Leveller Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Are changes needed to external circumstances (e.g. getting a job, allieviating financial worries, a change in location etc.)? Changes to you as an individual (e.g. more listening skills, better coping mechanisms, greater tolerance of the SO etc.)? Changes to the SO as an individual?
samspade Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Are changes needed to external circumstances (e.g. getting a job, allieviating financial worries, a change in location etc.)? Changes to you as an individual (e.g. more listening skills, better coping mechanisms, greater tolerance of the SO etc.)? Changes to the SO as an individual? The only change needed is in desire. It's that simple. All of the other factors can be tossed out the window. One person's desire for another needs to be at a high level, and if it is not, the relationship is dead. You can "work on things" until the cows come home, but relationships usually die out when one party's desire has been snuffed. And it is nearly impossible to ever replenish it. This is why it is key for the man in the relationship to maintain a level of spontaneity and keep things interesting (whether he thinks it's fair or not, it's mostly on him). Slipping into a level of comfort and laziness is the death knell for any relationship, and that's what saps a female's desire for her man. She will eventually seek excitement outside the relationship. It's good for you to make personal changes for YOUR sake. It's always good to improve and correct mistakes. But do this so you can be better prepared for the next little honey that comes along.
CaliGuy Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Significant personal improvement from both parties AND starting over, slowly, from scratch.
georgia girl Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 The only thing that makes a second chance work in my mind is commitment. Plain and simple. I don't think its ever fair to ask someone to take a chance on you if you're not willing to take the same chance on them. Therefore, when those of us who got dumped are willing to risk our hearts for someone unwilling to fully risk theirs, it will wind up in desire. But, if both people are willing to commit to the relationship, then it's got a chance. How can you ever trust the other person if they can't commit?
Ronni_W Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Significant personal improvement from both parties AND starting over, slowly, from scratch. That's what I would have said...but it would've taken me about a 6-page post. Thanks Cali, for your clarity and brevity. Levelller, listen to Cali!!!
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