I do not want to go to jail by hurting this guy to leave me wife alone what do i do?

[jnj express]

one thing you need to do, is take all your evidence and go directly to his C. O. The military does not condone any messing around AND HE WILL BE PUNISHED. Other thing you need to do is find out why all of a sudden he shows up again. It could be your wife had nothing to do with this, but it could be your wife wanted to re-kindle contact with this guy. Had you not discovered that note who knows what would be happening between them right now. You have no trust because of prior A., her contacting him even with the one E-Mail has rekindled NO TRUST. You need to find out where all of this came from, WHY now out of the blue 5 yrs. later is he showing up. You need to moniter your wife closely, BUT on the chance she is telling the truth you need to make him go away. Once again contact his C. O., and/or get a restraining order against him.

[tg0623]

Man you guys are great i never knew i would have so much support...

 

 

Well, here is an update. Last night i got off the train, got into the car, did not say anything. She asks am i crabby? I said ohhhh yeah i am. She says know what? i said we need to talk. She says now what i thought we were done with that from last night. I said naw those one or two word anyswers you were giving me are just not acceptable to me, not one bit.

 

Were back at the house now and she is ticked saying i just want to ruin this vacation next week. She states that i am just not going to let this go that i am going to continue this everyday. Then she got mad saying F that loser i do not want anything to do with him, i told you this. i said not in a way of remorse, not an apology or reassuarance. I told her you did not even try to give me a hug and say anything to make me feel any different. I also said after that you never tried to look into my eyes and try to convince me of anything different. Then she says you know i am not like that. I responded your too much like a guy!

 

She swears she doesnt want anything to do with him, no contact or anythying. I just dont believe her due to her actions... If she would just do that I would know if i could or could not believe her. I packed again last night to leave. went to say goodbye to my little girls and i broke down... they were asking why are you leaving, where are you going, with the biggest brown round eyes you ever saw! They could tell i knew it... I cant leave these girls... her i could care less now in a way because without any action from her i have no other way but to think shes lying to me. If she would make an attempt I would then know shes serious.

 

Honestly she has till tonight when i get off the train... If she does not make an attempt to show actions not her words anymore then we will go to our vacation in mexico and i will show her the happiness i have not provided, i will have an amazing time with her to show her we can be a couple still. I do not want to give up i know i love her but i am not getting any younger.

 

If she does not attempt action when i get home. Then next week since i will be off all week anyways, will be a divorce first thing monday morning!

 

When i kept going on and on about him she kept telling me to stop she did not want to hear it. it is all being repeated over and over. i said fix it then. She said i am done forget everything i dont want you or him. You both are losers. She says i dont care what you do then. i said fine i guess its over lets get a divorce. then she went to the washroom for a bit and then i went to pack my toothbrush but she was in there and then i say let me know when your out so i can get the last of what i need to go... i came back in a bit and she was now on the bed laying down crying.

 

i told her all i wanted you to do was talk with me like normal people do. I cannot even get that from you. You think this is all a game and a joke. i told her you do not know how bothered i am by all this, if you really want me to stop worrying if your telling the truth you would just talk. i told her i dont want to bring up anything i already talked about i just want to know what it is you want and dont want. its that simple. I want action no more yes no...

 

Walked away, came back an hour later. laid next to her and asked will you talk with me now. She starts to talk saying no matter what she says or does i am not going to believe her anyways. She says i dont believe anything, i said you did that not me when you lied to my face twice! then the girls needed to get to bed she says will talk once there in bed. i was like wow.

 

Well, they go to sleep shes on the laptop paying bills, i said thought we were going to talk she says yeah we are.

 

we start talking and i told her basically what i said previous paragraph.

well, turns out were both sox fans and the news on the perfect pitched game was on and we just went back and fourth. well, now i am getting tired from all the stress right. well, now i am not in the mood to talk, i kinda was at a loss of words. next thing i know i could care less....... i do not have then nail driven through the heart pain anymore!!!!! i am at peace!!! i could care less about it now.... i give up.. i feel like the guy in office space after he saw the hypnosis guy!! i cant believe it... i think she broke my heart!

 

She kept asking me in a nice way too. i thought we were going to talk. i just shrugged my shoulders... she said this like 8 times to me everytime i just shrugged. she asks me to get her a snack i just got up went got it came up gave it to her and just walked away to the bedroom and went to sleep...

