marmaliade Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 How to keep NC while we broke up on both sides having feelings, but the reasn was his not readiness to commit... I know I should back off and make him miss me and maybe even get his head straight, but for that I have to move on... But just can't get myself to do it... Everytime I write him, he is all so nice, carrying and saying he loves me... But I need to quit doing this... Any advice how to keep it up? Others getting the strengh by ranking minuses of the person and so on... But this is not the case. Help
Thaddeus Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I take it that you were discussing marriage and he said he wasn't ready for that? See the link in my signature, in particular this bit:Myth: If he won't marry me, he doesn't really love me. Fact: Men generally see marriage as a social and financial contract and a stage in their life, not primarily a love match. Yes, love enters into it, but it's not the primary driver for a man. And it doesn't mean he's any less committed to you, it just means that he's not interested in that social contract.
hopesndreams Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 If there is still feeling on both sides, and it's just a case of him not ready to commit, it is imperative you give him space. If you can't go NC, which you say you can't, go LC. When he texts you take your time in responding, as in a few hours. When he calls, don't answer, instead text him back saying, sorry I missed your call, without stating the reason why, but again, do that in a few hours. Never initiate calling him, he must do it at all times. The trick is to keep him waiting and guessing. If you are always ready and available, he will never miss you. You must make him miss you. Also, don't be all mushy back with him when he says he loves ya. Be a bit business like and give off an air of mystery. He must wonder what you are up to and wonder what you are thinking.
Thaddeus Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 If there is still feeling on both sides, and it's just a case of him not ready to commit, it is imperative you give him space. If you can't go NC, which you say you can't, go LC. When he texts you take your time in responding, as in a few hours. When he calls, don't answer, instead text him back saying, sorry I missed your call, without stating the reason why, but again, do that in a few hours. Never initiate calling him, he must do it at all times. The trick is to keep him waiting and guessing. If you are always ready and available, he will never miss you. You must make him miss you. Also, don't be all mushy back with him when he says he loves ya. Be a bit business like and give off an air of mystery. He must wonder what you are up to and wonder what you are thinking. Well, you can try this but my thinking is that he'll misinterpret this "mystery" that you're trying to develop as disinterest. I'm not suggesting that you come across as all mushy and lovey-dovey but just be prepared for the very real possibility that he may figure you've either found someone else or are simply not interested anymore. The other possibility is that he'll see right through this and figure that you're TRYING to make him miss you, TRYING to develop this sense of "mystery" and he'll see it as it is: an attempt at manipulation.
hopesndreams Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Well, you can try this but my thinking is that he'll misinterpret this "mystery" that you're trying to develop as disinterest. I'm not suggesting that you come across as all mushy and lovey-dovey but just be prepared for the very real possibility that he may figure you've either found someone else or are simply not interested anymore. The other possibility is that he'll see right through this and figure that you're TRYING to make him miss you, TRYING to develop this sense of "mystery" and he'll see it as it is: an attempt at manipulation. My advice is solid. I stand by it 100%. Doing this gives him the boot up the arse to figure out what he wants, sooner, rather than later. Marmaliade, does he love you enough to want to get back with you or has he lost interest for good? You need to establish where you stand. Following this advice will assist you in finding out what you need to know, so you do not live on false hope. He could be hanging onto you just long enough to get over you. So, in the end, you end up without him, but with LC, you have given yourself enough space from him that it will help you move on without him, if need be. LC is for you. Will it bring him back? It might. Will doing what you are doing now bring him back? It might but if it does not, you have lived in false hope and will find it much more difficult to move on without him in your life.
Thaddeus Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 My advice is solid. I stand by it 100%. Doing this gives him the boot up the arse to figure out what he wants, sooner, rather than later.To be clear, there's nothing inherently wrong with hopesndreams' advice. But do it because it's what you want to do, not because you are trying to make him miss you or make him think anything. Otherwise, you're not doing it for you, you're doing it for him. And I don't get the sense that that's what you want.
Author marmaliade Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 The thing is that I broke it off... He's going through tense period of his life now, has problems... And he says he's not sure when he will be able to commit and that he can't keep me hangging... So I asked him to left me know when and if it'll happen and he's ready...
adamt Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 The thing is that I broke it off... He's going through tense period of his life now, has problems... And he says he's not sure when he will be able to commit and that he can't keep me hangging... So I asked him to left me know when and if it'll happen and he's ready... That's similar reason to why my ex dumped me. Mom had recently passed away and she wanted to look after her dad more and didnt want a relationship at the moment and she thought it was unfair to keep me waiting ...blah blah Anyway probably some truth in what she said but really if she was ok with our relationship then we would get through it without splitting up.
Author marmaliade Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 Anyway probably some truth in what she said but really if she was ok with our relationship then we would get through it without splitting up. Read your situation and i'm sorry, you are right she had to work it out with you... anyways if that's the case in my situation, i'm not loosing anything, I decided that i need to move on, if he'll come back, that's great...
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