Le Rendezvous Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I've had a lot of bad relationships in the past where I would always get cheated on. I have cheated on nearly every woman I've stayed with for over a month. It's not that I would treat women bad or disrespect them in any way, I was always a great boyfriend until I cheated. Most of them would say I've treated them better than any man has before. I just would lose interest and cheat on them and string them along. Now, I have found someone that I think is trustworthy, but I am so paranoid that she is going to cheat on me. I have been with her for about a month and a half and everything has been going extremely well. We've been taking things mildly slow and everything is pretty much perfect. I think that while taking things slow, I am getting the assumption that she is losing interest in me or is interested in someone else because she is not always trying to contact me like others in past relationships. I am determined not to cheat on her, but I think now that I am set to stay committed to someone I am extremely paranoid that she is going to cheat on me. I am not going to cheat on her, but I feel filled with anxiety about it. What should I do? I'm not going to go to counseling, I want to resolve this on my own.
JustLooking123 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 My guess is that your anxiety about her cheating is actually displaced anxiety about YOU potentially cheating. You've cheated on every woman you've ever dated - that is not a great predictor of how you will handle this relationship. I'd do some serious self-exploration to try and figure out why you cheated, why you couldn't address the relationship problems directly, etc. If the paranoia keeps up, you will sabatoge this relationship, even if you don't cheat.
np5984 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Ever here the term "guilty conscience"? I think that is what this is. U have done it so many times in the past to other women, it's like u are expecting karma to come back around and hit u. Maybe u should talk to her and tell her how much u care about her and how being exclusive is something that is really important to u in this relationship.... that way ur not accusing her of anything or looking like ur paranoid. Also, trust is very important. After u have that talk, u need to trust that she IS being faithful to u. Good luck
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I've had a lot of bad relationships in the past where I would always get cheated on. I have cheated on nearly every woman I've stayed with for over a month. How old are you? It takes some time and experience to get secure. What helped me in my youth was mentally gettign to a place where I just didn't give a s*** if she cheated or not. Also, don't start thinking there is anything special about her. As long as she is replaceable in your mind that will make it much easier.
Trialbyfire Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 How old are you? It takes some time and experience to get secure. What helped me in my youth was mentally gettign to a place where I just didn't give a s*** if she cheated or not. Also, don't start thinking there is anything special about her. As long as she is replaceable in your mind that will make it much easier.I would normally agree with your advice, to a degree, but in this case, the OP has the cycle of cheating, when he gets bored and feels the other person is replaceable. So, OP, why do you need to cheat instead of walking away? For that matter, why get into relationships, if you get bored so quickly?
MichiganMan222 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Is it possible you're an egomaniac that needs to constantly conquer women to feed your ego? And this particular woman is not jumping through fiery hoops for you, and your unusual desire to 'commit' to her and promise to not cheat is just you focusing on conquering HER? If so, what happens if she finally falls for you and satisfies your ego? Will you make you her pay the price and continue down you same road as with others? Just asking.
Trialbyfire Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Is it possible you're an egomaniac that needs to constantly conquer women to feed your ego? And this particular woman is not jumping through fiery hoops for you, and your unusual desire to 'commit' to her and promise to not cheat is just you focusing on conquering HER? If so, what happens if she finally falls for you and satisfies your ego? Will you make you her pay the price and continue down you same road as with others? Just asking.I don't think the OP is an ego-maniac, just a branch swinger, which is the polar opposite. It's a sign of low self-esteem.
Author Le Rendezvous Posted July 24, 2009 Author Posted July 24, 2009 I would normally agree with your advice, to a degree, but in this case, the OP has the cycle of cheating, when he gets bored and feels the other person is replaceable. So, OP, why do you need to cheat instead of walking away? For that matter, why get into relationships, if you get bored so quickly? Usually I date someone for a month or two, and then think about where things are going with her and notice that I don't like where things are going with this person. It might be that they aren't that interesting or don't share the same goals in life or various other things. So then I end up meeting someone else, but the women I date are always so happy to be with me that I feel selfish for breaking things off with them. With my current girlfriend, I feel like I've finally met someone who has all of the qualities I'm looking for and now that I'm fully satisfied and 100% commited to her, I think about how she has the potential to take advantage of that.
MichiganMan222 Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 Usually I date someone for a month or two, and then think about where things are going with her and notice that I don't like where things are going with this person. It might be that they aren't that interesting or don't share the same goals in life or various other things. So then I end up meeting someone else, but the women I date are always so happy to be with me that I feel selfish for breaking things off with them. With my current girlfriend, I feel like I've finally met someone who has all of the qualities I'm looking for and now that I'm fully satisfied and 100% commited to her, I think about how she has the potential to take advantage of that. So you cheat on them? How can that not make you feel selfish as well? Have you ever been dumped or cheated on? I've been both and being cheated on feels 100 times worse. If you're truly looking out the best interest of the woman, then end relationships before the next one starts. Otherwise you could be scarring her and even negatively affecting her NEXT relationship by making her untrusting and hyper-suspicious of the next guy.
JustLooking123 Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 .....With my current girlfriend, I feel like I've finally met someone who has all of the qualities I'm looking for and now that I'm fully satisfied and 100% commited to her, I think about how she has the potential to take advantage of that. Why would she take advantage of you like that? Has she given any indication that she would do something like that? If so, then maybe you should rethink your devotion to her. More likely, you're projecting - in the past, YOU Have taken advantage of women's committment to you. And on some level, you're probably afraid you will do it to her, given your track record. Also, you seem to be idolizing this woman. She is certain not to live up to that - no one would.
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