 

I woke up feeling fantastic like nothing can bother me now..... i tried to think about the situation and it doesnt bother me a bit!!!! i do not know what happened... either i saw the light, i cracked, heart broke or i do not know....

 

but i did not say a word to her just got in the car and out with a straight face like nothing ever happened. i am waiting to see if she will send me an email, call or text me... If she doesnt i do not think she got the hint that all she has to do is show me action and all i stated already...

 

Now we are talking of a female here so i know this is very very out there already for her to see just that.. lol... but if i slapped her across the face with a piece of paper saying just show action concern apology remorse looking into my eyes or a hug and some tears.... that would take all of the fun out if it heheheh.. God help her please.

[Owl]

OK...first off, you've got every right to be stressed out over this whole situation. The fact that your wife DID email back with a "friendly email" to a former affair partner is clearly reason to have trust issues...don't take me wrong.

 

With that said...KNOCK OFF THE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE CRAP ALREADY!

 

You're not solving your problems doing this...you're creating even more, and making the existing ones worse!!!!!

 

Two words for you...MARRIAGE COUNSELING.

 

There are tons of things that the two of you need to address, and it sounds like none of them have been addressed yet.

 

As Taylor said, I don't know that your wife ever rebuilt your trust in her from her previous affair. Your drinking and emotional neglect are huge issues. Now throw into the mix the attempt at resumed contact by OM, and her inappropriate response and it's even worse. Then chuck in your "all over the place" responses to her and the situation, and right now the two of you are sitting on a powder keg!!!

 

You guys need some emergency counseling...TODAY.

 

I don't see how the two of you could possibly enjoy this trip to Cancun with all that's going on right now...you need to get the issues addressed FIRST. Postpone it. Get in touch with a marriage counselor...get the situation with OM dealt with. Start working on all these other critical issues in your relationship...and once the two of you have started to fix these problems...THEN go on a trip to treat yourselves.

 

Focus on dealing with the problems.

[tg0623]

Oh wow, i just checked her emails. there was a failure notice

 

this message states...

 

Hi. This is the qmail-send program at miumvslpr20a.um.ced.h3g.it

I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses.

This a permanent error: I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.

 

To me it seems if you take the HI. at the begging and take the last sentence I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.

 

comes together: Hi, I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.

 

Then there is more kinda more computer indepth but here it goes

 

<(tre.ite.itput.com.jp.comuk>:

10.216.61.155 does not like recipient.

Remote host said: 554 Sorry, no mailbox here by that name. (#5.1.1)

Giving up on 10.216.61.155.

 

there is more but it is all computer language stuff doesnt make sense.

I tried doing some google searches on alot of the contents of the email failure notice to see if something comes up but nothing stating a new email created by her. It says something [email protected]

[pkn06002]

Dude your looking for something that is NOT THERE.

 

That is a bounce back from the e-mail server saying it could not delivery the e-mail message.

 

Your obsessing and it is getting you where? You need to chill and deal with your issues instead of looking for more information.

[confusedinkansas]

Dude your looking for something that is NOT THERE.

 

That is a bounce back from the e-mail server saying it could not delivery the e-mail message.

 

Your obsessing and it is getting you where? You need to chill and deal with your issues instead of looking for more information.

 

I agree - Those can bounce back several times - It could be one that was sent a VERY VERY long time ago.

 

I understand your anger - but perhaps back it down a notch!

 

Seems to me you are SOOOOO angry that you can't see ANYTHING. Your wife is trying to apologize - But will it EVER BE TO YOUR LIKING? Will her saying she doesn't give a F about the other guy - ever be good enough for you? I doubt it.

You need to cut the crap - by packing & saying your leaving, getting your children in a fit because of it - & then NOT LEAVING....Seriously!!! Grow up a little bit. You have kids to think of. Is the DRAMA in front of them really necessary??

 

If you're going to go on this vacation & just "beat your wife down" for a week, how fair is that to the ENTIRE FAMILY. Your kids deserve a decent vacation too.

[In Like Flynn]

Don't let this guy win by his stirring the pot!!! You are doing exacting what he had hoped you would do!! Take a step back and breathe!!!

[lkjh]

You need to stop making threats and then backing out. If you say something, mean it and stick to it. Don't keep threatening to leave and then back out.

