Thomas X Forever Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 ****In this scenario, "She" will be referred to as the ex. Replace "She" with "He" if you're a girl**** Say your ex told you she cheated on you the week before you broke up. (It's now 4 months later that she said this out of nowhere, when you haven't even been in contact. Imagine she said this completely out of the blue for no reason). Then she txt you a week later asking if you're going to cut her out of her life, because then she will know not to text you. And she has a bf now. Let's say you know psychology deep enough that you could rip her apart and shatter her in an artful manner that would leave her spirit with third degree burns, and make her feel like the epitome of worthless. Would you: A). Do it, because she does deserve it. She only contacts you to inflict more pain B). Just ignore her, even though she comes back when you ignore her, and even when you tell her to **** off. Let's see how many people are honest.
northstar1 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 ****In this scenario, "She" will be referred to as the ex. Replace "She" with "He" if you're a girl**** Say your ex told you she cheated on you the week before you broke up. (It's now 4 months later that she said this out of nowhere, when you haven't even been in contact. Imagine she said this completely out of the blue for no reason). Then she txt you a week later asking if you're going to cut her out of her life, because then she will know not to text you. And she has a bf now. Let's say you know psychology deep enough that you could rip her apart and shatter her in an artful manner that would leave her spirit with third degree burns, and make her feel like the epitome of worthless. Would you: A). Do it, because she does deserve it. She only contacts you to inflict more pain B). Just ignore her, even though she comes back when you ignore her, and even when you tell her to **** off. Let's see how many people are honest. Move on with your life and ignore her. Trying mindgames with her isn't going to help yourself.
Thaddeus Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Neither. I'd probably call or email (not text) her back something along these lines: "I don't care to hear from you anymore. Please stop contacting me. Further emails/texts/whatever will be deleted without being read." Honest.
alphamale Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 in these sort of situations saying and doing nothing (i.e. ignoring) makes the loudest statement
joseffrost Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I'd simply say - "don't worry about it, I forgive you, but I don't want to hear from you again."
alphamale Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I'd simply say - "don't worry about it, I forgive you, but I don't want to hear from you again." i wouldn't say anything at all and i'd have an indifferent look on my face, sort of like in my avatar
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 All of your replies have brought a unique perspective that I appreciate. I think she WANTS me to tell her to **** off, though, so in a way she can be mad at me, and thus, relieve her own guilt of cheating. She wants me to tear her apart. She is foolish, though, because she witnessed first hand throughout our relationship the extent of what I understand of psychology; she doesn't understand, if she provokes me to the point I stop giving a damn and actually release psychological anger on her, it will leave her with brain damage.
boldjack Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Don't say anything. Just delete everything that comes from her, until she stops. She is history.
alphamale Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 All of your replies have brought a unique perspective that I appreciate. you're welcome I think she WANTS me to tell her to **** off, though, so in a way she can be mad at me, and thus, relieve her own guilt of cheating. She wants me to tear her apart. She is foolish, though, because she witnessed first hand throughout our relationship the extent of what I understand of psychology; she doesn't understand, if she provokes me to the point I stop giving a damn and actually release psychological anger on her, it will leave her with brain damage. the best way to make her mind work overtime is to do or say nothing and give her no closure whatsoever
joseffrost Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 if she provokes me to the point I stop giving a damn and actually release psychological anger on her, it will leave her with brain damage. I have to say, Thomas, though I agree with much of what I've seen you say on these threads, I find this whole "I can ruin anyone with psychology" thing slightly disturbing. If you have that skill, then great, but how are these threats any different to someone saying "I have a big knife, so I could stab them"?
northstar1 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 All of your replies have brought a unique perspective that I appreciate. I think she WANTS me to tell her to **** off, though, so in a way she can be mad at me, and thus, relieve her own guilt of cheating. She wants me to tear her apart. She is foolish, though, because she witnessed first hand throughout our relationship the extent of what I understand of psychology; she doesn't understand, if she provokes me to the point I stop giving a damn and actually release psychological anger on her, it will leave her with brain damage. Dude, no offence, but you aren't Professor X from the xmen.
