Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 the question is in the title.. is it ever right or ok? should you ever stay with someone who hit you? let's say it only ever happened once, one time during a long term relationship. and lets say it wasn't a full on punch to the face but rather more of a slap to the side of the head/ear? can this ever be justified? what if the woman really and i mean really pushed and goaded the man and said really harsh nasty things and also slapped him.. i mean really pushed him and pushed him and he just snapped and slapped her back? just a slap not a punch? does a slap count? what if they cried afterwards uncontrollably? is it ever ok? could you ever forgive a man for doing that? or would you leave?
Lyssa Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 It is never okay for a man to hit a woman - for whatever reasons. I left one of my ex when he raised his hand to hit me. He didn't but the thought that he could have - left me hurt and scared.
Lizzie60 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 It happened to me ONCE.. with my last ex.. we were very much in love.. he got jealous one day over a stupidity.. he completely smashed the front of my car with his feet.. then got into the house and poked me in the ribs.. I was bruised.. It was the first and the last time.. I left. I know this guy never hit a woman.. under any circumstances before.. but he did it that time ... What makes you think that the same guy will not lose it any other times.. There is no excuses for hitting a woman.. EVER.. EVER... An abuser usually doesn't start with a big full blown punch.. it's usually way more subtle.. a slap, a poke.. etc.. Is it OK to kill someone? Is it OK to physically hurt someone?
2sure Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 First, no one should hit anyone. The situation you describe indicates a woman who was out of control and being abusive verbally and physically. Thats the way she was communicating and he communicated back the same way. It would have been good if one or the other of them had been able to be the mature of the two, or if he had chosen to walk away. 2 People who communicate this way should not be together.
Thaddeus Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Is it OK to kill someone? Is it OK to physically hurt someone?Yes. If someone I love is attacked by someone else, then it's no holds barred. I'll come at them with everything I've got and will not let up until one of us is either unwilling/unable to continue. And it's probably gonna be them. I guess that kinda goes against my previous post, doesn't it? Context. It's all about context.
tanbark813 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 It's okay if the woman hits him first. Or if she kicks him in the junk. Or drinks all his beer.
Author Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 but do you think then if the woman was out of control in how she yelled at him up in his face, slapped him, etc does that justify it in any way? also could u ever forgive a man that hit you? if you felt he was truly sorry?
GorillaTheater Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Is it OK to kill someone? Is it OK to physically hurt someone? Okay, now I'm getting into strictly hypothetical territory, but I can see the above as, not "OK" necessarily, but justifiable in a few instances: defense of my family being the first example that comes to mind. I suppose if some (female) psycho was after my kids with a cleaver, I'd not only hit her but seek to kill her. But like I said, all hypothetical and far-fetched. I've certainly never encountered a situation where striking a woman was remotely justifiable.
Lyssa Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 2sure - yeah, no one should hit anyone. You're right and Thad is also right . I'm a different person when it comes to my family - if someone hurt them, geez.. I will use every strength in me to get back at them! So yeah, it's all about context. It's okay if the woman hits him first. Or if she kicks him in the junk. Or drinks all his beer.
Thaddeus Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 but do you think then if the woman was out of control in how she yelled at him up in his face, slapped him, etc does that justify it in any way?I believe a man has a right to defend himself - blocking her blows, etc - and defending himself may mean holding her arms so she can't whack him anymore. But the fact is that hauling off and driving a woman in the chops is going to be looked upon by the local constabulary and court as abuse, even if she nailed him with a ball-peen hammer first from behind.
Art_Critic Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Simple question.... Simple answer.. NO... I also don't feel it is ever okay for a woman to hit a man..period... No hitting is ever okay for either sexes.
confused192 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I don't think it's ever okay for anyone to hit anyone. Men should not be hitting women or other men. Women should not be hitting men or other women. End of story.
GorillaTheater Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 but do you think then if the woman was out of control in how she yelled at him up in his face, slapped him, etc does that justify it in any way? All that would justify is shutting her completely out of my life.