 

Why haven't you read the email she sent to him?

[tg0623]

I should just take her word. she is different then most girls, i swear she is more guy in the head then girl in the head. She is beautiful but her attitude and mind is like a guy. She is not the type to say sorry, she is not the type to give explinations. i am not trying to stick up for her. but i thought i lacked on tellin you guys that part. i have now seriously taken a step back. like i said earlier today i do not have that pain in my heart like i did since saturday.

 

I think she is right when she said she has told me there will be no more. but that doesnt mean i will put my guard down to let it happen.

 

Not to mention i think if we go on this trip we do need some seriuos alone time. we need to have some romance and good times, i cant remember the last time i saw her smile or giggle. I have not shown her any romance or that i appreciate her in any way. usually its my way or nothing.

 

Earlier someone posted that it seems she is missing something that i am not providing, this is why she is looking elsewhere. something along those lines. but my point maybe that is what is lacking the romance ect.. ect..

 

I am just saying i have to try i do not like to give up. Me and her have been through to much to give up that easy. i am still sticking to my guns but i feel i need to not blame just her i feel i am part of it too. these last 5 years have not been something to write home about lol.

[reservoirdog1]

So i saved all the emails and the note and dont know what to do... I want to go and hurt him badly. but i do not want to go to jail. What can i do to get him to leave us alone???? can some one help me out? I dont want to get into trouble but this guy wont stop until i get involved or something happens.

 

Perhaps you can send your own email to him? Don't threaten him with a consequence -- simply tell him, very strongly, to stay away from your wife and your home, and to not contact her again. (Actually, change that -- I think you can threaten to file a police complaint against him for harassment. But don't threaten him physically.)

 

As for your impulse to beat the crap out of him: I understand where that comes from. I dealt with it too. Never did anything about it physically (although I did send the OM in question a strongly worded f*** off letter after XW and I split -- if you want to read it, check my profile for posts I've started and go to the first one from 2003).

 

One thing that helped me was to remind myself of this: that guy is alive and breathing on this earth for one reason, and that is because I, in my mercy, HAVE ALLOWED HIM TO LIVE.

 

Yes, it's a bit melodramatic. But it did help -- mentally and emotionally, it took back some of the "power" he had over me and gave it back to me, where it belongs.

 

Hang in there man... oh, and if you doubt your wife, install a keylogger on the computer so you can read her emails.

[Teslacoil]

I should just take her word. she is different then most girls, i swear she is more guy in the head then girl in the head. She is beautiful but her attitude and mind is like a guy. She is not the type to say sorry, she is not the type to give explinations. i am not trying to stick up for her. but i thought i lacked on tellin you guys that part. i have now seriously taken a step back. like i said earlier today i do not have that pain in my heart like i did since saturday.

 

Thank goodness. You sound like you're on the right track. I think you guys could still benefit from counseling. Definitely just stop the passive aggressive behavior, which it sounds like you're doing.

 

It sounds like your wife's only mistake was replying to the guy's original email. I can't find in your posts, I might have missed it, you said it was a "friendly" email? Could it be that she was just trying to be polite and get this guy to leave her alone?

 

Your wife honestly to me seems to be doing everything she CAN do to try and make you happy and make you believe her. But she's angry and frustrated that nothing she says or does seems to satisfy your suspicions. You need to put on some thick skin, and TRY and believe her and give her a chance to be honest.

 

How pissed off and crazy would it make YOU if your wife accused you of having an affair, and you hadn't... but she refused to believe you when you said you were innocent?

 

Like you said... don't put your guard down. But give her a chance, and be happy together.

[tg0623]

I have not yet tried to contact this guys command, he is not military he is naval. That does not matter right? I do not even know how to contact his command.. I know his work number not his direct line.

 

I would like to contact them and tell them or actually show them the proof and let them discipline this guy so he can see that he needs to stay away whether or not she does contact him.... I personally do not believe she inniciated contact with him this time... I had a hell of a time 5 years ago getting him to leave her alone. I was there numerous times when she got on the phone and would tell him to go away, i actually listened and he was not going to go away. he would say i know he is telling you to tell me these things and i know you dont mean them... stuff like that.

 

This guy was stationed in another state for 4 years and now all of a sudden he is here. I am not sure if it is just temporary he is here now but he still has a place in that state i found it and i believe this girl or wife he has this kid with is at that house.

