Spinoff: Is there such as thing as unconditional love?

[Thaddeus]

This came up in another thread but I thought it deserved a thread of its own.

 

Is there such a thing as unconditional love between two mature adults?

 

That is, if one feels unconditional love towards another, does that mean that the other party can lie, cheat, steal, be abusive and all the rest and the wronged party will stay with them and love them regardless of the consequences?

 

I've already got my own opinions on this, but I'm curious to what others think and, frankly, curious to see if there's a gender difference between those who say "Yes, there is such a thing as unconditional love between two adults" and "No."

 

Thoughts?

[2sure]

I have thought SO much about this very thing. But Ive never posted on it because it is very difficult for me, on this subject, to find the right words to express my meaning. Love to hear what others say.

 

To start - yes, I believe in unconditional love. In fact, I think true love IS unconditional. Usually, a parents love for their child is completely unconditional. Even if communication stops, or there is behavior that will not be accepted (by either)...those things do not change the love.

 

For me, it really isnt any different. I love my H unconditionally. I offer him that. However, if he behaves in a way that my loving him hurts me - I will still love him forever, but regret that I had to leave.

[Lizzie60]

Nope.. the only unconditional love IMO is with my children..

 

I don't believe in unconditional love with any other adults: lovers, partners, best friends, neighbours.

[Sam Spade]

^^^

There is such thing as an unconditoinal love, except that sometimes the conditions make the relationship is infeasible. In order to have a funcitoning relationship, there are conditions that need to be met in order for relationship to be sustainable. But if being/staying in a relationship is not relevant, then yes - there is unconditional love.

[2sure]

I have to post again because my previous post just wasnt an answer and because I have so many questions about this.

 

I lost my parents young. With that I lost my unconditional love. I missed it and wanted it again. The thing is, with someone other than my parents...I didnt know if their love was unconditional unless they PROVED it. Which (mind you I was young, stupid, and dysfunctional) meant that I would push and mistreat and step on boundaries with my partners and if after that they still loved me...I guess I thought that would prove that their love was unconditional.

 

But it didnt happen that way. They either didnt put up with my crap or returned it with abuse. Which left me still wanting unconditional love, and having not recieved it, left me feeling unloveable...which leads to...

 

A Train Wreck.

[HsMomma]

Which left me still wanting unconditional love, and having not recieved it, left me feeling unloveable...which leads to...

 

A Train Wreck.

 

(((((2sure)))))

 

I'm so sorry that you've had to go through that. Big hugs to you.

 

I believe that there is indeed unconditional love - between a parent & a child. I love my daughter unconditionally - there is nothing she could do that would make me not love her. As for between adults, well, I think there's a difference between unconditional love and boundaries. I love my husband unconditionally & believe that it is reciprocated; however, there are most certainly boundaries in place. You asked, Thadd, about cheating/lying, etc. - those are, IMO, boundaries which two people who respect each other won't cross. Can crossing them take love from the 'unconditional' state? I think so, to an extent.

 

I would still love my h were he to do those things, but would feel as if he'd crossed a line that shouldn't ever be crossed and would make it hard to continue to love him unconditionally.

[Island Girl]

No.

Usually parents/children can have unconditional love for their children/parents but it isn't always so.

 

Cheating, lying, etc. can certainly be tests of love and there are those that say they'd still love the person even if it meant they'd have to walk away.

 

But what of pedophilia, child abuse/murder, cold blooded murder, rape, torture of animals, etc.?

 

If you found out your partner did (without a shadow of a doubt or any hope to cling to) commit THESE acts would you still love them?

If so, THAT would be unconditional love.

 

I love my husband. I adore him. But if any of these types of things were presented it'd kill it. There'd be no room for love with how much disgust I'd feel.

[HsMomma]

No.

Usually parents/children can have unconditional love for their children/parents but it isn't always so.

 

Cheating, lying, etc. can certainly be tests of love and there are those that say they'd still love the person even if it meant they'd have to walk away.

 

But what of pedophilia, child abuse/murder, cold blooded murder, rape, torture of animals, etc.?

 

If you found out your partner did (without a shadow of a doubt or any hope to cling to) commit THESE acts would you still love them?

If so, THAT would be unconditional love.

 

I love my husband. I adore him. But if any of these types of things were presented it'd kill it. There'd be no room for love with how much disgust I'd feel.

 

Good point, IG!

[Els]

In between.

 

I would say that no love is TRULY unconditional. Not even that of parents and children. But true love, IMO, stipulates that only in very rare and severe conditions will the relationship be terminated.

 

Let me explain. If a boy kills his mother, will his father still love him? No. So that would be a condition, that most humans have.

 

Another example: A boy disowns his parents and runs away from home and never contacts them again. In this case, some parents would continue loving him, some wouldn't. Depends on the person.