Lizzie60 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 OK OK.. remove my last 2 questions from my post.. I know I know.. it could be justified if it's self defense or to protect a child or something.. but you know what I meant.. as far as the OP is concerned.. you hit him first.. then he hit you.. what the hell are you complaining about? you hit him ...right? Then why would it be OK for YOU to hit him and not for HIM to hit you? Sorry .. but if you hit him you deserved to be hit back.. fair .. no?
Author Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 i'll put it in context, say the woman uncovered her ex had done something wrong, like cheated so she confront him with the truth, she's upset she's mad and in all up in his face because she is hurt.. yet he gets mad not even because she is so out of control, but because she is telling the truth and he can't admit to it or bare to hear it so while he pushes her back, she slaps him and yells at him the truth of the wrong he did so he slaps her so hard on the side of the head her ear rings.. then sobs and sobs and sobs saying he is sorry but tells her to get out and dumps her so she forgives him
Art_Critic Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Sorry .. but if you hit him you deserved to be hit back.. fair .. no? No.. you walk away when one hits you.. In my first marriage I was a physically abused spouse.. not often but enough that I know about domestic violence and I can tell you when my ex-wife hit me closed fist in the face while I was driving that the proper response was to put her out of the car and put physical distance between her and I. If I had hit her back I would have become part of the problem and would have become an abuser as well.
Author Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 can they really only do it the once, of if they do it once does that guarantee it will happen again? also does a man lose respect for the woman in this case because she forgave him?
Art_Critic Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 i'll put it in context, say the woman uncovered her ex had done something wrong, like cheated so she confront him with the truth, she's upset she's mad and in all up in his face because she is hurt.. yet he gets mad not even because she is so out of control, but because she is telling the truth and he can't admit to it or bare to hear it so while he pushes her back, she slaps him and yells at him the truth of the wrong he did so he slaps her so hard on the side of the head her ear rings.. then sobs and sobs and sobs saying he is sorry but tells her to get out and dumps her so she forgives him They are both committing domestic violence. The pushing or even laying your hands on another in a manner to contol or hurt them is domestic violence. The slapping is a no brainer.. DV..
tanbark813 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 What A_C said. Plus, if he cheated on you why are you even considering getting back together with him?
Kamille Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 One strike against the woman: she hit him. Two strikes against a man: 1) he cheated on her and 2) then hit her back. Total tally: three strikes. I'm sorry but this relationship is unsalvageable. I wouldn't be able to forgive either one of those two strikes. Just as I can never imagine ever hitting someone. I was never cheated on, so I don't know how I would react. Something tells me I would likely freeze the guy out. Walk away. Leave him. I hope I wouldn't lose my own dignity by resorting to violence.
Lizzie60 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 can they really only do it the once, of if they do it once does that guarantee it will happen again? also does a man lose respect for the woman in this case because she forgave him? From your posts.. you are trying very hard to minimize what happened.. saying that YOU pushed him.. blablabla.. He cheated on you.. he slapped you really hard.. and you're still wondering if you can be with this guy... WOW... talk about 'doormatizing' your situation... geezzz woman.. don't even look back.. he's your 'ex' no?
Thaddeus Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Point is, IMO, that a man has to play by a different set of rules. That does not excuse a woman hitting a man. Abuse is abuse, whomever strikes the first blow. It's just that, generally, men are physically more powerful than women. So when a woman hits a man he may find it mildly irritating, but when a man hauls off and hits a woman the results can be disastrous.
Author Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 he goaded her to slap him also, pushing her and poking her laughing and teasing as she cried about his cheating clearly hurt, so she slapped him.. tho this girl is not hard, her slap would have been feeble tbh. i think he hit her more because she pushed him with the truth and he couldn't face
Kamille Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 he goaded her to slap him also, pushing her and poking her laughing and teasing as she cried about his cheating clearly hurt, so she slapped him.. tho this girl is not hard, her slap would have been feeble tbh. i think he hit her more because she pushed him with the truth and he couldn't face exactly: this man is a coward incapable of dealing with his own issues. A man like that isn't even worth a feeble slap.
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