle chitchat is usually enough to give some idea or whether you want to pursue this further. Save the probing questions for the date, and even then, you can tell a lot about a person just thru general conversation and how they carry themselves.

[Shygirl15]

I have to say real life interractions especially with random stangers at public places can get ver awkward though. I like when conversation starts naturally, rather than the usual greetings and a ton of questions. Example: this morning while riding the Metro I noticed a guy sitting next to me secretly glacing at the article on the cover page of the newspaper I finished reading, so I offered my newspaper to him. He seemed pleasantly surprised and then we started small talk on various articles and other things and I was smiling/laughing a lot which I usually do anyways. Then it was time for me to get off. So I get up to leave and I notice he's following me out of the train even though he mentioned he was getting off on the next stop. So I don't know what goes on in his mind but anyways I hurriedly walked away and didn't look back because I had no intention of anything more.