 

When i come back from this trip i might just send her a care package with all the emails and copy of the note. Then let her deal with it when he gets there lol. then maybe just going to his command will be just enough

 

anyone know how to do that?

[tg0623]

tesacoil, your thinking like i am... i know she is not to blame except for sending what she called just a friendly email. that right there ticked me off cause i saw it like you guys see it, a green light for him to move in on her. belive me the email he replied back stating give me a phone number, when can we meet, send me pictures and what not.. that was a bit much but right after he sent that he says he went overboard and she seen that. right after that she sent a mean email and since then we have heard nothing. not to mention me calling his work may have scared him cause i dont think he wants his SO finding out either. i think he felt that she is a booty call while he may be here for a short time.

 

I just talked with her and things are good. i told her that i am done with the B.S. of bringing it every night. She then told me i told you i mean this and i am not kidding i do not want or care about him. To be honest the email he sent her was only 2 sentences. it never said she wanted to keep talking, it was a im glad your doing good, congrats on you and your girl having the baby, i always hoped wherever you are you were happy. that is all she said.

 

I am gonna follow up with going to the MC when we get back shes up for it. if she wasnt then i would think she has different intentions.

[pkn06002]

Let me throw this out at you before you get the navy involved.

 

You already called and threatened bodily harm to him, you left the message with a 3rd party. So lets say you get the navy involved you ready for him to get the police involved?

 

You nicely set the plate for him to get the authorities involved. So the getting the navy involved was good idea until you went off half cocked.

[tg0623]

All i said was i would go up there and kick his butt if he did not leave her alone and stop coming to my house...i never said i was going to kill him. )

 

To me i have the proof that he actually came to my house with intentions of messing around with a married woman not to mention stalking.

 

I called cause i felt threatened, i was mad, and wanted him to stop. i doubt if i called tried to talk that would not have done anything.

 

that is what i did last time. Just so happens my wife was in the hospital and he could not understand why he could get in touch with her. One of her co-workers at the time told him she was in the hospital. well, the guy track the hospital down and called her room. i happened to answer the phone. I talked to him, i told him right there and then: Look you need to go away kid before you get hurt, you need to find your own girl, you need to leave her alone she is married and has a child with me. He then tried to ask if she was okay. i said look that is not your concern, your not her husband and never will be. you need to get the hint and go away. after that he left her alone for 4 years.

 

I feel if i talk to his command there will not be another 4 years

 

i just want to call and talk with them to see what they say about it. i dont want him to get kicked out just to scare him to see he needs to stop that there are conciquences

[stuckinoz]

All i said was i would go up there and kick his butt if he did not leave her alone and stop coming to my house...i never said i was going to kill him. )

 

i just want to call and talk with them to see what they say about it. i dont want him to get kicked out just to scare him to see he needs to stop that there are conciquences

 

That'll get YOU in jail!

 

You seem to be going to great lengths to get this guy! Are you really prepared for the repercussions? There are a lot of things he could do to retaliate if you get his supreiors in the navy involved. I hope you know what you're doing.

Personally.....IF he contacts your wife again - you should go TALK to him - not bash his face in. Tell him -AGAIN (cuz obviously he didn't get it the first time) what you plan to do if he doesn't leave her alone. I'd think that alone would make him back off.

[jmargel]

tg,

 

As you know being a possible alcoholic the way not to treat that is to keep the booze out of your sight. Because at some point in time you will come in contact with it and then it's upto YOUR OWN JUDGEMENT whether or not to drink.

 

Just like the situation with your wife, you can't keep her from contacting him or any other man. You can't go around wanting to beat up or hurt other men that come in contact with her if she continues the communication. To defend her from physical harm, yes but this situation right now doesn't warrant it. If he does arrive and there is a threat then take physical action. In the meantime I would suggest to get a restraining order against him by your wife. He's had enough warnings and it seems like he is not taking no for an answer.

 

I would also get your wife some pepper spray to carry with her. She needs to go NO CONTACT with him, otherwise it's allowing him to keep his foot in the door. Even if she tells him it's over, she is not interested, he could have the mindset and twist it around to what he wants it to be.