 

Moving on to romantic relationships. I believe that the only conditions that would cause me to cease loving someone, assuming that I TRULY loved them and committed to them in the first place, would be things like cheating, abuse... and extremely long-term harmful addictions or 180degrees changes in personality, which resist all my attempts of help and change. There probably are others, but I can't think of any off the top of my head right now.

 

So I guess my answer is 'no'.

 

However, there are valid reasons for terminating a committed relationship, like those I listed above... and then there are rather stupid ones that people make based on the excuse of 'no love is unconditional'. When really, I personally think they never loved the person in the first place if they could break if off for such small and shallow things.

[2sure]

I eventually got over my dysfunction. Well, that one in particular.

When I stopped looking for unconditional love...I stopped looking for love at all, which led to some other stuff.

 

But yes, I agree that certain circimstances can prevent or take away love we considered unconditional. For example, when my H cheated...and we decided to try to save the marriage - more than wondering if I would ever trust him again, I really feared that I would not ever love him as much or in the same way again. That was his biggest fear as well.

[Lauriebell82]

I think there may be such a thing, like between a mother and her children.

 

As far as relationships go, yes there is such a thing as unconditional love. What makes this question difficult is just like what IG said: cheating, lying, abuse, stealing, molesting..I don't know. I may still love my husband and not condone what he did. I don't know if I truley could be with him but I would not lose love for him.

[Sam Spade]

No.

Usually parents/children can have unconditional love for their children/parents but it isn't always so.

 

Cheating, lying, etc. can certainly be tests of love and there are those that say they'd still love the person even if it meant they'd have to walk away.

 

But what of pedophilia, child abuse/murder, cold blooded murder, rape, torture of animals, etc.?

 

If you found out your partner did (without a shadow of a doubt or any hope to cling to) commit THESE acts would you still love them?

If so, THAT would be unconditional love.

 

I love my husband. I adore him. But if any of these types of things were presented it'd kill it. There'd be no room for love with how much disgust I'd feel.

 

 

Well, I'm no christian fag, but I still think that it is possible to love someone, even after doing something like that, though probably not in a "relationship" sense - i.e. actually *staying& with them no matter what. Basically, I don't believe that anybody is inherently that evil, and it generally takes a very troubled and miserable person do do any of those things, and if so, they can still be loved.

[Chubbi]

No, to me there is no unconditional love. How scary that would be, if it existed.

[Sam Spade]

there is an inherent conceptual contradiction between "conditional" and "love"; if it is 'conditional', it is more along the lines of "I like what i see, and so far so good".

[butcher's hook]

Nope there is always conditions, therefore unconditional love cannot exist.

 

Though I do think you can conditionally love a child, or at least come closest to doing so in that instance.

[underpants]

Hmmm,

 

What conditions do you put on "unconditional love"?

 

You can genuinely care about someone and at the same time realize that it is a toxic relationship.

 

You can also want things to work when they just don't.

 

So, then there are choices and free will by either partner.

 

Not conditions, but human responses to stimuli/experiences.

 

Thresholds vary and all we can control are our ourselves, if that.

 

Do I believe in unconditional love? Yes. I also believe in knowing people for who they present themselves to be and to react/invest accordingly. Sometimes withdrawing accordingly.

 

The love can still be there.

[HsMomma]

Nope there is always conditions' date=' therefore unconditional love cannot exist.[/b']

 

Though I do think you can conditionally love a child, or at least come closest to doing so in that instance.

 

I have to disagree here, Butcher's - while I can see what others are saying about unconditional love between adults being seemingly impossible, I totally disagree that there are always conditions to love - my love for my child is completely unconditional - there is NOTHING (not lying, not murder, not anything) that she could do to make me not love her. I might abhor an action she performed, but it would not change my love for her.

[malcom5]

This came up in another thread but I thought it deserved a thread of its own.

 

Is there such a thing as unconditional love between two mature adults?

 

That is, if one feels unconditional love towards another, does that mean that the other party can lie, cheat, steal, be abusive and all the rest and the wronged party will stay with them and love them regardless of the consequences?

 

I've already got my own opinions on this, but I'm curious to what others think and, frankly, curious to see if there's a gender difference between those who say "Yes, there is such a thing as unconditional love between two adults" and "No."

 

Thoughts?

 

Yes and no. I could only say it'd be true when dealing with my parents. I'd love them regardless of what they did. But when dealing with say, a brother or sister, or a spouse, there's always something that could make me say enough is enough and walk away. It's really hard for me to imagine anything that would make me no longer love my parents, but I can't say the same for my brothers and sisters. There seems to be an unbreakable bond with my parents.

[Trialbyfire]

Nope, don't buy it. In my world, there's no such thing as unconditional romantic love between adults. I don't give love unless I get it, bar none.

 

IMO, people long for others, as in unrequited love, but that's more obsessive thought than anything else.

 

Post break up, there's a phase where it's hard to stop loving someone but you get over it eventually and move on. And why do you move on? Because you're not getting love in return, hence it's not unconditional love.