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 I know you're right J, and north too (I actually laughed at that... surprised I could smile in this situation). I'm just venting. Thinking out loud. I shouldn't impose that on all of you. I apologize. I'm just loosing my cool very badly and venting here instead of flipping on her. I know if I did do that to her, it would be pure revenge... and I know what revenge does to YOU. Revenge kills YOU in the process of you enacting it. Revenge causes you to hike up a mountain, and go down on it's other side, leaving the previous side behind for the rest of your life. You can't ever go backwards. It's not worth it... I won't do it to her.. I just want to hear other people would consider doing the same to someone like this, so I don't feel so wrong in hating her.
CaliGuy Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I'd not reply to her at all and keep in strict NC. She's just trying to relieve her own guilt...
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 I agree with you Cali... and I agree with all the others who also agree NC is the way to go... Wouldn't it have been nice for once though to see a cheater getting owned? God, those people are selfish I'm only talking hypothetically, now, because I'm not going to contact her. You all have solidified the only right thing to do. (NC)
Island Girl Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 If there has been NC for 4 months then how did he accomplish telling me this? To answer the question of contacting him back - no I wouldn't. He'd already be so long gone that what he said wouldn't matter. If I went out with a guy and he dumped me I'd walk away thinking he was stupid and lost the best thing he'll ever have -- BUT that he did me a huge favor in showing me how stupid he is because that means we were incompatible to begin with and I was mistaken in thinking he was more than he was. Now he tells me that not only is he stupid but a cheater and a liar too??!! I'd delight in the fact that I dodged permanent commitment to such a loser.
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 Damn, Island, that's a good way to view it. I have a more masochistic view point. My introspection is unfortunately usually done with an axe. I wish I had your view point. I'd probably be in a 10x better place.
Island Girl Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Damn, Island, that's a good way to view it. I have a more masochistic view point. My introspection is unfortunately usually done with an axe. I wish I had your view point. I'd probably be in a 10x better place. Maybe you should work on that instead of focusing on what revenge you could get etc. As you know thought patterns can be changed with determination. I have seen firsthand that when you sink your teeth in you can really hang on so perhaps use that tenacity in addressing this issue. You would be better off. I don't know why I have always been this way but I am. I am with someone that I want to be with who also wants to be with me. I do not look back and I don't regret. If a person doesn't want to be with me - then they don't deserve what they didn't understand they had - THEY are lacking not me - and I was wasting my time on someone who didn't appreciate me. I hate wasting my precious time. I do not take on their shortcomings and wonder why or what I did, didn't do, or want them back. The other person has the problem(s). Once revealed I'd be happy to get rid of them. It wouldn't matter how it happened. I'd just be happy it did happen.
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 That's a defense mechanism, Island Girl. We're all hurt in life -- and the way you adapted, and the defense you created for yourself, is to see that it's the other who has the problems. Always, or most of the time at least. You have to tread carefully, because that viewpoint is the precursor to narcissistic personality disorder. I wish I had more of your trait in that category still, but just not to the extent that I always believe it's everyone else's loss. Because that's unrealistic. And it pisses everyone who knows you off if you constantly say it was all the other person. If only my masochism and self introspection and your outlook could combine, it would probably be the perfect combination.
Island Girl Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 You have to tread carefully, because that viewpoint is the precursor to narcissistic personality disorder. C'mon now. Thomas you really have to stop. I don't have to "tread carefully". I am happily married, have wonderful relationships with friends and family, and embrace my flawed self completely. I do not believe I am perfect nor do I expect anyone else to be. I just don't see my flaws as deal breakers when it comes to love. If someone else did -- then they aren't the one for me. I'll move on there's plenty of men out there. And if I had no man I am fine spending time by myself and with friends. Seriously. Really?