 

He has no loyalty to you and you should have none to him. Continued harassment should be grounds of telling his superiors. Your wife needs to be with the understanding that any communication between the two needs to have you included. Log everything you hear regarding this situation.

 

I would also get a keylogger and monitor your wife's activities. Check online for her cell phone records. Don't assume she only has one email address, they are very easy to setup. Don't assume she is being the angel now but don't let your imagination run wild either.

 

If she decides to continue communication with him, then trying to hurt her or him won't solve the issue. With her crossing the boundaries her consequence would be you leaving the marriage. Live with confidence, live with knowing you would survive without her. Show her confidence without the threat of fear. Hope this helps some.

[pkn06002]

All i said was i would go up there and kick his butt if he did not leave her alone and stop coming to my house...i never said i was going to kill him. )

 

To me i have the proof that he actually came to my house with intentions of messing around with a married woman not to mention stalking.

 

I called cause i felt threatened, i was mad, and wanted him to stop. i doubt if i called tried to talk that would not have done anything.

 

that is what i did last time. Just so happens my wife was in the hospital and he could not understand why he could get in touch with her. One of her co-workers at the time told him she was in the hospital. well, the guy track the hospital down and called her room. i happened to answer the phone. I talked to him, i told him right there and then: Look you need to go away kid before you get hurt, you need to find your own girl, you need to leave her alone she is married and has a child with me. He then tried to ask if she was okay. i said look that is not your concern, your not her husband and never will be. you need to get the hint and go away. after that he left her alone for 4 years.

 

I feel if i talk to his command there will not be another 4 years

 

i just want to call and talk with them to see what they say about it. i dont want him to get kicked out just to scare him to see he needs to stop that there are conciquences

 

My God you are passive aggressive arn't you!

 

There is no "just seeing what happens" when you make that call to the navy. You don't make that call unless you are will to start an investigation. Did you keep anything from 5 years ago? Because if not what proof do you have that he was seeking to start the affair again.

 

What you think is a little nothing for a threat the police may not think as much. Your not a teenager where they write off comments like that as nothing.

 

If you really want to start something then send the information to his wife/girlfriend or is that just too personal for you?

[Angel1111]

I can see why you drink a lot - you're wound up tighter than a $2 pocket watch.

 

Ok, I totally understand getting revved up about this guy but, regardless of him, your marriage sounds like a complete mess. I'm amazed it's lasted this long and if it wasn't your mutual love for drama, it probably wouldn't have. I agree with the others here - either leave her, or go to counseling immediately; on an emergency basis - like, don't waste one more minute. Find a counselor and go. The two of you are so completely dysfunctional it's unreal. All these threats you make about leaving and then not doing it, just tears your marriage apart more (I won't even mention the kids), and it makes you look like you never mean what you say. If it were me and my spouse did what yours did, he would be the one to leave the house, not me.

 

Just because you stopped drinking a month ago doesn't mean your marriage is going to suddenly transform itself, or that your wife is so impressed with that and totally trusts you now. It will take YEARS - and I mean YEARS - for you to prove that you're not going to take up that sport again. Honestly, after all those years that you spent being drunk and unavailable and wrecking your marriage (again - not mentioning the kids), if I were your wife, I would see you as a walking time-bomb just waiting to go off. Not to mention that your wife has equally screwed things up. I wouldn't even know where to begin to fix this mess.

 

And, personally, I wouldn't waste a split second of my time tracking someone's movements the way you're doing with your wife. If my spouse put me in a position to have to guess at what he's doing, then the game is over, and I walk away. God, it's stuff like this that makes me so thankful I'm single.

 

P.S. While we're on the grammar lesson, the actual expression is "I couldn't care less", not "I could care less." If you could care less, it means you still care. Think about it - it's not that deep. Sorry, just one of my pet peeves.

[tg0623]

We are going to go to MC, i talked with her and told her if she means what she said to me that he's out and she wants this to work out, we need to go to MC. If we do not go to MC I told her that means either she is lying to me again or she does not want to be with me. I did not threaten her at all when i talked with her. I said it nicely and sincerely.