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 I didn't say you WERE narcissistic or would EVER become it, either. I don't think you are, I think you are a good person and kind. Don't mistake what I said. I think you're realistic and genuine.
lorilynne Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 All of your replies have brought a unique perspective that I appreciate. I think she WANTS me to tell her to **** off, though, so in a way she can be mad at me, and thus, relieve her own guilt of cheating. She wants me to tear her apart. She is foolish, though, because she witnessed first hand throughout our relationship the extent of what I understand of psychology; she doesn't understand, if she provokes me to the point I stop giving a damn and actually release psychological anger on her, it will leave her with brain damage. I think my ex operates the same way. Telling me every detail (if true) about the new woman in his life. Hearing all of this made me feel and act like a person I wasn't. A pathetic, crazy person that could make it easier for him to walk away from. Don't give in. You're way to smart and good for her. She sounds a lot like my ex and I think she'd only take pleasure from getting a rise out of you.
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 Thank you lori. I'm not that great a person, but no one wants to hear them bash themselves so I won't. You're smart yourself, actually. It's funny (not really) that we both are in the same situation with similar ex's. Maybe we should give them each others numbers? Get this... she finds out how I'm about to start dating a girl I truly care about. So she starts asking for all kinds of details. So I sent her 3 pages of texts about how amazing this new girl is. May have been revenge that I did that, but at least it was all true. Ouch. For anyone who has ever been cheated on, take solace in the fact that one cheater just got owned.
lorilynne Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I'd say that might have been revenge but let's humor ourselves by saying there was truth behind it, so it's o.k.! lol. If she were normal, meaning not sadistic not my ex, it would hurt her to read your text. It might just prompt her to hit harder or (let's hope this doesn't happen) become jealous and try to get you back. From the sounds of it, you can handle either situation. I'm facing the second day of no contact. Though I begged for this, it hurts. Go to the Dr. tomorrow for a sonogram. Feels sad to not have someone share this with:(
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 Hell, you can share it with me. I'll be happy to talk to you. If you want my email/myspace, you can click on my name on this site, then go to the "Contact" tab. It lists my website. Go to my website, and at my website, go to ITS contact tab. It lists my email/myspace. I don't know how I'd react if this girl wanted me back. I'm a huge believer in second chances, so it scares me to think this may make her screw her head on and want me back. I don't know what I'd do, even though I really, REALLY care about this new girl. The new girl and me have been "talking" for about two months, and I was planning on making her my girlfriend officially tomorrow. God it would throw a wrench in everything if my cheating ex begged for forgiveness and said she would change, and leave her bf if I wanted a second chance. God, I pray that doesn't happen. But about what you said, about how she reads those txts and it should hurt her... I think it does. Her desire to hear details is TRULY masochistic, more so than I am. Before I told her details, I told her I wouldn't EVER want to hear about her bf, so "are you sure you want to hear about this girl?" She said yes, and said I wouldn't ever have to hear about her bf. So she got many pages of txts (about 6 total, because after the first 3, she asked more questions) about how great this girl is. Which she REALLY is. It didn't feel like revenge, because everything I wrote about her was sincere.
lorilynne Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Thanks for the contact info...just might have to take you up on that offer. IDK if it's masochistic to want to hear details. I studpidly asks my ex about his new love. I think ultimately for two reasons: 1) to solidify what an a**hole he really is (totally diff situation than you bc he met her while with me) and 2) because his story was "fishy" and like you mentioned, as well, could have been making it all up just to get me to terminate the pregnancy. Your ex is different story though bc you both have been separated for a while. I'll bet she's dying for you to ask her about her new bf. I think you should return to NC though. This new girl deserves to receive clear of your ex. Also be careful revealing details about the new girl bc your ex may get a little psycho and try to confront your new girl. In hindsight I realized that my ex is doing the same thing to me that he did to his ex before me. He told her all about me. The first time I caught him cheating with her, she knew all kinds of stuff about me and I think it hurt me more that he "talked" to her about me. She got my number from his phone and called me incessantly to tell me all the stuff they talked about. It was pretty horrible. You seem like an awesome person that really has a way of understanding people. Look at all the people you've helped here...especially me! So, go into this new relationship free & clear of distorted & unhealthy baggage. Engaging in conversations with ex just keeps her in your life and that's alot to bring into a new opportunity....just my thoughts!
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