 

I know i should have not called this guy's work and did what i did, but i was very angry. I was under the impression he was going to be coming back. He had said in his email that he did not see a second car in the driveway only hers. but i do not have a car of my own anymore, i got rid of it to save money plus i never drive it anyways. so with him thinking i am not around since my car is not there. I thought he would drive pass again and think wow he's not there i can stop by now. That is why i called him. to me it was a direct threat, i had forgotten to tell you guys 5 years ago when i first found out about this i found a letter stating from him that he wanted to adopt my daughter from me once my wife left me. When i read that, that is when i knew he is not going away....

with that said, that is why i felt so threatened when he came around my home. I do not want to go to him now nor talk with him. i dont want to make this any worse believe me. I am not pissed anymore, i am done with that believe me i have had my share of law enforcement. I have a bad temper, i am also a cancer which i have been told i am nice one second and two seconds later i can a total a@@ not to mention i am italian with a temper that i recieved from my father. He is a very angry person trust me i pushed those buttons many many of times.

its not an excuse believe me i know this but i felt this info helps with my current situation.

 

I placed a keylogger on the computer already that is one reason i am not to worried cause that is now my way of seeing if she is being truthful and not lying to me. I am totally backing off now to see if she can be trusted. It was a free keylogger right now i do not have the funds to buy one but i will when i get back. I just put the trial one on now till we leave. i cannot wait till i get home and see if there is anything for me.

 

So you guys think if i go to his command that i too will get in trouble? I mean dont you think if he got scared of me calling the police would have came to me already since he knows where i live? If anything i think he is scared now cause after i called she emailed him with that mean email and now he sees not only does she not want anything to do with him but i also am aware of him being around again. Last time he was overseas i could not do much to get to him. I could have harrassed his family but i did not. Now this time he is much much closer then overseas so i think he might be scared to come around again. if he does then i will go to his command. I think you guys were right in the last few posts that i should just send his SO the package of contents to her.

[jnj express]

NO YOU WILL NOT GET IN TROUBLE. The military definetly does NOT WANT ANY KIND OF PROBLEMS WITH THEIR PEOPLE MESSING WITH CIVILIANS, ESPECIALLY TRYING TO BREAK UP A FAMILY. You call his work #, ask for his C. O., they will want to know what it is about, YOU TELL THEM, He is trying to break up your mge., and he won't go away. Tell them this has gone on for 5 years, and you want it stopped. Do not pay attention to posters here saying you will get in trouble for making threatening phone calls. THIS HAPPENS TO BE THE ONE AREA WHERE YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THREATS LIKE THAT. No one and I mean no one likes a slime that would go in and try to break up a family and steal another man's wife. The law in all states allows a man to protect his castle and family. Just go after this guy thru his work, actually the naval authorities will be very happy to work with you. The military will always do what it can to keep civilians in any area happy and out of their hair, so YES MAKE YOUR CONTACT. You will get this guy in trouble, and you will NOT get in trouble.

[Angel1111]

I agree with the above post - you absolutely were not out of line to call his office. He asked for that the minute he trespassed on your property and began contacting your wife again. I don't agree with you doing any physical harm to him just because that'll end badly for you - but I definitely understand your desire to cause him pain in any way you can conceive. He deserves to be embarrased at work, and whatever else happens. He should've thought of that before he tried to cut in on your life.

[Angel1111]

We are going to go to MC, i talked with her and told her if she means what she said to me that he's out and she wants this to work out, we need to go to MC. If we do not go to MC I told her that means either she is lying to me again or she does not want to be with me. I did not threaten her at all when i talked with her. I said it nicely and sincerely.

 

Good for you. I think you said it in very clear terms.

 

I know i should have not called this guy's work and did what i did, but i was very angry.

 

I don't blame you for that at all. I actually thought it was pretty funny that you did it. When he found out you did that, I'm sure it put some fear in his heart - and he needs that.

 

I was under the impression he was going to be coming back. He had said in his email that he did not see a second car in the driveway only hers.

 

How dumb and arrogant can this guy be??? Did it not occur to him that the two of you might be out together running an errand or out to dinner? This is such dumb reasoning on his part that I can't even believe he'd think that.

 

but i do not have a car of my own anymore, i got rid of it to save money plus i never drive it anyways. so with him thinking i am not around since my car is not there. I thought he would drive pass again and think wow he's not there i can stop by now. That is why i called him. to me it was a direct threat, i had forgotten to tell you guys 5 years ago when i first found out about this i found a letter stating from him that he wanted to adopt my daughter from me once my wife left me. When i read that, that is when i knew he is not going away....

 

If someone had said that about my child, I would've gone through the roof. What an absolute insult to you. I wonder what your wife's response to him was about that. Despite the issues in your marriage, this guy is a whole different issue. And even if your wife did leave you for him, what's that got to do with the kids? They're still yours and that will never change. The fact that he doesn't want to acknowledge that, and that he wants you out of the picture makes me think he's just a little psycho. I'd watch this guy very carefully because he's not playing with a full deck.

 

with that said, that is why i felt so threatened when he came around my home.

 

You have good reason to feel threatened. That's a very real instinct that kicked in for a reason.

 

I do not want to go to him now nor talk with him. i dont want to make this any worse believe me. I am not pissed anymore, i am done with that believe me i have had my share of law enforcement. I have a bad temper, i am also a cancer which i have been told i am nice one second and two seconds later i can a total a@@ not to mention i am italian with a temper that i recieved from my father. He is a very angry person trust me i pushed those buttons many many of times.

its not an excuse believe me i know this but i felt this info helps with my current situation.

 

All your own personal issues aside, this guy has threatened the sanctity and security of your family and you have every reason to get pissed about it. As I've said before, I don't condone physical violence because that'll end badly for you, too. But I also don't recommend that you let your guard down. It takes a lot of arrogance to do what's he has done, and I believe that there's either something very wrong with him psychologically, or your wife has done or said something to him that you don't know about that has encouraged him. Considering the way that he contacted her, my guess is that he's just not mentally together.

 

I placed a keylogger on the computer already that is one reason i am not to worried cause that is now my way of seeing if she is being truthful and not lying to me. I am totally backing off now to see if she can be trusted. It was a free keylogger right now i do not have the funds to buy one but i will when i get back. I just put the trial one on now till we leave. i cannot wait till i get home and see if there is anything for me.

 

Just to clarify, I didn't say that I thought what you did was wrong. But from my point of view, once someone puts me in the position where I have to second-guess them, I'll walk away before I'll jump through those kinds of hoops.

 

So you guys think if i go to his command that i too will get in trouble?

 

I don't see why on earth YOU would get into any trouble. Why would you?

 

I mean dont you think if he got scared of me calling the police would have came to me already since he knows where i live? If anything i think he is scared now cause after i called she emailed him with that mean email and now he sees not only does she not want anything to do with him but i also am aware of him being around again. Last time he was overseas i could not do much to get to him. I could have harrassed his family but i did not. Now this time he is much much closer then overseas so i think he might be scared to come around again. if he does then i will go to his command. I think you guys were right in the last few posts that i should just send his SO the package of contents to her.

 

I think it's good that he's afraid of you. If you give him reason to think you're passive in all this, that's like opening the door for him. Just think about what he's doing and how much nerve and arrogance that takes. Like I said before, he deserves everything you want to dish out - maybe he'll think twice before he does this kind of thing again. Send the package, talk to his boss, whatever. He's an ass who needs to be put in his place.

[White Flower]

I still dont believe her that she doesnt want to go after him cause i know she wants this trip and i am afraid to come home and then things get worse. If he trys again next week when were gone i am just going to go and hurt him severly no matter the consequences i dont want to have this stress...

 

Thank you very much

The answer to not wanting stress is to let it go. He is not worth it AND if she does cave into having an A with him, it is not a reflection on YOU, it is a reflection of HER. You cannot possess another human and no amount of physical harm is going to 'protect' your family from a wife-chaser. You obviously love your wife fiercely, but it sounds like it borders on obsession to me and that is not healthy. I pray you learn to deal with all of this in a more mild manner because in the end I fear you'll only hurt yourself.

 

Best of luck.

[jmargel]

tg,

 

This guy has no loyalty to you, and you shouldnt have any to him. Call his CO because you want him to be kept away and want this to stop. Don't do it for revenge. The loyalty comes from your wife, it takes two to tango. If a guy I don't know comes up to my wife and even though he knows she's married and tries to hit on her I can get mad but it's upto my wife whether she continues it or stops it. If she were to continue it then my upsetment should be directed towards her because it's her that said those vows to me, not some strange guy.

 

If you can't trust your wife then the foundation of the marriage is gone. Realize that MC is going to take months, not days to see results. But I'm glad you two are going, hope you two make the appointment this week.